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unsui
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Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:10] |
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I recently was in contact (on a professional basis) with a gay person who was married: a 37-year old lawyer from New York. He constantly referred to his husband (a university professor). They have adopted three children and they have each changed their family name to a "double-barrelled" one. Thus their names would be something like Tony and Maurice Jones-Smith. I must say, it seemed perfectly natural at the time.
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:10] |
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Dear Michael,
I like 'partner' which is used for both same-sex and heterosex couples and can still be used whether marriage or civil partnership or other arrangements or none have been made.
And I agree that changing names can be forgotten about. One daughter changed her name. The other won't. I'm sure that if Sylvia and I met aged 27 & 28 today there would be no doubt about it that we would each keep the names were were born with.
Changing names is a great inconvenience. People can't look you up any more. Old friends stay un-united and so on.
Yet another subject we agree about!
Love,
Anthony
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Ryan and I have spoken about this. What we would likely do is: call each other husband; partner seems too casual- if you are married you are husbands. We'd possibly take my last name or use a joint one or come up with a new one. We want the same last name so that we're "united", but Ryan doesn't like his last name much- we prefer mine.
If we ever adopted one of us would be "dad/ daddy" the other probably "papa".
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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contd....
Of course that just puts it back one generation. Assuming the children only have one surname, which parent do they follow?
For Alison's children both daughters have their father's surname.
For Emily's children both have adopted the Spanish custom which is to hyphenate the father's name and the mother's and then in the next generation to drop the mother's.
So Anna and Tom have the surname Freire-Camacho and Anna will become Freire-XXXX when she marries or becomes the partner of XXXX and Tom keeps his surnames until death but his children will be Freire-YYYY.
Love,
Anthony [Camacho]
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I think the right thing to do is precisely what each partnership chooses to do. I tend to think (for me) that "husband" is proprietorial (historic connotations).
Partner has awkwardnesses, too.
How about, since Penguins pair for life "life penguin"? (ok, bad idea!)
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 19:28] |
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I know a few CP'd couples. I think they all use the terms "CP", "husband" and "partner", depending on who they're talking to ... I think that "CP" emphasises the legal and long-term nature of the relationship, "partner" emphasises the essential normalness of the relationship, and "husband" is more likely to be used to other gay men, but that may just be the limited circle I move in. I think that for marriage, "husband" is the obvious choice, though "spouse" is a nice gender-neutral word that I can see gaining ground.
About Civil Partner's relatives, at least, there is clear guidance - the UK government guidance leaflet suggests that the terms "mother-in-law", "father-in-law" etc should be used - exactly the same as for married couples.
As for changing names. I think it's exactly the same as for straight marriages: different couples will choose whatever suits them best, from the menu of new name, joining names, keeping birth name, or whatever.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Hmmmm..... Ok, from what I have experienced Kevin and I refer to each other as partners sometimes but mostly we refer to each other as "the other half"...
We do have a little frame with our CU ceremony in it and lining the top are little male-male couples, I guess refering to each other as husbands is ok but for some reason it doesn't feel quite right.
To me he is Kevy... and that is enough for me.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:09] |
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I was watching a morning pseudo-news show and they were talking about just this thing and when one of them introduced the word "spouse" it all kind of fell into place... i think...
While husband and wife are gender specific, Spouse, just seems to be gender-neutral and as such appropriate to the situation.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 18:07] |
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I love the idea... but then I'm probably in the minority.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Oh, Paul, darling,
So are we all.
Love,
Anthony
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