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Love  [message #67301] Sat, 12 January 2013 05:34 Go to next message
The Duck is currently offline  The Duck   United Kingdom

Getting started

Registered: October 2012
Messages: 2



I am in love..... with my best friend and he doesn't know. I'm going to tell him how I feel soon, maybe even today and I wanted to make a little place for people to discuss the topic of love. I would like some advice on what to do, if you have a spare minute to help me :)
Re: Love  [message #67302 is a reply to message #67301] Sat, 12 January 2013 07:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



Because you love him make sure you tell him quietly and in a way that he has the chance of remaining your best friend. Tell him first that you are gay (or bi). If he expresses horror then you have no need to tell him that you love him because you have your answer. If he is fine about your being gay, then you can move to the next revelation. "It's not just that I'm gay [name of person]. The next part has been burning through my soul. I'm in love with my best friend, and I know he probably isn't gay." and take things from there. 

I see from your profile that there is an implication that the two of you 'experiment' together. That makes it easier to broach the subject, and somehow harder in a way. I wish I knew more about how old you both are, not that it makes a huge difference.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Love  [message #67304 is a reply to message #67302] Sat, 12 January 2013 19:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
saben is currently offline  saben   Japan

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



I lost a friend I had a crush on by being outed to him. That's the worst case you are looking at and should be aware of.

I was also happy to lose that friend, though. Because I didn't want to stay friends with someone that had such attitudes.

Since then I've confessed my love to various other people and been met with mixed results. You NEED to do this, but as timmy says HOW you do it can have a big impact.

Before telling him you're gay, make sure you know how he feels about "gay people" generally.

Also, if he's okay with you being gay but doesn't return your feelings it'll become extra hard work to maintain your friendship. You'll need to work on hiding your feelings (at least when he's around) lest it make your friendship awkward.

I wish you luck, though. You need to tell him. I understand that compulsion is never going to go away.
Re: Love  [message #67305 is a reply to message #67304] Sat, 12 January 2013 19:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



Being outed to someone almost compulsorily prejudices them against one. "I have to be against him because that is what my peers expect me to do." Very few folk are strong enough to handle things like that.

Duck's profile implies that the attitude to gay people is likely to be ok



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Love  [message #67306 is a reply to message #67301] Sat, 12 January 2013 21:26 Go to previous message
DanB is currently offline  DanB   United Kingdom

Getting started
Location: England,Buckinghamshire
Registered: June 2012
Messages: 1




I did exactly the same thing few a months ago... i had the same thoughts as you,would he still like me as a friend?,is he gay too? etc...Just go for it! whatever the reaction,it puts your mind at ease,and makes you feel much,much better.. Smile



Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

-Martin Luther King
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