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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > If a top likes a bottom to be tight....
If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76500] Sun, 26 January 2020 00:17 Go to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13458



If a top likes a bottom to be tight, what is the strange amateur porn habit of videos showing enormous plugs and dildos, and the strange concept of 'Having my arse wrecked' as if that is a desirable thing?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76502 is a reply to message #76500] Tue, 28 January 2020 03:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

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In my opinion, it's a matter of lust; the appeal to dominate or be dominated then move on to the next encounter and do it all over again with fresh meat. Not my scene! LOL



“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76503 is a reply to message #76502] Tue, 28 January 2020 08:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

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"Teddy wrote on Tue, 28 January 2020 03:03"
In my opinion, it's a matter of lust; the appeal to dominate or be dominated then move on to the next encounter and do it all over again with fresh meat. Not my scene! LOL

--
I quite like the concept of being dominated. After all, the one being dominated has all the real power in the relationship by allowing it. But I'm not at all keen on the concept of irreperably damaging faecal continence. There's not a lot wrong with a quick, hard fuck, but inserting things of substantially greater girth than a human penis seems bizarre.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76505 is a reply to message #76500] Tue, 28 January 2020 23:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
luvtwinks is currently offline  luvtwinks   United States

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I've never understood this as well. I'm 55 years old and my butthole is still as tight as it was when I was a teen. 
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76512 is a reply to message #76500] Wed, 29 January 2020 20:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bensiamin is currently offline  Bensiamin   United States

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I remember reading a medical piece on anal intercourse a few years ago, that framed it up with a memoralble visual image: nothing larger than the largest turd one's ever passed. The point really was that the anal sphincter has surprising ability to dilate and contract! I think I'll forgo the visual aids on this one!



Bensiamin
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76515 is a reply to message #76503] Thu, 30 January 2020 03:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

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"timmy wrote on Tue, 28 January 2020 00:00"
timmy wrote on Tue, 28 January 2020 00:00

I quite like the concept of being dominated. After all, the one being dominated has all the real power in the relationship by allowing it.

--
I guess there's domination then there's domination.

Bensaimin's desire for no visual aids aside, I've a friend who just loves to be fisted. Even asked me to do it to/for him. Another acquaintence who owns a dildo with about a 4.5 inch girth and 18 inches in length that he tries to find people to use on him. "Make it hurt!" he says...  

That's one form...

Then there's what you're talking about, Tim. Somehow I don't see them as being equal, nor, I suspect, do you. Like you, I don't get it but to each their own, I suppose.



“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76545 is a reply to message #76500] Sun, 16 February 2020 20:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
American_Alex   United States

Toe is in the water
Location: New York, upstate
Registered: October 2017
Messages: 98



I would welcome input from a professional psychologist, but from what I've learned from psychology and from life in general is this: Domination fantasies are often rooted in personal feelings of unwortiness. Whether as a reaction to internalized homophobia, or as a reaction to physical or sexual abuse, engaging in domination fulfills either a need to relive extreme feelings (which sometimes can include an element of pleasure within), or as a form of self-punishment for percieved lack of personal worth. Whether a person involves themselves in domination fantasies either for pleasure or for self-abuse, it is something rooted in the negative rather than the positive.



"Able was I ere I saw Elba"
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76546 is a reply to message #76545] Sun, 16 February 2020 22:47 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13458



"American_Alex wrote on Sun, 16 February 2020 20:22"
I would welcome input from a professional psychologist, but from what I've learned from psychology and from life in general is this: Domination fantasies are often rooted in personal feelings of unwortiness. Whether as a reaction to internalized homophobia, or as a reaction to physical or sexual abuse, engaging in domination fulfills either a need to relive extreme feelings (which sometimes can include an element of pleasure within), or as a form of self-punishment for percieved lack of personal worth. Whether a person involves themselves in domination fantasies either for pleasure or for self-abuse, it is something rooted in the negative rather than the positive.

--
I think I just rather like the idea of handing over control even though I know it to be role play. Different strokes, I guess



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76566 is a reply to message #76512] Wed, 26 February 2020 07:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
dgt224 is currently offline  dgt224   United States

Toe is in the water
Location: USA
Registered: May 2011
Messages: 81



"Bensiamin wrote on Wed, 29 January 2020 15:59"
I remember reading a medical piece on anal intercourse a few years ago, that framed it up with a memoralble visual image: nothing larger than the largest turd one's ever passed. The point really was that the anal sphincter has surprising ability to dilate and contract! I think I'll forgo the visual aids on this one!

--
It's worth remembering that the anal sphincter is a muscle. Like all muscles, it can be stretched. Just as the flexibility of a good gymnast doesn't come at the expense of normal use of the muscles, stretching of the anal sphincter needn't compromise its normal function. Having said that, I will have to admit that I find some of the extreme examples that I've seen online somewhat baffling. (I don't think the one I ran across who was showing off his ability to insert an eggplant was trying to attract possible tops. I got the distinct impression that it was more a matter of showing off an extreme ability.)

Of course, just as improperly performed stretching exercises can damage muscles elsewhere in the body, overly ambitious stretching of a sphincter can doubtless produce entirely undesirable results.
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76567 is a reply to message #76546] Wed, 26 February 2020 19:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

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"timmy wrote on Sun, 16 February 2020 14:47"
I think I just rather like the idea of handing over control even though I know it to be role play. Different strokes, I guess

--
For me, as far as bottoming goes, it's the incredibly and attractively erotic idea of giving myself totally and completely to another man to take his sexual pleasure in me. And yeah, I want him to be a skilled and consumate lover also. I don't want to just lay there getting fucked. I want him to not only take his pleasure in and from me but know how to return the pleasure while he's doing it.



“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76576 is a reply to message #76500] Thu, 05 March 2020 03:01 Go to previous message
Paul Schroder is currently offline  Paul Schroder   United States

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Location: Idaho, U.S.A.
Registered: April 2012
Messages: 17



For awhile there I was enamored by an adult cartoon called Southpark.  I'm sure everyone knows it. But this topic made me think of the number of scenes on the show that take place in Hell. It seems that Adolph Hitler is required to show up at the devil's domicile on a daily basis for a fitting.  He is allowed to choose a ripe pineapple to be inserted up his facist butthole. It seems like fitting punishment. I imagine the most discomfort would be upon removal.
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