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I'm not sure what to do. For the last couple of weeks there have been more and more people talking of getting hurt and feeling unsafe. This hurts me deeply…
I joined this MB nine months ago almost to the day, on my birthday actually, and I thus met truly wonderful people. Looking back at the posts I made I now see that I told more then I planned, it felt right. For me this had truly become a place of safety.
You see, I tend to stay emotionally detached even from people whom are very close to me; it's just how I am. Only now did I come to see how greatly attached I have become to all of you, how much I care for you- people that I haven't even met in person. This might sound strange to you but understanding just how much I care frightened me, I guess I'm just new to these. All the tension brewing beneath the surface here is just too much for me right now. I feel hurt, violated some how and I'm not even sure why or how.
I'm not sure what to do. I think I will now take a step back and go away for a while maybe get some self control again. I am not writing this to hurt anyone it is just the way I feel. I had to get this off my chest and, as I learned, this is the place for it. Perhaps I'll return quickly perhaps it will take me longer but for now this seems to be my best plan of action.
Lots of love,
Gil
Searching for the light at the end of the bed...
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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No Message Body
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Gil,
I haven't been here nine months yet, but i've been here long enough to see that it's like a huge family. And like all family's, there are arguements, even in real ones. Everyone just needs some time to cool down again. I'm guilty of that right now too. I posted earlier today, and later felt i might have done the wrong thing. But Timmy said that it was going to stay on the board, so I felt a little better, not much since i've seen what has happened.
Don't go, just give it some time to settle down again.
Brian
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the scholar
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Toe is in the water |
Location: England
Registered: August 2002
Messages: 59
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As a friend, I ask you to stay - please.
Stephen
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I recently took some time without posting anything for about a month. It wasn't really even intentional. I just didn't feel like I had anything worth saying. During that time I realized how much I really care about the people here and how much I missed the interactions.
I think that without really realizing it, I was also effected by the people who were being hurt and saying they were leaving. I felt helpless and like I was losing a lot of friends.
After thinking about it a while, I realized how the board seems to be dominated by people who came here about the same time I did or perhaps just after. It is no longer the board that it was when I joined. That is both good and bad.
The board has grown so it is not really as intimate as it used to be. It is much more diverse. There are more people voicing more opinions and talking about a wider variety of issues. It is inevitable that some people will be hurt and that some will feel out of place. But one thing I know is true. Nearly everyone is kind-hearted and well intended. I have seen almost no one here who has intentionally said hurtful things. As long as that is the case this will remain "a place of safety" even though it cannot be perfect.
To keep it this way people must feel free to say what is on their mind and in their heart, even when they are saying that they have been hurt by something or someone here. Hopefully you will come to understand as I did that when people feel free enough to be able to speak up when they are hurt, then what they are really saying is that this is a place that is safe enough that they can take such a risk.
I know it can hurt to hear such things, but that is because you are a kind, considerate, and caring person. And people can feel as though they can talk about their feelings with you even when they aren't feeling so good.
Think good thoughts,
e
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Each has issues. Sometimes they overflow into harder words than one might wish for.
e, I think the board is not dominated by anyone. Or I hope not. New folks have arrived, some others have gone, some have returned.
All, I think, are caring. All kind hearted. Some talk more directly than others.
Gil, stay and talk a while. Of you and who you are inside. I sense something deep inside is paining you. Sometmes we dont; even know it. So speak gently and often until it hits the surface
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Please dont go because I screwed up. I just get scared of things sometimes and I got things all messed up in my head. I saw some things and I didnt understand what was going on. I didnt understand how things work here.
Im sorry.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I'm sorry too............for being rude when you were confused. I was protecting the MB and the great people here. It doesn't need protecting and you fit right in. Please feel welcome and please know that I don't usually pop off like that.
Gil will come back when he's ready. No one can stay away for long. You didn't do anything wrong........everyone should always say what their heart tells them to say. It's the only way to work things out that need fixing.
{{hugs}}
smith
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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i have emailed gil and i totally understand why he is taking a "time out"
like smith said he'll be back ...if only to check up on the posts he'll be back
peace
tim...of USA
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I know what you should do....Stay ! 
Please don't go. 
Drew........ 