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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Back in the early 1970s I was, by pure coincidence because I pretty much lived in the students' union building, present at a Gay Liberation Front annual conference. It was held at Birmingham University in 1972 where I was struggling with my sexuality and in denial. There were lapel buttons "Glad to be Gay!" These were before the Tom Robinson Band's song. The badges made me cringe. The song was so much later, but was frightening.
I was not glad to be gay.
A fellow student produced "Happy to be Hetero" and "Wonderful to be a Wanker" badges. I recall the conference attendees buying them, too, both of them.
I was horrified by the homosexual scene. I did not, do not, want to be associated with these prancing, effete queens with their bizarre fashion sense and campness. Nor did the lesbian ladies impress me much.
I wanted to be like almost everyone else, to find girls attractive rather than of academic interest. Beauty, that I could spot. I associated beauty with sexual attraction, and did my best. It was a poor best. I still want to find them attractive today, especially in summer when a huge acreage of leg is on display.
I don't find them attractive at all. Just sometimes aesthetically pleasing
Even today, 42 years after that event I was present at without attending, I find many homosexual things repellent. I cope better with campness, now. I have gaydar, not that it does me any good. But I do not enjpy being gay, do not find it wonderful. I am not glad to be gay. I would be happy to be hetero.
As a homosexual man, I missed coming out when I was a late teenager, and missed actually being a homosexual man. But the homosexual man of the day was reviled. I would have been fired from all my jobs for being homosexual, especially the first one, as a government employee. And, later, computer salesmen are not homosexual. They are the jocks of the employment world.
So I was afraid to be homosexual, and I am, in a large way, afraid to be today. It is, at home woth my wife, an unmentioned fault. I am faulty. Don't waste any time telling me that I am one of the many facets of normality. You may be. I am not.
Living a fake heterosexual life I have a son and a granddaughter. No homosexual life would have given me that. I love them. I love my wife. I love all aspects of my life except my minority sexuality.
Being homosexual is a major stress factor, makes me snappy, irritable, short tempered, and is plain horrible.
"But it's part of who you are!"
So?
[Updated on: Fri, 12 September 2014 14:34]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Fri, 12 September 2014 14:23
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Smokr on Sat, 13 September 2014 05:24
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Sat, 13 September 2014 15:02
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Pedro on Sat, 13 September 2014 16:26
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Sat, 13 September 2014 16:58
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What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Pedro on Sat, 13 September 2014 15:59
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Smokr on Mon, 15 September 2014 04:14
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Mon, 15 September 2014 06:59
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Smokr on Tue, 16 September 2014 03:15
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Tue, 16 September 2014 06:57
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Smokr on Fri, 19 September 2014 03:46
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Ray on Fri, 19 September 2014 08:02
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Fri, 19 September 2014 15:11
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Ray on Sat, 20 September 2014 09:47
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Smokr on Sat, 20 September 2014 22:14
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Sat, 20 September 2014 22:54
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Ray on Sun, 21 September 2014 12:40
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: timmy on Sun, 21 September 2014 14:16
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Smokr on Sun, 21 September 2014 18:37
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: NW on Mon, 13 October 2014 09:32
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: ChrisR on Fri, 31 October 2014 01:21
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Ray on Sun, 16 November 2014 11:30
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Re: What is so wonderful about being homosexual?
By: Smokr on Mon, 08 December 2014 07:28
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