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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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And this one is a bit more complicated....
First the scenerio....
You are off to school away from home... gay... and developing a relationship... you have gay friends... and many straight friends that know and are perfectly OK with the gay thing... even to the point of active social support.
Now for the question.... is it possible to walk back into the straight atmosphere of former home bound friends and still feel a part of that old life???
Would it be plausible to assume that after a time of interaction that a longing for the comfort of the new 'out' lifestyle would call to you???
Please be honest..... and please keep the thread on track... it is important for me to be able to evaluate your answers without cross conversation...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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This has to be a question directed towards the younger folks here. I think I could answer but I just don’t think it applies to my social historical context.
Or maybe I just don’t fully understand your question.
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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well.... if i'm allowed to put the question into the context of my life
At uni, more than half my friends are gay, most of them people i know and have met through the LGBT society. Most of my socialising is done with them, and i near exclusively stay on the gay scene when going out. I do, of course, have straight friends, and these are more than happy with me being gay, and most have been out on the gay scene with me at various points.
Coming back home after uni, my parents know, but its not talked about. they ignore the subject, and i'm not comfortable bringing it up at all. I have no idea if my sister knows. When i came out to my parents, they didn't want me, or themselves, to tell her, i havn't told her myself, and have no idea if they have. She's a smart girl, she may have worked it out, but i'm not really an obvious gay. Most of my old friends know i'm gay, but i don't know how much its sunk in yet. They've never seen me do anything "gay" or be any different to how i was at school.
Going out with them, mostly going out clubbing, feels odd. Going to the cinema, or meakls, or bowling, thats just trips out with friends, but when we go to a club, it feels, for me, painfully obvious that i'm not as much a part of this world. I look around and feel restricted in what i can say or do. i know i can't make an approach on people there, because chances are they're straight, and there's always this nagging thought inside me that if i did do anything gay there, i'd end up in trouble to the tune of getting punched, or at the least just have people starring at me, which would be uncomfortable.
much as i like going out with my old friends, i'm constantly looking forward to times when i can go out with some old workmates from home who are gay, or some friends from uni who live nearby. i'm planning months ahead for going to pride (Manchester and Brighton this year) and i'm longing to go back to a place where everyone knows i'm gay, and i can be comfrtoable out and do/say gay stuff without odd looks and without feeling out of place.
Its like i've spent so much time wrapped up in the queer community at uni i just don't feel comfortable socialising in a purely straight world with straight people who i don't know are wholly comfortable and accepting of who i am.
hope that helps
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It does... thanks
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Marc said,
>Now for the question.... is it possible to walk back into the straight atmosphere of former home bound friends and still feel a part of that old life???
Well, I can't say I've been living any sort of gay lifestyle, but returning from university accommodation (where I had a lot of autonomy) to home (where I don't) has been a bit of a shock. I can't rent anywhere of my own until I have an income. Perhaps it's a similar situation. But if I feel uneasy it's not because of anything to do with sexuality but instead a feeling of loss of control and uncertainty.
>Would it be plausible to assume that after a time of interaction that a longing for the comfort of the new 'out' lifestyle would call to you???
I'm inclined to think that sexuality is irrelevant -- the phenomenon applies to gay and straight people equally. The pressures of re-conforming to a lifestyle one has begun to live outside or independently from are stressful for anyone. Suddenly one has to justify behaviour that until now one has taken for granted.
David
[Updated on: Sun, 24 June 2007 19:40] |
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At 16 I left home, lived the gay life and was totally comfortable with it. Later on in my 20's I went home and reverted to my former "straight" self. After a few months I felt thoruoghly suffocated and found myself longing for what had become normal to me, that being my "out" life away from home. I left to go back after spending only a few months at home and never went back home again.
Aqua
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Being gay, being out. That's an important part of me, but only a part.
When I first came out, most of my friends at school knew. But I still went to church. I was living a double life.
So yes, I could go back home and be perfectly comfortable being around my old friends. But I would be restless, I would yearn to have my "out" lifestyle back as a part of my life. I could put up with being "straight at home" for maybe a couple of months. But that's it.
I hope that answers your question.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I'd agree with this.
Despite my comments below, I'd say that moving back home to Tasmania would be almost as disconcerting as moving back into the "straight" world. Once you're out and living a happily gay life it's hard to move back to something more restrictive than that. But as an independent Uni student, it would be hard to move back home to something more restrictive, too. Or, in my case moving back to Australia after being in Japan- I really don't feel like I entirely fit in.
So it's not totally a sexuality thing, but I do feel that sexuality plays a part, it's love, lust and sex. That's powerful, and sexuality is divisive. Back home in Australia after being in Japan I may feel less comfortable, but I still feel safe. Being in a straight environment, after having a "happy" gay environment I'd feel unsafe. I'd feel scared about what I said, or how I acted. I think being back in a straight environment would be more threatening than returning to other restrictive environments after change.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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