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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I decided to go back to just lurking. I just dont feel comfortable here. All I got from my posts were old guys asking me to email them. Then it looked like a kid said something about getting perved on and when this timmy guy was asked if he knew anything about it he wouldnt answer. I just dont know what to do. I guess im just scared.
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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drew,
talk to smith or TomS or ashley....they are all your age bro and i know they will be able to help....if only by listening but that helps.
peace
tim...of USA
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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You know, the question that was asked was impossible to answer.
The decision you have made is right for you, which is what matters. If you are concerned about people suggesting that oyu email them, then it is wisest not to email them. It is vitally important to stay within your comfort zone when using the internet, and not to respond to overtures that are in any way not to your taste.
It is a shame that you don't feel comnfortable here, though I cannto see how to change the place to make you feel more comfortable. All I would say is that this seems to be one of the better places. OK, I WOULD say that. It's my place.
By no means everyone here is old, you know.
It is perfectly possible that someone younger has been encouraged into a relationship with someone older, Drew. It is also unlikely that such a relationship would thrive. Very few younger people are interested in romantic or sexual liaisons with older ones. But no-one can know this for sure. The internet is a large and relatively unsafe place. This is why meetings are not advisable unless major precautions are in place to protect each party.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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But he said right away who he was and how old he was too. I talk with him sometimes on AIM and he never asked anything about me. We talk about stuff like about how school went and things like that all the time
I just felt scared when so many people wanted me to email with them. and when that question thing was there it all made me even more scared. How do I know when I am talking with someone my own age.?
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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You can only take people online at face value, Drew. For example you see my own date of birth on my website. But how do you KNOW it is true?
It is safe to email, at your discretion. It is safe to message, again at your discretion. Depending on your own age and circunmstances it is not safe to exchange personal details that identify you.
By creating an email address that is a pseudonym you can protect yourself from unwanted attention and still talk to people. In time you will be able to judge 80% sure who is genuine. But only 80%
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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Drew
Initially, at least you can't, and never will be able to do so with any degre of certainty.
At worst, they are exactly what you fear they are, and you are well advised to avoid them at al costs; at best, like you they are uncertain, maybe a little shy, and hiding some of their "personal" issues just as you are.
The only time you may have a reasonable degree of certainty that you at least know who you are dealing with is if their e-Mail address is styled on a "Domain-name" Server, such as my own and any number of others here.
A "WhoIs" search of my domain will tell you who I am, and where I'm located, but little else. It doesn't for example tell you my gender; nor my ethnic origins; nor my age; nor my hair- or eye-colour, or height or weight; nor whether I married or not, or if I have children; nor whether I have sex or not, and if I do with whom. In short other than verifying for you that the e-Mail you received does come from someone tracable to you, it has said very little else.
Even less can be said of those, for whatever their reasons, who have chosen to utilize the facilites of a "Portal-site" such as "aol.com", "yahoo.com", "excite.com", "msn.com" or "hotmail.com", "lycos.com", et al. These services, and I, too, have accounts with all of them excepting "aol.com" and "msn.com", offer anonymimity amongst other services, and I would imagine is one of the more significant reasons for people using them.
I have chosen not too, much for the reasons as given above. I use a published "Domain-name" e-Mail address here at theis Board so that its' clientele and membership are assured of at least that much verification of who I am.
When it comes the question of age, short of their, and you, belonging to some sort of internet sponsored facility whereby all users are required to furnish relevant "credit-card" details in order to Register for Membership in a "Members Only" type Club or Community, you can't possibley ever know for sure, and even in this l;ast circumstance, all you reallly are asured of is that the "Member" has had access to the relevant credit-card at the time of registration, not that they are in fact the card-holder.
This issue of identity, whether age=specific, or name-specific, is a slippery slope, and very contentious and thorny issue.
With age comes the experience to hopefully be able to distinguish, and separate the charlatans for the worthy; but, just as your conduct would be determined as it applies in "real" face-to-face "personal" encounters, so it should apply on-line. It is always best to be cautious, yet sympathethic, reavealing little about yourself initially, and moderate the flow of that information over time, and guage your feelings about each encounter based on the last - just like you would anywhere else.
Each "visible" Member here, has shared a number of personal details of themselves over time, but have done so only to further the flow of dialogue amongst all the clientele here. Each would be just as cautious in the "real" world; not all are as open as I , nor as comfortable with their life-style choices or circumstances. Just as you are only now coming to terms with your own.
The ultimate acid-test of all this being, I guess, never ask of another, information that you yourself would not be comfortable sharing, and don't expect, demand, that they treat you with the same degree of respect.
Warren C. E. Austin
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Is when someone takes 500 words to say "be careful".
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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If some "old guy" wants to talk about your sexual fantacies, then something is wrong. If he is just asking how you are coping, then it is probably just concern on his part. I for one, was concerned about you and I even wanted to send you an email yesterday asking you how you are doing, but your email address had a space in it, and I did not get around to sending anything. I guess I am glad I didn't as it might have scared you more.
You can always just post and not submit your email. I am just kind of worried seeing you try and cope all on your own.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I have been here at timmy's MB for a while now and these "old guys" you are referring to are my friends. They have been kind and helpful and always gentlemen. I have no problem with you posting but I do have a problem with you making it sound like the younger people on this MB are in ANY way scared to be here.
I was the 'kid' who told timmy about an article I had read in a magazine about problems that might arise on the internet for kids. He and I discussed it. Period. End of that. No one was getting "perved on" and so, timmy had nothing to say about it.
Those "old guys" just wanted to help, Drew. You asked for help and they were responding. Simply that !
smith
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Are the older guys your friends? Thats cool. All I know is that I've read things that did not seem right. And if you were the kid that started all this crap then you should know that your talk wasnt the end of it. If you got an attitude drop it on someone else or are you protecting someone by twisting how I feel back onto me. it wasnt me that made me feel wierd it was some of the guys that tried to get me to talk with them. OH WHO NEEDS THIS FUCKING SHIT.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Drew,
Don't lay all this on smith. Were all here because we care about each other. If you received something inappropriate, then lets deal with it appropriatly, get ahold of Timmy.
I'm sorry if any of my words in the other post were hurtful, but it was how i felt after reading about things against older people. It made me feel like i shouldn't be here. smith and I have chatted once on AIM, and Tom S and I have chatted quite a bit. I don't want to know anything that I wouldn't be prepared to answer myself. I am very careful in what I chat about with anyone under 18. I'm 34, and somethings people say to me, make me uncomfortable, so I do know how you feel about that.
I'm still making friends here, and would like to get to know everyone. The friends that I have met have been awesome, and wish you the same luck here too. All I can say is to be careful, listen to others that you trust, and stick around a while. Your more than welcome to contact me anytime you wish, but I'm careful too, until I get to know someone.
Brian
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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If im not suposed to say whats bothering me what the hell good is this place.
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Friends can say what's on their minds and be honest. Friends try to support each other. Friends TRY to choose their words so they don't offend or insult others. Friends don't always succeed in all of these.
I'm glad you found this place, Drew. I hope you make some friends.
One of the "really cool" things about this place, for me, is we can be ourselves and don't have preconceived ideas based upon appearances like when we meet people in real life. If you met me you might easily think "Hmm, a fat white middle-aged married guy - got nothing to say to him!" When, in reality, I've just started to really figure out my sexuality in the last 2 years and I don't know much about anything, and I often FEEL like I'm still that scared 15 yo that's still inside me. I learn a lot from the "youngsters" here.
If you get e-mail from us "regulars" you can read much about us here if you look - some really personal stuff, actually, because we tend to trust each other. Some of us admit even things we aren't proud of. That might help you decide if we are predators or whatever.
Most of us will offer to listen whenever you want to "talk" even if we don't know how to offer. Us "geezers" had no Internet, no one to talk to when we were teenagers, so maybe we overreact sometimes? I'm sure I'm guilty of this.
Timmy's right, though, all of us want you to BE safe and FEEL safe, so please do what's right for you. If you stay, we'll all try to share our limited knowledge, whether that's 15 years worth or 51 years worth.
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Do you know what a community is?? well here there is one. Do you know what friends are? well here there can be many for you. You are looking for a shoulder to cry on? then here you will find a sympathetic ear.
You are looking for someone to blame for your short comings in life or that you are pissed off with someone or something, well dont come HERE ok?? You can air legitimate grievences or you can discuss with others what ails you but NEVER, and I MEAN never, come here looking to label others as having MADE you do somthing ya wouldnt do ok?? I, like smith take exception to my friends being singled out because they happen to be older.
BTW, you are most welcome but if you continue to be so unfriendly, I will ahve my Kangaroo mafia come track ya down and kick ya arse ok?? 
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I was scared. I just want to be me for once. I want the other kids to leave me alone.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Drew gets bullied at school. Is it any wonder he has prickles and nervousnesses?
Let's cut him the slack he needs, please.
Sure, some things have been said that seem capable of being offensive. But take them in full and they aren't. And since I "own" the place and thus COULD take majoroffense and am NOT doing so, please follow my example one and all.
We all have something to add here. Let's add the good parts.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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drew, your pissed off hurt and very angry....i may be old but trust me i understand.
but who and what are you pissed off at ...us here at the MB or all the daliy shit your have to deal with?
yell scream and call us old guys all the names you want but know this i care and i'll be here if you want to chat email or just paot messages.
peace bro
tim...of USA
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Hey Drew. I'm sorry to hear you feel this way.
However, these "old guys" that are e-mailing you are only trying to help you out. They are compassionate, understanding, and willing to help. They are not looking to "perv" you at all. They see the problems you're still experiencing and they are offering support, an ear for listening, and a shoulder to cry on, if needed.
From personal experience, I've been here since September, and I haven't seen anything you speak of. I've only seen many wonderful gentlement offer their support, advice, and most importantly, friendship.
We're all a family here. We wouldn't try to hurt each other like that.
Hang in there, Drew. We're all pulling for you.
-Tom 
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Your right Drew, you can say what is on your mind. I've noticed that myself and a few others have read things into what has been said from time to time. Your post left me feeling that I don't belong here. I'm assuming that I'm wrong about that. (hope I am) Your words to smith were very strong, and made me want to defend him. You can always say what is on your mind.
I have a tendency to ask Timmy if I can post something. His answer is always pretty much "do it". My first post here never got one reply. It took me a while to post again because I felt nobody cared. But I met some of the guys here and tried again.
So Drew, I'm going to say this even if others disagree with me, "Speak up buddy, were listening".
Brian
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Drew,
Men (as opposed to guys, or kids) also get scared sometimes. We need people to talk to, need for people to remind us we're still human beings, that we're worth something as a human being. That our existence has meaning, though it sometimes doesn't feel that way.
There are more men here than guys or kids. We've kind of gathered around timmy, who's sort of become online dad for more people than just Ashley. Guys and kids are welcome too of course.
Since there are more men here than guys or kid, when a guy or a kid comes here looking for help, chances are a man will ask if they want to chat or email; it's simply the law of probabilities at work (and a bunch of helpful, friendly people of course! ). So, that does NOT mean the man wants to get into your pants, Drew! Still, timmy's advice is sound; you should not do things that makes you uncomfortable. If chatting or emailing with a man makes you uncomfortable for any reason, then just say so. Politely though, mind you, since otherwise you're likely to hurt other people's feelings, despite this place exists for speaking your mind. Approaching someone to help and getting a slap in the face for your trouble DOES hurt, you know that as well as I.
You have been a bit thoughtless in this thread. I hope it's been unintentional, you have to understand people only wish to help you.
I, and others, would certainly like to see you stay. If you want to lurk, then by all means do so. If you want to post and speak your mind then do so also, minding your manners of course... Respect for others is maybe THE most important concept of this message board after all.
And yes, I am a man. I'm thirty years old (some say xx years young, but I feel old). Don't email me unless YOU want to, okay?
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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I never meant my post to be detrimental? All I did was tell some facts and make it clear that I dont like my FRIENDS or THIS community tarnished.
I understand bullying Drew and believe me, bullying of others cause YOU are hurt doesnt bode well for friendship. Give the ppl here a chance and you will find stallwarts and not antagonists.
PS, like I said, be good or the Roos will come get ya.
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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You Know What, 'Drew'...... 
HEY, lets calm down a little 
We are friends here 
Re: You Know What, 'smith'...... 
