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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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If it was hard to deal with the concept of the received guilt or the potential for received guil on a willing child in a nurturing relationship, is it harder or easier to deal with the guilt that the victim of abuse feels?
And is this guilt easier or harder if the abuser is prosecuted?
PLEASE, again let us not go over old ground. That is a matter of historical record on so many pages here. Instead let's look at the practoical things we may even be able to influence for the future.
I am definingabuse as "Any physical or emotional act that caused serious emtional or physical distress, not limited to matters of a sexual nature, and whose effect was long lasting to the victim, whether legal or illegal"
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I am going to try and be nice with this.
Guilt? That is one thing I dont think I ever consciously thought about outside the therapists office. I has been my experience that my guilt was the direct result of their need to make a mercedes payment. This assessment is based on personal experience.
When I was young there were a couple of, let us say, incidents that one might term as abusive. Without going into detail suffice it to say the experiences were at best unpleasantly painful. If you need more detail, ask Tim, he will direct you.
But guilt?
I am not so sure that guilt is the right term for the feelings I get from time to time. Memories though, are sometimes brought to the surface by different things. Sometimes it is a picture, or a scene from a movie. Sometimes it is from chatting with a friend. Yes, and sometimes they are triggered by things read on a message board.
I don't sit home and dwell on the events of the past. Far from it. I've been through school (alot) and am thinking about going again. For a goodly amount of time, I managed to find a nice safe job in a stimulating forthright atmosphere. I managed to fall in love, loose it, and in time, fall very much in love again. Mostly as part of an avocation, somewhat for the money, but mostly for the commraderie, I (now we) have built a small business.
But guilt? Being harder or easier to deal with? I think that is a question that is impossible to answer unless a person has been exposed to both situations.
At the time of my *experience* I felt alone. I felt fear. I felt pain. I felt dirty. I wondered why me. I thought about what would happen if I gave them what they wanted. I also thought about how I would feel about myself if I gave in to their demands. That notion caused me to feel guilt.
Q; Is it harder or easier to deal with the guilt that the victim of abuse feels?
A; No, not one way, nor the other. It depends on each persons circumstances and perspective.
Q; Is this guilt easier or harder if the abuser is prosecuted?
A; I'll never know.
I hope I was nice here. I really tried.
Saying this was not easy.......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Well said Marc. Victims of abuse feel a wide range of emotion, guilt being only one of them. Not every victim is going to feel the same, nor will the lasting effects be the same. Each needs to be treated as an individual and according to their individual needs.
Think good thoughts,
e
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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The "It must have been my fault" or "I must have led them on" or "I must have deserved to have ###### done to me" or similar things.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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That is very much on the way to what I meant, and I know whatit takes to open your heart that far. I don't mean this to sound patronising: that is the tone I have always known from you. I am SO happy to see it back, even if the message was tough to write. Thougthful, helpful, and humble.
I dont; expect other hurt people to come tumbling along to say "yup, me too", but I do expect them to see and think "Yes, there IS healing afterwards, when I am ready."
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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