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Well, it's been 6 weeks, and still Conor has been driving me up the wall with worry. I was worried how he took the news, and I could tell I was getting a bit of a cold shoulder lately. So, after debating about it for 6 weeks, I finally got up the courage (again) to talk to him about it.
He was sitting at the back of the bus alone, I was sitting a few rows up. A friend of mine was phased out with his CD player, another was sleeping, so I figured this would be the only chance this week I'd have to talk. So I did. I got up, and walked back there, and sat across from Conor. He didn't even glance at me. "Conor," I said, trying to get his attention. Nothing. Something was definitely up.
I called his name again, and he finally looked at me, without a word. No real expression on his face. Once again, I'm paraphrasing again, it always seems to end up like a blur...
"Uh, Conor, are we still friends?"
"I guess."
"Uh huh..."
"I am real uncomfortable about it."
"You are?"
"Yeah."
"Uh huh. Well, alright, that's all I wanted to know. Thanks."
No expression, no tone...I don't think he even looked at me that much.
I kinda trailed off one that last line...I doubt he heard me. I doubt he really cared, actually. Got up, went back to my seat, tried to seem normal, without turning too red...
Well, that's that. I doubt we'll ever be friends, really. That "I guess" wasn't too sincere at all. It's a shame, really. I guess I can't blame him for being uncomfortable, though. I mean, if I was in his position, and another guy told me he liked me, I probably would've felt uncomfortable, too.
Oh well.
-Tom
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Remember, Conor is young and every bit as confused and scared and worried as you, and consequently every other teen for that matter. In time, more than likely the "gay" issue will fade into the background and he will be more at ease with your friendship.
At least he took the news well enough not to totaly freak out and subsequently out you to the entire school.
It does get easier.
I know it is cléche to say that, but it really does.
Marc.......
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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Tom
Whilst Conor's latest reception of you may have seemed cold (if not down right arctic), at worst it will have done little to diminish (or dampen entirely) your feelings for him - only time will do that, at best you have been able to achieve "resolution" and may now move forward with your life in the certain knowledge of his attitude towards you, both for the present and the immediate future.
Love itself may be, especially a first love, and often is of itself, a painful experience; but Tom, you are going through what we all have gone through, and survived, at least once in our lifetimes; and survive you will, as you surely must. Just as we have. You will do this with that certain knowledge that "out there" somewhere, is another who will honour and cherish you for your simply being at all; and either he or she will do so from the from the very depths of their soul. It will happen when you least likely expect it to, striking you completely without prior warning, leaving you absolutely "breathless" and totally flummoxed in it's wake. You will awaken from it's impact, feeling sheltered in the warmth of it's embrace, strengthened by it's aura of invincibility and comforted by it's welcome certainty.
Love is humankind's greatest emotive, intuitive and most feared evocation of any singular response we may make to another; it is far stronger than fear itself, but never subject to any of the attendant restraints that befall fear, and our other emotions.
Love, and an individual's capacity for loving, is a life force unto itself. Grasp it when you encounter it in another. Nurture it when you find it in yourself. Scatter it around you, just as you might seeds in a fallow field. In time your harvest will be an abundant and far exceeding the expectations of all.
Warren C. E. Austin
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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hey little bro,
we chatted a lot today and i just want you to know that i am here for you and we have a chat date saturday moring so i can tell you all about matt...my first Boy Friend.
peace
and hugs
tim...of USA
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Tom, I had a best friend until I told him I had been raped. There were three of us from age 6. After I told him and had hoped he wouldnt treat me different, I was wrong. He told me to go away and that only GAY guys allowed themselves to be raped, I was 12 at the time.
Like Marc said, you are fortunate that Connor didnt go mad and tell a whole lot of people. I know it is no consolation but from the fact he didnt means he wants to still be a friend, just maybe not yet?? Hugs for you anyway 
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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You told Conor well. An act of courage
He listened well, an act also of courage
He kept your confidence, an act of a gentleman
He is not gay. He is lucky. And I htink he may even realise that.
What ypu have had is the best available outcome. He does not dislike oyu, probably even likes you, but is unsure of "stuff", which is reasoanable. He is keeping an emotional distance. "I guess" is a good answer.
I think you need to let him know that he need not be uncomfortable, somehow. He sounds as if he is under a little pressure. The challenge is to do this without making him feel pursued.
I was thinking of somehow expressing tohim the fact that, while he now knows more about you than mpst anyone else in your life, that knowledge is not pressure. And that you are not aching to get into his pants. And that you respect him and his needs and wishes totally. It IS weird to be adored by someone that is wrong for you. In that way it is very little different from being adored by the girl no-one fancies.
So, somehow tell him quietkt that you are not drooling over him, and nor is he an erotic fantasy or a sex object. Tell him that you acknowledge the potential for discomfort, and that you do not wish him ever to feel uncomfortable near you.
BUT don't rush your fences. Plan how and do it gently and with care for his feelings
And, though all this, if you ARE his friend, BE that friend.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Even though you did not get to hear that which you most wanted to, even the seemingly simple act of trying is worthy of praise.
While it might be you and Conor will never be friends (and I say "might" because it's maybe not something you should just give up on. Give him time, maybe he will become more neutral to the concept of a guy liking him), and more probably, never boyfriends, you're getting practice in a way, building courage. Next time - and you can be assured there will be one - you're more ready for it.
You have our friendship and support at all time of course! Even though we're only faceless figures across the internet, you still have us to rely on.
I feel a little like a proud father you even dared to speak to him again. Hugs for you, friend!
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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As Tom knows, but no-one else does, my first crush (a straight guy) didn't talk to me for 6 months after he found out I liked him. Be glad that Conor is willing to talk to you, even if it is in short, fragmented sentences  Also, as has been said, all things will be made whole with time, it took a while, but Jason finally realised that I no longer liked him, and even if I did, that I wouldn't try anything, if you have the oportunity to express the fact to Conor though, you are better off taking it, instead of waiting for him to come around (those straight guys usually are a little slower  ).
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