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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I was up allmost all night trying to think of a way to say all the things I want to say to them. I tried to guess how much about me I should tell them. After a long time I decided Im going to tell them everything. I hope I do it right. Someone here told me about a web site for kids that want to tell their parents they are gay. I have to help my dad get a load of wood and we will be gone most of the morning. I will talk with him then.
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No Message Body
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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good luck bro
and you cant do it "wrong" just be your self and take it slow you'll know what to say and how to say it.
i'll be keeping good thoughts for you (always am but more today)
peace
tim...of USA
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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just remember he has 10 seconds to understand what you have known all your life.
Go gentle, go slow, and let him know that he will just know oyu better. You are not different.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Drew, I know how it feels to debate telling your parents or not. I've wanted to tell them for a few weeks now, but I haven't been able to. It takes a LOT of bravery to do something like that. You're quite an extraordinary young man, Drew. 
Please let us know how it goes. We're all pulling for you.
-Tom 
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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No Message Body
Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words
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Just as you have been going thru a process of "coming out" to yourself and others, your family will go through their own step-by-step adjustment process called, "Finding Out".
There is a wonderfully supportive International organization with thousands of local chapters. It's called Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays P-FLAG). Ii is a group made up of other parents of young people who have come out to them, and helps with the adjustments they will likely go thru after learning the news about you. I know they have a good web-site, maybe a Google search will find it for Drew...any volunteers to find it for him?
P-FLAG has also produced an excellent book for parents newly finding out, and it's called "Now that You Know". That is available in most local bookstores and also from Amazon.com for sure. Info about the book is also on their website.
I use the book in many client sessions (I am a shrink) where coming out is an issue. These are good people, very down to earth, supportive, and not full of psycho-babble.
Good luck with it, we'll all be thinking of you! Tell us what happens, ok?
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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I found the link to the P_FLAG website, plus along with 5,000 other hits for local chapters all over the place. Wherever you are located, Drew, there should be friendly and non-threatening groups of parents. The link is http://www.pflag.org/
Hope this is helpful...and timmy...maybe add it to your info pages and links, if it's not there already?
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Drew~
You are doing a good thing, for yourself and so that your family can know you again and help you. You are very brave and honest. Let us know how you are and how the day went.
{{{hugs}}}
smith
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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We went for the wood this morning and I asked my dad if we could talk. He said he was waiting for a while for me to talk to him and he said my mom was too. At first I wasnt sure what he meant by that but when I tried to just come right out and say it I couldnt. He said to me that I could tell him anything no matter what it was.
I thought about it for a while then I just came out and said it. I thought I was going to puke but I didnt. When I said to him that I was gay he didnt say anything he didnt even move for a long time. After a while I said that it wasnt my fault and he said he knew it wasnt. then he started crying and that made me start crying. We spent the rest of the morning in a little resturant and we talked about everything. He said he thinks he knew all along but was waiting for me to be sure.
I think things are going to be ok. Now we have to tell mom. I hope it goes ok too. But this time at least dad said he would be with me.
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the scholar
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Toe is in the water |
Location: England
Registered: August 2002
Messages: 59
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Drew
My name is Stephen and I am writing to say that I am so happy to hear that you were able to speak with your Dad and that he is going to support you when you speak to your Mom.
Telling your parents is such a big step and I am so proud of you for making this brave move.
I hope you will also be able to confide in them all of the problems you have been having at school and that you receive the love and support from them you deserve.
Stephen
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I talked with my dad about school and he said he will handle it. Im not sure what he meant but I know my dad when gets mad and he was mad.
I know who you are from reading things here Stephen. Im sorry about your friend.
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the scholar
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Toe is in the water |
Location: England
Registered: August 2002
Messages: 59
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Thank you, Drew - that's very kind of you.
I am happy to hear that your dad "will handle it" - whatever it means, it can't make things any worse. A "mad" dad is a caring dad - rejoice in that, some aren't so lucky.
Stephen
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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drew,
i am sitting here in tears and if you have read anything i ever posted you might know i am one tough SOB.
i am so happy for you and jelious at the same time. i wish things with my dad went like your did.
i am so proud of you bro.
sorry cant type any more...lol...cant see the key board cause of the crying
peace
love
tim...of USA
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No Message Body
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Now be sure to give your father the URL's I E-Mailed you.
I don't think I have smiled this much since our civil union day.
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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I got the same sick feeling when I told my friend. Everybody says it will be easier next time. (God I hope so).
Good job buddy
Brian
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I too am so proud of you. I do think your dad will respect you even more for your bravery and trust in him. I know it isn't possible for everyone to come out to their parents when they are certain how negative the reaction will be, but it is almost always scary due to the uncertainty even with the most open-minded parents.
Here's a couple sites if they are useful. As a parent, the first really touched my heart. The second I just now found accidentally while searching for the first:
http://www.familyacceptance.com
http://members.tripod.com/gayresources
I do think, generally speaking, mothers are probably more likely to accept gay sons than fathers, just because they are wired to nurture and care for their kids and don't have the macho crap going on. If Dad says she has been waiting, it won't be a total surprise. That she would consider the possibility means she has been paying attention to you and isn't totally ignorant.
Even if it's not a total surprise, the news will take awhile to sink in, then awhile for real acceptance.
God will hear my thanks for clearing your first hurdle and my prayers for the second.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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You just did something HUGE, and did it well. And your dad is a true dad.
The next thing is this is going to feel like a big anticlimax.
Be prepared to feel weepy and euphoric at the same time. It goes with the territory. Be prepared to feel that you want to tell the world. Do NOT do this unless and until you are ready.
Take time to get to know your parents again, properly. Let them get to know you. Be prepared for all sorts of questions about HIV, AIDS, safe sex, casual sex. Do NOT be offended by any of it. Use it all as a chance to educate your parents and to learn yourself.
Show them how much you understand about you and how much you have to learn as well.
Well done Drew. If I may hug you?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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mt
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 93
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No Message Body
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You're really brave, which I admire tremendously, and I do so hope this is the start for things getting better for you. Your dad seems to be a good dad, and I hope your mom will be good to you too when you tell her.
I wish you ALL the best. Take care!
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Hugs to you Drew! I am very happy for you, and, like Tim, it brought tears to my eyes, but for different reasons. I guess I am a sap for happy endings (although this is not really and ending but a beginning).
Please continue to post with your feelings and experiences. I am sure that those words WILL help another out there who is going through the same struggles. And hopefully give them the courage to face their problems with head held high as you did.
Hugs, Charlie
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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That's wonderful. You've got a really great dad. Good luck with your mom.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Good Luck! I hope it works out well!! 
Thinking of you 
Support for your parents as you tell them is near! 
