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As we are growing up and recognizing our true nature, many of us would tend to do and say stupid things in order to protect our self image. We might fail to act from the heart because that would reveal too much about ourselves - things we believe are best hidden.
Here is a short film with English subtitles. How many of us would fit this mold? And which of the two characters would demonstrate your own actions at that age?
"El Marica" - The Magpie.
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/Chali0185/video/x76aoh_el-marica-avelardo-castillo-english_shortfilms
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
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Paul Schroder wrote:
> Here is a short film with English subtitles. How many of us would fit this mold? And which of the two characters would demonstrate your own actions at that age?
I would have gone in. Not - or at least, not only - out of a desire to "pass", to fit in, but because between the ages of about 12 and 23 I strongly believed in challenging myself by being open to all possible new experiences. Looking back, that was to do with poor self-esteem, and a negligible sense of self-preservation: I don't recommend "never say no" as a motto when it comes to sex and drugs! But the person I am now grew from the person I was then, and I have no regrets.
But I would not - I think and hope - ever turn my back on a friend because they did something that was different from the crowd, or that I didn't understand, or couldn't share, or because supporting them might make me conspicuous. That self-same "negligible sense of self-preservation" always meant that I wouldn't let being afraid or being unpopular deter me from things and people I felt were right. I hope that in some measure I still retain that characteristic!
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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That's powerful. As it started I thought the writer. As it went on I though Cesar. And the answer is that I have been both boys. I wonder if any of us have not?
I was never brave enough to be me. I'm only now starting to be brave enough.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, I think you do, NW (retain that characteristic). I hope I do too.
But at that age (13? - maybe I hadn't even begun to ejaculate!) I feel sure I would have chickened out too - whether before or after going in I can't now tell.
Is the title indicative? I thought the Spanish for gay was 'maricon'.
On the other hand, when I was through puberty I don't recall ever rejecting a sexual opportunity! (Wow. Did I really say that?) I mean until I got married!
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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The more I look at this the more I disagree with my previous statement. It's interesting, yes, but it seems to me to be based somewhat upon "cold reading" see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_reading#The_Forer_effect.2FBarnum_statements
I half identify with the writer because I wrote a letter. I proved myself not to be queer because I had sex with a girl in public. I stood shoulder to shoulder with homophobes. I can identify enough of that to see the writer.
I was also the other boy. I cared for the boy I loved very deeply.
So the film hit the spot. But then it would.
The other thing about it is that it is not exactly a well crafted film. b It held my interest because Paul asked the question he asked. I wanted to answer him. Showing a friend with no prior question elicited a "yes? So what?" response.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Neither character is me. Especially not at that age.
I wouldn't have been invited. And were I invited I surely would have stuck to my faith and done the "right thing".
I didn't understand I was gay and I didn't know anyone effeminate. My religion was an adequate mask for any abnormal behaviour I may have displayed. But often I masked it myself with excessive talk of sex, excessive swearing and crudeness. That was, in part, to mask my religion, too.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Nothing like that ever happened to me, but I can nevertheless think of times when I hid my hypocrisy, and I still feel ashamed of them.
David
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