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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I am thinking back to my own childhood and wondering "At what age does sex move from something that feels good and is fun to something that is part of a relationship with another person?"
Let me first of all put a huge caveat here. I am talking about folk of the same age group here, not a substantially older soul preying on a younger. I'm talking of the change from 'boys will be boys' and messing around, either solo or together, to a meaningful emotional experience with (or about) another person.
When do the giggles and blushes of childhood change to the sighs and longings of some sort of adulthood?
Even when one is young and in love, is the sex act simply mechanical for the buzz it gives, or is it emotional and intellectual as well? When does it change?
I have no real experience to answer this. I had sex solo for many years! I just had fantasies.
[Updated on: Wed, 21 May 2008 18:58]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:20] |
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It was the third romp with a friend.... we were both 11 years old and as we were cuddling in each other's arme we both came on the urge to kiss....
That was the first time I felt the earth move..... not by any means the last... or the best... Just the first
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Dear Timmy,
I think it is when you realise you really want to be with your friend. You discover that when you don't go to visit him or have him to visit you that you just mope about the house and don't want to do anything. And you may spend some time moping before you realise why you are moping. I'm sure I moped and didn't realise why for a long time - in fact not until I had left school. And looking back I feel sure that the guy I moped over was in love with me. He knew and I was still unaware. I really only had two close friends at school and thirty-five years later the other one told me. And I then immediately recognised that he was right.
But when the dam broke I was overwhelmed. It was the sex. I was doing my National Service. I had only had my hand for company and I am one of those peculiar people who never had fantasies. When somebody got into my bed and brought me to orgasm I couldn't keep my hands off him. I greatly embarrassed him on the bus back to camp (he had been staying at home with me for the weekend) and, when it turned out that I was far too uninhibited for it to work with him, I went round importuning people. Eventually I found Peter and then, because he was sent to Germany before me, I lost him again. Then I went to Germany too. On my first day there I met him on a landing in the accommodation block. Almost no words were necessary. We looked at each other. He said "I don't like using toilet cubicles, but ... ...." I said "There's a baggage storage room upstairs." and there we went and assuaged the hunger in the dark on a heap of kitbags. When we came out we were stopped by a leading hand who wanted to know what we had been doing in there. We didn't tell him! But he knew!
As William Blake knew - the lineaments of satisfied desire!
And I say it was overwhelming. The difference between sex by oneself and with another congenial person (whether it was love or not I can't say) is so great that I was unable to restrain myself.
And I discovered that quite a lot of people who anyone would call 'straight' were easily seduced into a little bit of sex. And then I was posted to Kiel and after a fortnight Peter was too. And we were allocated to the same two-person room! And I used to wonder whether, if he were a girl, I would marry him. How the world has changed!
But this isn't supposed to be an autobiography.
Does that answer your question, Timmy?
Love,
Anthony
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Zambezi
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Toe is in the water |
Location: Various (!)
Registered: January 2004
Messages: 40
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Just short of my seventeenth birthday for me for the first inkling of that change.
18 years 47 days when I "knew".
Neither moment involved a sexual act, but an event involving the most erotic organ of all - the human mind.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Hmmm... I'd answer "after some emotional experience" but that isn't a complete answer.
There are single adults that have always been single that still have an emotional, rather than sexual longing. But for me, and it seems many here, the change in desire came about through the experience of a relationship or something like a relationship.
Yet it wasn't one experience. It was a sequence. The whole process for me was a transition. Even now, at 23, I still have days when I just want to fuck, fuck, fuck. Then I have other days when I want to marry, something that was imaginable to me a few years ago.
Experiences have been catalysts for change for me. I'd be interested to hear what catalysts are for the virgins (if any) amongst us.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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"At what age does sex move from something that feels good and is fun to something that is part of a relationship with another person?"
42 in my case. Although looking back I think I let it happen too soon.
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I guess is different for everyone. Considering i'm barely 20 years old, a few years back all i wanted to do is to touch and be touched for the excitement it brought to my body. It was mostly sexual, although, i must say, i wanted something more than just the 'sex'. I've had sex with a few people and it was just that...sex. After it was over, it didn't feel special nor did it carry any emotion.
It wasn't till recently when i discovered how amazing it is to have sex with someone you can truely say you have feelings for. We have been together for two years and sex is more than just sex. Its an emotional connection very difficult to describe.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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Thank you for sharing that with us, M.
I think it's wonderful that you have achieved that level of fulfilment.
I wonder what percentage of people do.
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Yes, M,
It is so heartwarming to hear someone else has found it. I was nineteen before I had sex with anyone except myself and at twenty I found a partner that I could have lived with. In 1954 that wasn't possible so I only lived that bliss for about two months - but you bring it back.
Thank you for doing that.
Love,
Anthony
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