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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > The alleged goal of anal sex
The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67777] Fri, 24 May 2013 06:56 Go to next message
timmy

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I found this interview. Its content interests me, though it is not congruent with my own thoughts and needs. I wonder what others think?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67778 is a reply to message #67777] Fri, 24 May 2013 11:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW

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It's all a bit 1980s, really. It was probably true then that anal sex was often seen as the defining gay male sexual experience, and there was a positive backlash against this view.

In the 21st century, I really don't think it's an issue. It's widely known that anal sex is only a regular part of their repertoire for about a third of gay male couples, and that somewhere around a third of gay men have never had anal sex and have no desire to. We're learning to do away with labels ("top", "bottom", "cocksucker" etc) in favour of actually understanding that individuals are more subtle than that.

Speaking personally, I used to enjoy anal sex. However, it's something that I can no longer do, as my back problems make it almost impossible unless I just lie there like a dead thing (something I'm not constitutionally fitted for). I don't feel that giving it up has either enhanced or diminished my sex life ... and I don't see my sex life as a political act, but as a loving negotiation between myself and my partner.



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67779 is a reply to message #67778] Fri, 24 May 2013 12:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr

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My first 'friend turned boyfriend' and I found we both wanted to top the other, but neither of us wanted to be the bottom. We thought that since we didn't fit together that way, we just didn't belong together.
I asked myself about anal sex after that. I was sixteen, and eventually figured it was up to the guys, and I didn't see it made any difference to me. I liked top and bottom, depending on with whom. And I found sometimes I didn't want either. But I missed out on a possibly great relationship because I hadn't come to that conclusion earlier.



raysstories.com
Re: The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67781 is a reply to message #67777] Sat, 25 May 2013 16:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Deeej is currently offline  Deeej

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I'd agree with NW that it seems outdated.

I've never felt any pressure to have anal sex nor noticed any particular stigma attached to not wanting to have it. There are plenty of other things to do in the bedroom.

I wouldn't imagine that's unusual among people of my age group in the UK, although I'll add that being a bit eccentric and awkward I'm not sure I'm necessarily representative -- I'm sure it depends on who you meet and what their priorities are (I steer clear of people who are looking just for sex).

David
Re: The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67782 is a reply to message #67781] Sat, 25 May 2013 21:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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The thing about sex is that anything one does is because one wants to and one's partner wants to. Or one can do it to try it out. But I don't understand despising people who enjoy anal sex or despising those who do not.

I happen to crave anal sex, and yet, had I a male partner, I would be wholly content to enjoy what we both enjoy. If anal sex were not for him, then not for us it would be. This is what one's collection of many remarkable and interesting dildos is for.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67790 is a reply to message #67782] Mon, 03 June 2013 21:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr

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I've never enjoyed dildos on myself when I'm alone. I do enjoy using them on a partner, though, and don't mind having one used on me if he wants to.
Sounding, though, I'm a real fan of. Giving and getting, and just love doing it at the same time.



raysstories.com
Re: The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67791 is a reply to message #67790] Mon, 03 June 2013 23:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Quote:
Smokr wrote on Mon, 03 June 2013 22:05I've never enjoyed dildos on myself when I'm alone. I do enjoy using them on a partner, though, and don't mind having one used on me if he wants to.
Sounding, though, I'm a real fan of. Giving and getting, and just love doing it at the same time.

There are a couple of issues with sounding. One major one is the relatively high incidence of bladder infections unless one is scrupulous with hygiene. The other is the ability to tear the urethra. A sound has a small diameter and can be easily used by accident to tear or penetrate.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The alleged goal of anal sex  [message #67793 is a reply to message #67791] Tue, 04 June 2013 14:57 Go to previous message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr

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No argument from me. Didn't say it was safer, just that I prefer it to dildos. Absolute cleanliness is mandatory, sterility, actually.  And unlike using many things as a dildo (bottle, candle, broom etc) other items should not be used. And, some sounds are even risky, being curved etc. And it shouldn't be done on one's own until after 'lessons' from someone with experience, or at least a good deal of research.
Not to mention properly sterile and thin lubricant. That is probably where most injuries/infections arise. Using Vaseline or common sex lubricant is NOT a good idea. Surgilube or another sterile, water-based lube is mandatory, or infections and blockage is a real risk.
Not to be attempted by a novice or the uninitiated.
But, oh, wow. Someone who knows what he's doing, with the right size and type! Beats a dildo hands down.
I'm sure there's a pun in there somewhere.



raysstories.com
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