A Place of Safety
I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love.
Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving!
We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register
















You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > I just need to get this off my chest ...
I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71154] Mon, 29 February 2016 23:43 Go to next message
NW is currently offline  NW   United Kingdom

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1531



As some will know, six years and one week ago, an eighteen-year-old street-sleeping HIV+ heroin addict with advanced TB moved in with me. There were a number of posts about this. He eventually got stable, and we moved out of London to a provincial city in November 2011. After a couple of years,nhe got into a relationship with a woman who lived on the far side of the country, and moved in with her.

They had two kids - the youngest born September 2015. Social services got involved, and the kids were taken into care. The lad,for assorted reasons, moved back in with me, to try to get himself in a fit state to get his kids back. Last week, he acquired a new girlfriend, in the town I live in,band moved out of my house to live with her. It was his 25th birthday on Saturday.

My 84 year old mother had a serious fall on Thursday (broken wrist, broken shoulder), and cane out if hospital on Saturday. I went over for a couple of days, to set up a TV in her bedroom, install grab rails,order appliances, and so on. She's pretty much bedridden, with a carer visiting three times a day, and her 87 year old boyfriend there to help as best he can..

I got back to my city this evening, and noticed the lad's new girlfriend begging outside the station, but did not speak. I went into the shop to buy milk,and the lad came in, rather the worse for wear, and with a bleeding cut on his nose (a device he used to use six years ago when begging). He told me he had burgled my house, and taken a TV and a backup hard drive. I threw him in a taxi, and went round to the girlfriends  house, to get the paperwork as he claimed he had pawned them. I then brought him back to my house, where I found a note saying he'd taken a couple of things but would get them back by Friday.

I was furious, but agreed that if that was all it was, I would not report him to the police if I got things back. I gave him money,so that he would at least not burgle anyone else, and he left.I then got a call from the Green Party local officer, who asked my to call my neighbours, as they were urgently trying to get hold of me but did not have my mobile number. It turns out that the lad had repeatedly burgled my house over the weekend, entering through an upstairs window, and that they had called the police on at least one occasion at 0430 as he was doing so.I discovered several more things that the lad had taken - there are probably still more things to be missed.

I went round to the neighbours for tea and sympathy, and after considerable deliberation I rang the police, explaining the situation, and emphasising that the lad is a vulnerable adult who needs psychiatric help and may be a suicide risk. I am waiting for them to come round.

 I'm expecting the heating engineer at 0830 to fit a new boiler: I've been without hot water or heating (apart from a log stove in one room) for a week. I suppose that I will have to ring the assorted pawnbrokers / secondhand tech-stuff shops as soon as they open, and given his name and ask that they hold anything he brought in over the weekend.

I'm a little worried that the lad may seriously take against me,so I'm typing this with a kitchen knife close at hand, just in case.I feel upset, violated, and incredibly angry. Not a lot anyone can do about this unholy mess, but I did just need to vent.



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71155 is a reply to message #71154] Tue, 01 March 2016 00:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



There comes a point beyond which you can not go. You passed that point a long while ago, and you know that.

I know you love him. I know you love his kids. Sometimes love means being hard. This is the time to be hard.

You were never a soft touch. Do not be one now



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71156 is a reply to message #71154] Tue, 01 March 2016 01:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
WestcliffWriter is currently offline  WestcliffWriter   United Kingdom

Toe is in the water
Location: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2015
Messages: 74




"NW wrote on Mon, 29 February 2016 23:43"
As some will know, six years and one week ago, an eighteen-year-old street-sleeping HIV+ heroin addict with advanced TB moved in with me. There were a number of posts about this. He eventually got stable, and we moved out of London to a provincial city in November 2011. After a couple of years,nhe got into a relationship with a woman who lived on the far side of the country, and moved in with her.

They had two kids - the youngest born September 2015. Social services got involved, and the kids were taken into care. The lad,for assorted reasons, moved back in with me, to try to get himself in a fit state to get his kids back. Last week, he acquired a new girlfriend, in the town I live in,band moved out of my house to live with her. It was his 25th birthday on Saturday.

My 84 year old mother had a serious fall on Thursday (broken wrist, broken shoulder), and cane out if hospital on Saturday. I went over for a couple of days, to set up a TV in her bedroom, install grab rails,order appliances, and so on. She's pretty much bedridden, with a carer visiting three times a day, and her 87 year old boyfriend there to help as best he can..

I got back to my city this evening, and noticed the lad's new girlfriend begging outside the station, but did not speak. I went into the shop to buy milk,and the lad came in, rather the worse for wear, and with a bleeding cut on his nose (a device he used to use six years ago when begging). He told me he had burgled my house, and taken a TV and a backup hard drive. I threw him in a taxi, and went round to the girlfriends  house, to get the paperwork as he claimed he had pawned them. I then brought him back to my house, where I found a note saying he'd taken a couple of things but would get them back by Friday.

I was furious, but agreed that if that was all it was, I would not report him to the police if I got things back. I gave him money,so that he would at least not burgle anyone else, and he left.I then got a call from the Green Party local officer, who asked my to call my neighbours, as they were urgently trying to get hold of me but did not have my mobile number. It turns out that the lad had repeatedly burgled my house over the weekend, entering through an upstairs window, and that they had called the police on at least one occasion at 0430 as he was doing so.I discovered several more things that the lad had taken - there are probably still more things to be missed.

I went round to the neighbours for tea and sympathy, and after considerable deliberation I rang the police, explaining the situation, and emphasising that the lad is a vulnerable adult who needs psychiatric help and may be a suicide risk. I am waiting for them to come round.

 I'm expecting the heating engineer at 0830 to fit a new boiler: I've been without hot water or heating (apart from a log stove in one room) for a week. I suppose that I will have to ring the assorted pawnbrokers / secondhand tech-stuff shops as soon as they open, and given his name and ask that they hold anything he brought in over the weekend.

I'm a little worried that the lad may seriously take against me,so I'm typing this with a kitchen knife close at hand, just in case.I feel upset, violated, and incredibly angry. Not a lot anyone can do about this unholy mess, but I did just need to vent.

--

There is an old saying... Try, and if you don't succeed try try again. 

I very much doubt the guy who first came up with this little motivator had intended your "lad" to ever be the sort of person to measure it with. I have not personally read your other posts and am reading this for the first time. But, on the face of what you have described in this e-mail alone I would have to say that you really need to wash your hands. Timmy is right, this guy sounds like he needs to be... well, my view, put down, as he serves no purpose to society but to drain its resources. Now if as you have stated there is a past to all this and he has done this before to you then I must be blunt and say you are a fool! I choose this word carefully and not as it's intended use to offend. But, while it could be argued that he is the way he is because of his addiction to substances, you should ask yourself if are the way you are because of your addiction to him? I say this because no one in their right mind would suffer at the hands of what he has done to you once, let alone multiple times as you suggest.

There comes a point where sorry is meaningless and regret is false. Sometimes you just have to accept that people are opportunists who care nothing for any other person as they relentlessly seek out their vices.

Get rid, you have done more than he deserves a hundred times over!

I wish you the best :) 

[Updated on: Tue, 01 March 2016 19:02]

Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71159 is a reply to message #71154] Tue, 01 March 2016 08:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



I have been talking to NW this morning. He is as ok as anyone in this situation can be



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71160 is a reply to message #71154] Tue, 01 March 2016 08:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



The more I have thought about this, NW, looking back over the past 6 years, the more I see that you have been and are still in an abusive relationship. You are being abused. The need you have to stay in it is caused by the abusive party, who manipulates you in to desiring that he stays in it.

For good or ill, M makes his own decisions. Even drink and drug fuelled, he makes them and is, with precision, where he wishes to be right now. And you are allowing him to control your life and needs.

Changing the power balance in such a relationship requires that HE changes. Six years experience provides very little hope of that. The drugs are not an excuse to allow him to have. He has chosen to take them, and he has chosen to drink. The only choice he did not have was t be HIV+ since he had it from birth.

[Updated on: Tue, 01 March 2016 08:50]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71161 is a reply to message #71156] Tue, 01 March 2016 08:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



"Quote:"
WestcliffWriter wrote on Tue, 01 March 2016 01:59
There is an old saying... Try, and if you don't succeed try try again. 

I very much doubt the guy who first came up with this little motivator had intended your "lad" to ever be the sort of person to measure it with. I have not personally read your other posts and am reading this for the first time. But, on the face of what you have described in this e-mail alone I would have to say that you really need to wash your hands. Timmy is right, this guy sounds like he needs to be... well, my view, put down, as he serves no purpose to society but to drain its resources. Now if as you have stated there is a past to all this and he has done this before to you then I must be blunt and say you are a fool! I choose this word carefully and not as it's intended to use to offend. But, while it could be argued that he is the way he is because of his addiction to substances, you should ask yourself if are the way you are because of your addiction to him? I say this because no one in their right mind would suffer at the hands of what he has done to you once, let alone multiple times as you suggest.

There comes a point where sorry is meaningless and regret is false. Sometimes you just have to accept that people are opportunists who care nothing for any other person as they relentlessly seek out their vices.

Get rid, you have done more than he deserves a hundred times over!

I wish you the best Smile

--
He is not a fool.

instead he has been fooled by a lad he took pity on, took under his wing, took into his heart, his home and his life. While it can be argued that the lad knows no better, and I was, for a time sympathetic to that argument, when every attempt to offer solid, sound, constructive, loving help ends in disaster, despite the temptation to carry on and try again, one must start to admit that the lad is abusing NW's love, kindness, charity, good name and a lot else besides.

He is not a fool. He's just a very decent man. Too decent.

Unfortunately, nor is the person he let into his life a fool.

It is hard to let go of someone you see even a glimmer of potential redemption in. But this one is abusing him.

[Updated on: Tue, 01 March 2016 09:00]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71164 is a reply to message #71161] Tue, 01 March 2016 13:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW   United Kingdom

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1531



I have been unable to contact Maurice this morning, not really to my surprise, despite his assurances.

The thing I was most worried about, my backup external hard drive, is confirmed as being in one of the tech-stuff-exchange places. It has not been wiped, the shop and police are aware, but it cannot be released to me without either police permission or Maurice being present to confirm things. So it looks as though I really need to see Maurice one last time.

My laptop has been traced, it is confirmed that it was sold by Maurice's girlfriend, and I have got it back. Sadly, it has been wiped (hence the importance of the backup).

My large TV and video camera had gone in to a place where both Maurice and I are known, and Maurice had given me the paperwork, so there was no problem with that (apart from cost).

That leaves a couple of cheapo small TV's from bedrooms, which don't worry me, a scanner,  and the main digital camera, which is replaceable. On the whole, it could have been much worse! But it's emotionally draining at a time when I'm worried about my Mum, and I'm thankful for the support of friends near and far.



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71165 is a reply to message #71164] Tue, 01 March 2016 14:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



I think it is probably essential that Maurice is prosecuted for this and taken to a place where he is as safe from himself as possible. I know it is going to be difficult to harden your heart.

Whether you get the backup drive itself back or not, will they allow you to connect to it to retrieve the data from it? It would be unpleasant to have it released to Maurice and lose it again.

Does your insurance cover any of this?

It's easy to see how your good heart got you into this set of unpleasant circumstances. You need to use that same heart, this time combined with your head, to extract yourself.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71168 is a reply to message #71165] Tue, 01 March 2016 19:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
WestcliffWriter is currently offline  WestcliffWriter   United Kingdom

Toe is in the water
Location: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2015
Messages: 74




I guess I am just failing to understand why after 6 years (as it has been stated) that you cannot see this person cannot be helped. It's clear you have had enough, then and now because you feel the need to "vent" as you put it. But without being cruel I must ask the question - what on earth are you doing still in contact with this guy??

I would make an assumption that you come to Iom to ask for advice, suggestions and for people to listen. That's great, but it seems from what i have read here that despite all that you know and others have commented you are still going back back to this person. The biggest question I have as I read your upsetting post is WHY? What is there left to achieve with this person. Do you feel guilty? Do you somehow feel like you have failed? You haven't, you have done all you can and it is time to accept that something as broken as this person is cannot be fixed. It's clear the system has failed him, no question, but its not your problem. Why are you still giving him money? You know what he'll do with it. If you must do anything buy him vouchers, although I would not give him the time of day, let alone something of monetary value.

I'm not saying it is easy, you clearly think alot of him and whilst I am struggling majorly to see why, I accept that walking away from someone you love is difficult. But look at your situation NW. You are 6 years down a painful line and where are you now that you were not when he first moved in? Your stuff is being stolen, Your life is being ruined, your mother is ill and 6 years later you are still in this loop of abuse.

Look, I don't know you, in some ways that may be good because I can offer a totally unbiased view and opinion, but I am sure the people who do have begged you to see the light, and I ask, why haven't you?

We do things in life for a reward, that's what choices are about. We do not deliberately do things that are going to make us unhappy. I'm sure when you first allowed this street urchin to live with you your reward was going to be to see him get on the straight and narrow. But now after 6 years you need to accept that this will not happen - the reward is gone.

We live as a species for around 80 years, and for you, he has taken 6 of them. Are you going to let him take another 6? You might as well be in prison because essentially you are.

Just my 2 cents. 

[Updated on: Tue, 01 March 2016 19:27]

Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71169 is a reply to message #71168] Tue, 01 March 2016 19:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



Quote:
WestcliffWriter wrote on Tue, 01 March 2016 19:23I guess I am just failing to understand why after 6 years (as it has been stated) that you cannot see this person cannot be helped. It's clear you have had enough, then and now because you feel the need to "vent" as you put it. But without being cruel I must ask the question - what on earth are you doing still in contact with this guy??

I would make an assumption that you come to Iom to ask for advice, suggestions and for people to listen. That's great, but it seems from what i have read here that despite all that you know and others have commented you are still going back back to this person. The biggest question I have as I read your upsetting post is WHY? What is there left to achieve with this person. Do you feel guilty? Do you somehow feel like you have failed? You haven't, you have done all you can and it is time to accept that something as broken as this person is cannot be fixed. It's clear the system has failed him, no question, but its not your problem. Why are you still giving him money? You know what he'll do with it. If you must do anything buy him vouchers, although I would not give him the time of day, let alone something of monetary value.

I'm not saying it is easy, you clearly think alot of him and whilst I am struggling majorly to see why, I accept that walking away from someone you love is difficult. But look at your situation NW. You are 6 years down a painful line and where are you now that you were not when he first moved in? Your stuff is being stolen, Your life is being ruined, your mother is ill and 6 years later you are still in this loop of abuse.

Look, I don't know you, in some ways that may be good because I can offer a totally unbiased view and opinion, but I am sure the people who do have begged you to see the light, and I ask, why haven't you?

We do things in life for a reward, that's what choices are about. We do not deliberately do things that are going to make us unhappy. I'm sure when you first allowed this street urchin to live with you your reward was going to be to see him get on the straight and narrow. But now after 6 years you need to accept that this will not happen - the reward is gone.

We live as a species for around 80 years, and for you, he has taken 6 of them. Are you going to let him take another 6? You might as well be in prison because essentially you are.

Just my 2 cents. 

--
You have hit it on the head, hard as those words will be for NW to hear. Emotional abusive relationships are precisely like this. The abused party always thinks the abuser will improve, or that they cannot help it, and makes every possible excuse for their behaviour.

I am sure Maurice is also a charming rogue, capable of giving just enough affection to seem to have redeeming features. The time for his proving his bona fides has passed back in the mists of time, I'm afraid. But the whole mess is complicated. He may not be worth the effort or time of day or so much else, but, and this is key, NW has invested himself in Maurice, and has to make the very tough decisions about what to do next.

What is clear from here is not clear from where he sits. He is in the middle of a hurricane, some of which is something he has contributed to in good faith and in what has turned out to be in error.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71180 is a reply to message #71169] Thu, 03 March 2016 04:02 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr   United States

Likes it here
Location: the burning former USofA
Registered: July 2010
Messages: 399



To be blunt, it sounds like you don't need to get that off your chest, but you need to get him off your back.



raysstories.com
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71184 is a reply to message #71180] Fri, 04 March 2016 14:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
larkin is currently offline  larkin   United States

Toe is in the water
Location: Massachusetts
Registered: June 2015
Messages: 58



welcome to the club...
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71198 is a reply to message #71154] Mon, 07 March 2016 00:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
larkin is currently offline  larkin   United States

Toe is in the water
Location: Massachusetts
Registered: June 2015
Messages: 58



NW,

In my various writer's groups that I participate in, I am often accused of being dark or at best, not being uplifting as if this is the primary goal in all writing. 
 
I have had 3 boyfriends, all a decade or two younger, all dead.  I loved each one more than my own life and now they are gone.  I have stood where you are standing. I have been through it and it is painful because in the end, you can do nothing. 
 
Your lad is in love with someone or something else.  It is obvious that he matters to you, but you don't matter to him and if you do, it is only to get what he needs and that is not love.
 
Heroin makes you feel good but it robs you of compassion and empathy. It leaves you empty and dead inside.    

The junky's euphoric reframe is "I don't care."
 
He doesn't care because his prospects are grim at best. Only he can help himself. You cannot change that.
 
You must remove yourself from the situation.  If your loss is only material, you are getting off easy. To pursue restitution is just an unconscious way of continuing contact.. Let it go.
 
NW, without me familiarizing myself with the details of your dilemma I would suggest that you start writing.  As painful as it may be, it can also be a process of self-realization and possibly a catharsis.
It will pass. 
 
NW,  I know what I am talking about.

[Updated on: Mon, 07 March 2016 00:21]

Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71203 is a reply to message #71198] Mon, 07 March 2016 13:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW   United Kingdom

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1531




I've known him for rather over six years. I've stopped him dying at least twice. I have managed to get all the important stuff back from the burglary (all bar a couple of small televisions), most importantly including my backup hard drive.

Nevertheless, a process of disengagement is going on. He is supposed to be getting emergency accommodation as a vulnerable adult this evening, which will be good if it happens. There is supposed to be a multi-agency meeting tomorrow afternoon, to try to get to grips "holistically". He himself has now recognised that he needs a secure setting, either psychiatric or drug rehabilitation, though this is likely to take a while to set up in the current climate of funding cuts. Depending on how the meeting tomorrow goes, I will try to hold him together long enough for him to get a placement, if I can do so without massive further risk to myself.

It very much looks as though adoption is going to be the best bet for his kids. That greatly saddens me, as I am very close to his 21-month-old son (to whom I am godfather). Although I would willingly take the infant on, I could not also cope with his six-month-old sister, and courts are very unwilling to separate siblings.

On the self-protective / disengagement front, I am having a full alarm system fitted on Wednesday morning. On Wednesday evening I go over to my Mum's: she's still effectively bed-ridden, with a carer coming in twice daily for twenty minutes. This means I'm effectively uncontactable: there is no mobile signal there, although I do walk down the road to check voicemail and messages two or three times a day (M. has never had the landlne number there). To be honest, I'm looking forward to that.

Meanwhile, my angina attacks have gone up from around once a month to several times a week. Thank goodness for GTN spray .... still, it's clearly not a situation that can continue for very long.

NW



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71204 is a reply to message #71203] Mon, 07 March 2016 15:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



Might it not be more expedient to hasten his acceptance by those who will and who need to help him for you not to hold him together at all? If there is no safety net (you) then the authorities are under greater pressure to act.

Were you to adopt your godson you would remain bound to Maurice. I htink you already recognise that your health comes first.

My work requires me to be qualified in First Aid. I have just been reminded at my certificate refresher that the first rule of giving aid is to do so only when it is safe to do so. My judgement from where I stand is that it is not safe for you to do so.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71206 is a reply to message #71204] Mon, 07 March 2016 21:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Nick Deverill is currently offline  Nick Deverill   United Kingdom

Toe is in the water

Registered: November 2012
Messages: 78



For many years, I held a first aid at work certificate. 'Danger' was added to ABC, I think on the first refresher I had.  

So, Danger, Airway, Breathing and Circulation are the starting points. And a helpful hint I don't think I got from officialdom, a casualty cannot be the assessor of whether they need an ambulance, you are. I coined the phrase when I had a kidney stone at work, somebody asked me, and despite being in major agony, I initially said no! Mad really, but I was in far too much pain to answer sensibly. 
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71207 is a reply to message #71206] Mon, 07 March 2016 23:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13518



"Nick "
For many years, I held a first aid at work certificate. 'Danger' was added to ABC, I think on the first refresher I had.  

So, Danger, Airway, Breathing and Circulation are the starting points. And a helpful hint I don't think I got from officialdom, a casualty cannot be the assessor of whether they need an ambulance, you are. I coined the phrase when I had a kidney stone at work, somebody asked me, and despite being in major agony, I initially said no! Mad really, but I was in far too much pain to answer sensibly. 

--
Some years ago I fell headfirst down a flight of concrete stairs behind the office, at the cat park exit. I made a one point landing on my head. A colleague asked if I was all right. "Yes," I said. So they walked off and left me.

I was too involved with the accident to know I needed help. I had no idea I needed the ambulance. Those of us at the centre of the disaster have no idea we need to do something sensible to cope with it.

By the way, Nick, in First Aid we no longer check the circulation. Now it stands for CPR. If they aren't breathing, go for the chest compressions. To many folk failed to find the Carotid Artery and wasted ages failing to find it, so folk died, apparently. We've gained a load of other acronyms, too, like AVPU (jeez, it was only last Friday, and I forgot already)

Those with an interest in saving lives by first aid should look at the interactive video here. It's easier than you think.

NW: you are conscious and breathing; even so you need help. The help folk are trying to give you is to try to help you to break free from your self imposed feeling of obligation. If you owe Maurice anything now it is to force him to stand on his own feet. You have carried this burden longer than is reasonable.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I just need to get this off my chest ...  [message #71558 is a reply to message #71207] Sat, 14 May 2016 04:04 Go to previous message
saben is currently offline  saben   Australia

On fire!

Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537



I remember reading some of your posts about this lad before, NW.

I know how hard it can be to let go of someone, even if they don't (or can't) treat you with the love you show them.

I have an irrationally hard time cutting people off entirely.

I don't really have advice for you. It's something I fail at myself- I went through a phase of feeling alone and letting a thief and extortionist stay in my life. But I understand what you're going through. I hope you can stick to doing what's best for yourself.
Previous Topic: Hi....
Next Topic: Been a while.
Goto Forum: