A Place of Safety
I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love.
Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving!
We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register
















You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > If a top likes a bottom to be tight....
If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76500] Sun, 26 January 2020 00:17 Go to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



If a top likes a bottom to be tight, what is the strange amateur porn habit of videos showing enormous plugs and dildos, and the strange concept of 'Having my arse wrecked' as if that is a desirable thing?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76502 is a reply to message #76500] Tue, 28 January 2020 03:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: October 2006
Messages: 425



In my opinion, it's a matter of lust; the appeal to dominate or be dominated then move on to the next encounter and do it all over again with fresh meat. Not my scene! LOL



“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76503 is a reply to message #76502] Tue, 28 January 2020 08:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



"Teddy wrote on Tue, 28 January 2020 03:03"
In my opinion, it's a matter of lust; the appeal to dominate or be dominated then move on to the next encounter and do it all over again with fresh meat. Not my scene! LOL

--
I quite like the concept of being dominated. After all, the one being dominated has all the real power in the relationship by allowing it. But I'm not at all keen on the concept of irreperably damaging faecal continence. There's not a lot wrong with a quick, hard fuck, but inserting things of substantially greater girth than a human penis seems bizarre.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76505 is a reply to message #76500] Tue, 28 January 2020 23:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
luvtwinks is currently offline  luvtwinks   United States

Likes it here

Registered: August 2018
Messages: 141



I've never understood this as well. I'm 55 years old and my butthole is still as tight as it was when I was a teen. 
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76512 is a reply to message #76500] Wed, 29 January 2020 20:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bensiamin is currently offline  Bensiamin   United States

Likes it here
Location: USA
Registered: July 2019
Messages: 281



I remember reading a medical piece on anal intercourse a few years ago, that framed it up with a memoralble visual image: nothing larger than the largest turd one's ever passed. The point really was that the anal sphincter has surprising ability to dilate and contract! I think I'll forgo the visual aids on this one!



Bensiamin
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76515 is a reply to message #76503] Thu, 30 January 2020 03:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: October 2006
Messages: 425



"timmy wrote on Tue, 28 January 2020 00:00"
timmy wrote on Tue, 28 January 2020 00:00

I quite like the concept of being dominated. After all, the one being dominated has all the real power in the relationship by allowing it.

--
I guess there's domination then there's domination.

Bensaimin's desire for no visual aids aside, I've a friend who just loves to be fisted. Even asked me to do it to/for him. Another acquaintence who owns a dildo with about a 4.5 inch girth and 18 inches in length that he tries to find people to use on him. "Make it hurt!" he says...  

That's one form...

Then there's what you're talking about, Tim. Somehow I don't see them as being equal, nor, I suspect, do you. Like you, I don't get it but to each their own, I suppose.



“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76545 is a reply to message #76500] Sun, 16 February 2020 20:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
American_Alex   United States

Toe is in the water
Location: New York, upstate
Registered: October 2017
Messages: 98



I would welcome input from a professional psychologist, but from what I've learned from psychology and from life in general is this: Domination fantasies are often rooted in personal feelings of unwortiness. Whether as a reaction to internalized homophobia, or as a reaction to physical or sexual abuse, engaging in domination fulfills either a need to relive extreme feelings (which sometimes can include an element of pleasure within), or as a form of self-punishment for percieved lack of personal worth. Whether a person involves themselves in domination fantasies either for pleasure or for self-abuse, it is something rooted in the negative rather than the positive.



"Able was I ere I saw Elba"
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76546 is a reply to message #76545] Sun, 16 February 2020 22:47 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



"American_Alex wrote on Sun, 16 February 2020 20:22"
I would welcome input from a professional psychologist, but from what I've learned from psychology and from life in general is this: Domination fantasies are often rooted in personal feelings of unwortiness. Whether as a reaction to internalized homophobia, or as a reaction to physical or sexual abuse, engaging in domination fulfills either a need to relive extreme feelings (which sometimes can include an element of pleasure within), or as a form of self-punishment for percieved lack of personal worth. Whether a person involves themselves in domination fantasies either for pleasure or for self-abuse, it is something rooted in the negative rather than the positive.

--
I think I just rather like the idea of handing over control even though I know it to be role play. Different strokes, I guess



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76566 is a reply to message #76512] Wed, 26 February 2020 07:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
dgt224 is currently offline  dgt224   United States

Toe is in the water
Location: USA
Registered: May 2011
Messages: 81



"Bensiamin wrote on Wed, 29 January 2020 15:59"
I remember reading a medical piece on anal intercourse a few years ago, that framed it up with a memoralble visual image: nothing larger than the largest turd one's ever passed. The point really was that the anal sphincter has surprising ability to dilate and contract! I think I'll forgo the visual aids on this one!

--
It's worth remembering that the anal sphincter is a muscle. Like all muscles, it can be stretched. Just as the flexibility of a good gymnast doesn't come at the expense of normal use of the muscles, stretching of the anal sphincter needn't compromise its normal function. Having said that, I will have to admit that I find some of the extreme examples that I've seen online somewhat baffling. (I don't think the one I ran across who was showing off his ability to insert an eggplant was trying to attract possible tops. I got the distinct impression that it was more a matter of showing off an extreme ability.)

Of course, just as improperly performed stretching exercises can damage muscles elsewhere in the body, overly ambitious stretching of a sphincter can doubtless produce entirely undesirable results.
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76567 is a reply to message #76546] Wed, 26 February 2020 19:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: October 2006
Messages: 425



"timmy wrote on Sun, 16 February 2020 14:47"
I think I just rather like the idea of handing over control even though I know it to be role play. Different strokes, I guess

--
For me, as far as bottoming goes, it's the incredibly and attractively erotic idea of giving myself totally and completely to another man to take his sexual pleasure in me. And yeah, I want him to be a skilled and consumate lover also. I don't want to just lay there getting fucked. I want him to not only take his pleasure in and from me but know how to return the pleasure while he's doing it.



“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #76576 is a reply to message #76500] Thu, 05 March 2020 03:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Paul Schroder is currently offline  Paul Schroder   United States

Getting started
Location: Idaho, U.S.A.
Registered: April 2012
Messages: 17



For awhile there I was enamored by an adult cartoon called Southpark.  I'm sure everyone knows it. But this topic made me think of the number of scenes on the show that take place in Hell. It seems that Adolph Hitler is required to show up at the devil's domicile on a daily basis for a fitting.  He is allowed to choose a ripe pineapple to be inserted up his facist butthole. It seems like fitting punishment. I imagine the most discomfort would be upon removal.
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #77630 is a reply to message #76500] Sat, 27 February 2021 17:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bensiamin is currently offline  Bensiamin   United States

Likes it here
Location: USA
Registered: July 2019
Messages: 281



This forum string about tight bottoms, and being a bottom in general, hasn't seen a post in almost a year!

I won't inquire as to the lapse in interest, but will point to a very insightful article by Thomas West on the psychology of being a bottom and the implicit assumptions about tops and bottoms that he contends we all bring to male-on-male sexual relations.

I'm betting this will revitalize the comments!

It's titled What I Learned From Teaching My Straight Friends About Gay Sex, and you can link to the Medium article here.



Bensiamin
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #77631 is a reply to message #77630] Sat, 27 February 2021 21:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



"Bensiamin wrote on Sat, 27 February 2021 17:19"
This forum string about tight bottoms, and being a bottom in general, hasn't seen a post in almost a year!

I won't inquire as to the lapse in interest, but will point to a very insightful article by Thomas West on the psychology of being a bottom and the implicit assumptions about tops and bottoms that he contends we all bring to male-on-male sexual relations.

I'm betting this will revitalize the comments!

It's titled What I Learned From Teaching My Straight Friends About Gay Sex, and you can link to the Medium article here.

--

As I read the article I wondered about the self image of the author. I also wondered if he is typical of what a bottom might be. I am pretty sure he is not, because tops and bottoms must, surely, have the same spread of masculinity and other attributes that all men do.

Receiving another man's penis into a body orifice is, to me, nothing whatsoever to do with masculinity. It's to do with taking pleasure with (not from, with) another man and knowing with clarity who will do what and with which and to whom. And it's also understanding how much power is shared by each participant.

I postulate that the bottom has 90% of the power. He permits the top to enter him and permits the continuation of the coupling. That is neither submissive nor dominant. It just 'is'.

I'm a natural bottom. I have alwasy known this even with no experience. I'm not feminine. I'm all boy.

Being penetrated is nothing to do with accepting a feminine role. I thought, once, that it did. "I'll be a girl for hm..."

But, going back to my opening post, I sure do not want my arse "wrecked" by a careless penetration!

[Updated on: Wed, 03 March 2021 07:34]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
icon13.gif Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #77633 is a reply to message #76500] Wed, 03 March 2021 05:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ray2x is currently offline  ray2x   United States

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 419



My experience with anal was quite unpleasant...although that my found boyfriend was totally in love with me still couldn't make it any better...I wasn't quite the bottom he'd hoped for but I guess that's life...
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #77635 is a reply to message #77633] Wed, 03 March 2021 07:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



"ray2x wrote on Wed, 03 March 2021 05:44"
My experience with anal was quite unpleasant...although that my found boyfriend was totally in love with me still couldn't make it any better...I wasn't quite the bottom he'd hoped for but I guess that's life...

--
Not everything works for everyone. Would you care to share what difficulties you had? It will help someone else either say 'no thanks, not for me', or work out how it might be different for them?

[Updated on: Wed, 03 March 2021 08:41]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #77638 is a reply to message #77635] Wed, 03 March 2021 23:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ray2x is currently offline  ray2x   United States

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 419



"timmy wrote on Tue, 02 March 2021 23:36"

"ray2x wrote on Wed, 03 March 2021 05:44"
My experience with anal was quite unpleasant...although that my found boyfriend was totally in love with me still couldn't make it any better...I wasn't quite the bottom he'd hoped for but I guess that's life...

--
Not everything works for everyone. Would you care to share what difficulties you had? It will help someone else either say 'no thanks, not for me', or work out how it might be different for them?

--I was totally inexperienced with gay sex, or sex in general. There was no gay pride, liberation, blogs, story sites, chats, and so on. I didn't quite understand that I had gay feelings. So come the moment I was at when my boyfriend suddenly began to insert his penis, I was totally unprepared for what was about to occur. Naturally the pain was intense and I was not expecting pain. I would have help if he asked me first and sort of prepared me. And even with the myriad gay themed media about, there could still be a "me" out there sort of clueless about things gay and especially gay sex. I was not putting the pieces of what was occuring in my life that could have alerted me to my feelings, like always wanting to be with my friend, attached at the hip, looking at boys more than girls et cetera. Almost like the stories we've read. I just felt it was a normal way a boy would feel for another boy, and not in a gay or sexual way. But again, that was me at that time.
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #77640 is a reply to message #77638] Wed, 03 March 2021 23:56 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13516



Thank you, Ray. For you and folk like you I created the Sex/Health Info segment of the site. The inspiration for it came many years ago with a couple who wanted to achieve anal penetration, either to the other, but found immense barriers to entry, literally. I have not spoken to them for a long while, but I believe they are still together and happy with their love lives. They took the patient approach and gained entry.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: If a top likes a bottom to be tight....  [message #77641 is a reply to message #77640] Thu, 04 March 2021 00:23 Go to previous message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: October 2006
Messages: 425



For many years I never entertained the idea that I would bottom for anyone. I always saw myself as a top even though or maybe because my early experiences were either those of being sexually abused, or playing the part of a sub bottom for a "daddy". Hence it was rather shockingly revealing to me about myself some years back when I encountered a 20 something guy with whom I never questioned the idea that he would be the top. It seemed as natural as eating breakfast. The idea of being dominated never entered into it for me, at least in the moment. It was only aftewards that I pondered it and realized that in a benign sort of way being dominated was much of the appeal, which made subsequent encounters with him even more enjoyable. Thankfully I was aware enough, due my experiences as a teen, that there were certain physical considerations necessary to mitigate the pain, because I'm definitely not into being "wrecked"

[Updated on: Thu, 04 March 2021 00:23]




“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
Previous Topic: Looking for Jack Schaeffer
Next Topic: Literature's Most Powerful Inventions
Goto Forum: