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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > What is gay and what is not
What is gay and what is not  [message #73484] Fri, 06 October 2017 07:34 Go to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 12931






Inconsistent use of capital letters is the difference between Bobby helping Uncle Jack off a horse, AND Bobby helping uncle jack off a horse!
Re: What is gay and what is not  [message #73503 is a reply to message #73484] Mon, 09 October 2017 21:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tookblupill is currently offline  Tookblupill   United States

Getting started
Location: So Cal
Registered: September 2017
Messages: 5



If one has only known the straight life, but has interests to be with a man. Does that make him a suppressed gay person or does it mean he is just an selfish idiot for wanting to know about what he's feeling and not being in full account for what the other person is experiencing?
Re: What is gay and what is not  [message #73504 is a reply to message #73503] Mon, 09 October 2017 22:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 12931



"Tookblupill wrote on Mon, 09 October 2017 22:59"
If one has only known the straight life, but has interests to be with a man. Does that make him a suppressed gay person or does it mean he is just an selfish idiot for wanting to know about what he's feeling and not being in full account for what the other person is experiencing?

--
Neither.

I think you know why I answer you in that way, but can you verbailise it? Actually, you can; do you choose to?



Inconsistent use of capital letters is the difference between Bobby helping Uncle Jack off a horse, AND Bobby helping uncle jack off a horse!
Re: What is gay and what is not  [message #73505 is a reply to message #73504] Tue, 10 October 2017 03:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tookblupill is currently offline  Tookblupill   

Getting started
Location: So Cal
Registered: September 2017
Messages: 5



You say 'neither', and I should be able to explain if I 'choose to'. I am not as sharp as you are. From what you have exhibited by writtings and comments, your understanding of human nature surpasses mine. I don't mean to bother you with this. I've started here and can't progress.

Take care. Oh, thx for recommending Kiwi. Finished his works. Really saddens me that we can't have more of his works. I enjoyed GH's characters development. However, Kiwi had a real interest to point out social injustices and give you hope things can get better. Just not necessarily how you want. 
Re: What is gay and what is not  [message #73506 is a reply to message #73505] Tue, 10 October 2017 07:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 12931



"Tookblupill wrote on Tue, 10 October 2017 04:58"
You say 'neither', and I should be able to explain if I 'choose to'. I am not as sharp as you are. From what you have exhibited by writtings and comments, your understanding of human nature surpasses mine. I don't mean to bother you with this. I've started here and can't progress.

Take care. Oh, thx for recommending Kiwi. Finished his works. Really saddens me that we can't have more of his works. I enjoyed GH's characters development. However, Kiwi had a real interest to point out social injustices and give you hope things can get better. Just not necessarily how you want. 

--
I was hoping you would look deep inside your heart and see what you really know. So let me lead you a little.

You are, to a greater or lesser extent, someone who appears to prefer emtional and physical love with a man, yet has good personal reasons not to pursue that by abandoning the heterosexual life you have.

That does not make you suppressed. It makes you a perosn who has chosen to set a part of himself to one side.

It does not make you selfish. nor does it make you an idiot. Instead, it makes you generous inthat yo do not wish to hurt the lady with whom you have spent the majority of your life by either leaving her or by bringing sexually transmitted diseases into your home.

Nonetheless it causes you pain, and it probably strains your heterosexual relationship. That issue cannto be resolved without hurting your lady unless you are very brave and choose to remain apparently heterosexual and also faithful to her. Or you could tell her you have strong homosexual inclincations, which risks all that you have.

So which is better? I know you are of a similar age group to me. Very few males who are svelte and charming and intellectually our equals find wrinkly old folk attractive. You could always hope, or go for casual sex, something that just creates an orgasm without emotional congress, or rent, but that life is even more lonely than being gay in a heterosexual marriage.

So start with love. Do you love her? Are you soul mates? Is sex as important as you think it is? Can porn take the place of real sex?



Inconsistent use of capital letters is the difference between Bobby helping Uncle Jack off a horse, AND Bobby helping uncle jack off a horse!
Re: What is gay and what is not  [message #73507 is a reply to message #73506] Tue, 10 October 2017 15:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
William King is currently offline  William King   France

Toe is in the water

Registered: October 2016
Messages: 39



Life involves choices and making decisions, which sometimes are the wrong decisions. The consequences of making a wrong decision can be devastating, they might even be terminal. Think about it, we have all probably been responsible for making bad choices. Like running a red light because it's late, dead quiet, pissing down, you're freezing cold, wet, drunk, and you don't want to stop, you want to get inside, out of the rain, and warm. The consequences could have killed you, or worse, killed someone else, but I've done it, on a motorbike, so it would probably have been me who was killed, but I wasn't.

Then sometimes you feel pressured into wrong decisions, you know it's the wrong choice but the alternative looks worse. So you do it, against your own better judgement, because you don't think you have a choice, and if you believe that you don't have a choice, then you don't! I've been there too. I never in my right mind would run across four tracks of railway lines because it's a short cut, but my mates were there, and some new friends who said they did it all the time. I looked for a way out, but the alternative of losing face in front of my peers left me with no choice. So the six of us ran across four tracks, two slow tracks, two fast. We went through a hole in the fence. We listened for anything coming on the tracks, but those fast trains can come through at 100 mph. I survived.

Those two amongst hundreds of wrong decisions could have had disastrous consequences, imagine being injured, that could leave you handicapped for the rest of your life. I don't want to get too personal here, my point is we all make wrong choices sometimes, and sometimes the consequences are what you have to live with for the rest of your life. You cannot go back and change your mind, change what you decided to do.

When it comes to decisions about relationships I don't find a whole load of people that get married because they fell in love, I'm not even certain a majority of people know that emotion. Perhaps my view is tainted by personal circumstances, but then again when you look at couples who separate the numbers are high. What can come with a relationship is responsibilities, children and family, things which would weigh heavily in any new choices. Sometimes we must set aside choices that may seem to offer personal happiness for a greater reason, it's being unselfish. Life is full of might have beens and there is nothing in heaven or earth that allows you to be anywhere other than where you are. Now you have to try to make the right choices going forward, which will not be decisions that you think might rectify the past, those choices don't exist!

Re: What is gay and what is not  [message #73514 is a reply to message #73506] Thu, 12 October 2017 01:09 Go to previous message
Tookblupill is currently offline  Tookblupill   

Getting started
Location: So Cal
Registered: September 2017
Messages: 5



I  see what you mean by leading me through the thought process. You touched on a lot of the subjects that I've been wrestling with.  William Kings note  deals with the aftermath of this process that you're helping me with. I realize that whatever decisions life had of me, there is no real wrong decision for me.  I see this due to the type of person I am. I have a strong desire for doing the socially excepted.  However as a youth I was exactly the opposite. As I was trying to come through my teen years I was a contrary in to anything my parents stood for. This includes  social morays and religion. However the way I chose to rebel was to find a different set of friends and a different religion to hide behind.  Similarly, my younger brother went the other way. He was true to his physical and emotional feelings, excepting his desired to be gay. This in turn, also pushed him away from my parents and allowed him to find his own set of friends.  

These decisions, rightly or wrong, killed him from AIDS. We were very close.  We had a special bond. He was my best man. Had a very close relationship with my spouse. They understood each other. I fought what he was. However, now I trying to figure out what it means to me. Doesn't make sense when you look at my life. I have a family, responsibilities, even grandchildren.  How could these results be from wrong decisions? I feel out of balance. Losing control of my life with these choices.  A relationship of over 40 years. A relationship based on respect and care. I've said I love you many many times. But after everyone has grown, married and now having their own children. I find myself wanting to be with a man. Why is that? I get these emotional feelings that I don't understand. While with my spouse they aren't the same. I'm looking for something. Some stronger emotional bond. I've always been more physical than my spouse. I am the one that says good morning and goodnight. I'm the one that wants to hold a cuddle. Yet we sleep at opposite sides of the bed. My spouse has to initiate any sexual activity. Once climaxed, it's over. I don't believe I've been able to do the same for more than 1/2 a dozen times. I have to use Rx and other items to perform with my spouse. But when I'm able to be with someone else (Timmy's right its transactional or renting). It's not the same. I'm so messed up! You have helped me. Highlighting what I was afraid to recognize. I am wrong in doing what I feel I need. The right choice should be to stay in the place I've been these past years. 
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