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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > One of our friends is in hospital
One of our friends is in hospital  [message #22999] Fri, 26 November 2004 13:20 Go to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



I have this news today from another friend:

"I don't know if you have heard, but Steve's wife phoned me up earlier to say that Steve has suffered a heart attack. He was rushed to a very good hospital within minutes and is now in intensive care. She told me that he is as well as can be expected, fully conscious, and of course worrying about his friends worldwide. (!) Nothing will be done until Sunday, which indicates good news, I hope. Meanwhile, it couldn't hurt to have Steve in your prayers and thoughts."

Steve does not have a good heart. He and I met in London almost 2 years ago, and he is not a fit man, though makes light of it. He thinks he is immortal. He may be tough, but he is not immortal.

[Updated on: Fri, 26 November 2004 15:52]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
icon9.gif Re: One of our friends is in hospital  [message #23001 is a reply to message #22999] Fri, 26 November 2004 18:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MissKona is currently offline  MissKona   United States

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Messages: 7




My family & I hope that Steve gets well soon.
He will be in our hearts, thoughts & prayers.

Hugs & Get Well,
Donna & Family: Very Happy
A nice soft gentle hug for Steve.....  [message #23002 is a reply to message #22999] Fri, 26 November 2004 19:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
marc is currently offline  marc   United States

Needs to get a life!

Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729



No Message Body



Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
Re: One of our friends is in hospital  [message #23003 is a reply to message #22999] Fri, 26 November 2004 19:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



Very few of us know exactly how important our friend is to gay men and women. I very much doubt his reach will ever be made public. I will not do so here. He is an anonymous man doing sterling work for gay humankind and our heterosexual brothers and sisters too.

I have some very simple words

"He is my friend"

I pray for the right resolution to his health. For contentement and for peace of mind for those whom he loves and those who love him. What he does for us is unlikely ever to be public. Long may his work continue.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
My thoughts and prayers are aimed in his direction  [message #23004 is a reply to message #22999] Fri, 26 November 2004 20:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
smith is currently offline  smith   United States

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Registered: January 1970
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I hope everyone takes time to send a sweet thought or a soft prayer out for our good friend, Steve. I know that one of his favorite all time things is a BIG HUG, so I found one for him from me.

You're in my thoughts and prayers
Love and Hugs
smith
Re: One of our friends is in hospital  [message #23005 is a reply to message #22999] Fri, 26 November 2004 22:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
nick is currently offline  nick   United Kingdom

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Messages: 351



Steve is in my thoughts tonight. I hope he makes a full and swift recovery.
Re: One of our friends is in hospital  [message #23007 is a reply to message #22999] Fri, 26 November 2004 22:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Freedom is currently offline  Freedom   Canada

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I don't know Steve, but I pray he will recover. Heart attacks are no fun.
Re: One of our friends is in hospital  [message #23013 is a reply to message #22999] Sat, 27 November 2004 02:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
joesdog is currently offline  joesdog   United States

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"Memento Mori" is not a comfortable thing, so i can understand why he carries on with the belief to his immortality.

Here's hoping for a swift recovery for Steve, and strength and resolve for his family.


cheers.

aj



"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
Re: One of our friends is in hospital  [message #23014 is a reply to message #22999] Sat, 27 November 2004 04:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ron is currently offline  ron   United States

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Messages: 478




Steve and I just had an exchange of e-mails on Thursday after a rather extended period of being out of "Yahoo Messenger" touch. That's my fault, really (and it was certainly not due to any "falling out"): there's this rather unsavory character who also uses Yahoo Messenger that I've been avoiding by simply keeping Yahoo Messenger off turned off (not knowing, until Steve explained the procedure to me, how to set things up to block me from his contact list).

Needless to say, this bews came as quite an unexpected shock when smith told me about it just now (thanks, smith!).

Steve, I do hope you have Internet access in your room (I wish I had when I was in the hospital!) and are therefore able to see this. I took your advice, and I have yet to hear from that "unsavory one"; so that means you better hurry up and get well so that we can hook up again quite soon. Believe it or not, Steve, you're the only person on any of my chat lists with whom I can talk about opera!

Take care, Steve! Get well soon, and hurry back!



We do not remember days...we remember moments.

Cesare Pavese
Update from another of Steve's friends  [message #23034 is a reply to message #22999] Mon, 29 November 2004 00:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



He emailed me and said:

Steve phoned me from his bed in intensive care at the cardiac unit. He sounded tired, but like himself. Because of all his medications, he has very thin blood, which dosen't coagulate easily, which makes his present situation all the more difficult, but he is still with us! He will be fitted with a fibrulator, which, in the event of another crisis like this, will give his heart an electric shock, to get it going again. Apparently, his wife thought that he had left us, and had a terrible shock. Steve was mercifully unconscious and very grateful for the fact that the ambulance station was just over the road...in his words, he won't curse those blasted sirens again in a hurry! Steve send his love to you all and will give me a call sometime this this week...he now has his mobile phone and of course, I will let you know of his progress as and when I hear. He'a a long way from being out of the woods...after all, his heart was only operating at about 30% of a healthy organ before this event, so he is not out of danger, but he is still fighting. I found a couple of Jewish "prayer circles" on the net, and added his name , but of course, it's our thoughts combined which will help him. I let him know that I let you know about his situation and he was grateful, so let's keep rooting for him!



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Update  [message #23057 is a reply to message #22999] Thu, 02 December 2004 10:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



He has just called me from hospital to say there is good news and a good prognosis.

They are scheduling urgent (but not emergency) surgery. A heart bypass operation will be performed soon. Pretty obviously this is going to hurt. And there is a good survival rate of 95%. This is fare better than the survival rate of "no surgery", wihcih is substantially lower. Like minimal.

He is cheerful and also as scared as anyone is who faces surgery. A prayer or two would not go amiss Smile Please.

He will be unable to check any email for quite a time, but is both surprised and happy that people are thinking of him.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Surgery is set for 6 December  [message #23068 is a reply to message #22999] Sun, 05 December 2004 09:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



Steve just called me from hospital. Surgery is set for 6 December. Itwas decided upon his wife told me by a conference of 20 doctors as the best option, so he is content, if a little apprehensive.

As usual he is thinking of others, too.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
icon12.gif Re: Surgery is set for 6 December  [message #23070 is a reply to message #23068] Sun, 05 December 2004 14:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MissKona is currently offline  MissKona   United States

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As always Steve is in my heart, thoughts & prayers.
I hope the surgery goes well.
Get well Steve. Smile
Scheduled Surgery Time  [message #23071 is a reply to message #22999] Sun, 05 December 2004 19:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



This will be at 0645hrs local time on Monday. For UK frineds that is 0445hrs. For Eastern US friends that is 11:45 pm tonight, Sunday.

I do not anticipate being in any position to give you any news until at least 12 hours later, partly because it is a long operation and partlyu because I do not expect to be able to check that email account until I return from work.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Scheduled Surgery Time  [message #23076 is a reply to message #23071] Mon, 06 December 2004 20:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



I have no news. Nor did I expect any today. Whatever the outcome this is a time for his family not for us. And so we will wait, and offer a warm thought or a prayer in the direction of him and those who love him and those whom he loves.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Scheduled Surgery Time  [message #23077 is a reply to message #23076] Mon, 06 December 2004 20:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MissKona is currently offline  MissKona   United States

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Waiting patiently for news.

Donna
Awake and taking notice  [message #23078 is a reply to message #23076] Mon, 06 December 2004 21:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



News of Steve:

BEGINS
Strangely enough, I was very calm seeing Steve taken into the operating theatre this morning and waiting for news that the op was over. I just felt so sure that everything would go OK. With all those good people praying for him, how could it not go well.

It was a long op - 5 1/2 hours. The surgeon had told us it could be anything from 2 to 6 hours. We were allowed to see him after they brought him to the intensive care, but he had still not come out of the anaesthetic and we were not allowed to touch or speak to him. Of course, he was attached to lots of tubes and machines, but he looked peaceful. The surgeon said that it had been a difficult op (double by-pass) but that it went well and he thinks there is a small improvement in the heart. We will only know how much improvement in a few weeks time.
ENDS



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
icon14.gif Now in the convalescent home  [message #23212 is a reply to message #22999] Sun, 26 December 2004 21:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



No computer access until at least Thursday, but excellent progress. he can alereasy climb a single flight of stairs, with more anticipated by Thursday.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
icon14.gif A message I have been asked to post:  [message #23244 is a reply to message #22999] Thu, 30 December 2004 14:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



Dear Timmy,

I would be very grateful if you could post the following on my behalf, both on the MB and in your circular.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Friends (and I didn't know I had so many!)

I have just arrived home after several weeks in hospital and then convalescence. Only now have I seen the hundreds of messages that were sent to me by e-mail or posted in the IOMFATS Message forum. I am truly overwhelmed. The number of well-wishers is so great that I could not possible answer them all personally - even if it were not difficult for me to sit at the computer for more than a few minutes at a time.

Ventricular Tachycardia is a very frightening malfunction of the heart, and I am grateful that we live near enough to an ambulance station for the paramedics quite literally to save my life. Now, I return home after open heart surgery and after having a defibrillator (ICD) implanted. I am absolutely certain that it was the generous thoughts and prayers of so many people, known to me and unknown, that sustained me through the darkest hours and restored me to the sunlight.

It will still take several weeks before I am sufficiently recovered to resume a 'normal' life, but the knowledge that that are hundreds of people "out there" thinking of me, willing me better with their positive thoughts, will give me a will to recovery that would surely have been less without your thoughts.

God bless you all, from the bottom of my (rather fragile) heart!

I love you all.

Steve aka Neph
_________________________________________________________________________________



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Steve died this morning  [message #66851 is a reply to message #22999] Wed, 23 May 2012 21:56 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



Please read the entire thread. I feel I have known him all my life, but it is, in reality, a dozen years or so.

Steve has not been a fit man, but today he succumbed to a kidney infection in hospital. His wife has suggested charitable donations to http://www.birthday-angels.org/site/index.asp?depart_id= 70698&lat=en

He was a great man and an unsung hero. He was substantially responsible for http://keshetrabbis.org/ and for the ordination of openly LGBT rabbis in Conservative Judaism. He was also an author here: http://iomfats.org/storyshelf/hosted/neph/ And he was, most important, a friend.

He will always be my friend.

[Updated on: Wed, 23 May 2012 21:59]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Steve died this morning  [message #66856 is a reply to message #66851] Thu, 24 May 2012 10:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW   United Kingdom

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1531



I was deeply saddened to hear of Steve's death.

He was a wise and deeply compassionate man, and I will always be grateful for the support he gave me at a very difficult time in my life. He bore considerable pain and difficulty stoically, and it's a shame that he didn't have longer to enjoy the more accessible home to which he moved late last year.

NW



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: Steve died this morning  [message #66862 is a reply to message #66856] Sun, 27 May 2012 03:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr   United States

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I'm saddened by this news. I liked the Lotan tale. It was written in a style that was fresh and easy, but gave an impression of ancient words translated from a dead language. It might have been fiction, but it was easy to forget that. I should have written to thank him for his stories, but alas, we often put off what we should do at the moment.
All my best to his family and the ones he left behind when he took his final journey.
Re: Steve died this morning  [message #66865 is a reply to message #66862] Sun, 27 May 2012 07:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



Sometimes we wish we were immortal. Sometimes we wish others were immortal. There is much to remember him for that makes him immortal. The world will not know that the man they knew was gay, but the LGBT world is already benefiting in huge measure from the quiet and determined work he did. He was bossy and saw issues in black and white. These two characteristics he turned to the advantage of those he helped. And he helped individually and en masse.

We should also remember that, when you go into hospital, you need people to fight for you because hospitals fail in their duty of care. He was a stout gentleman, and they never watched for bed sores, so he suffered from them at the end as well as the ailment that he succumbed to. Hospitals are truly dangerous places, not because people die there, but because many of the staff are paid too little or are hired in such low numbers, that care is often absent.

[Updated on: Sun, 27 May 2012 08:22]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
I, too, am saddened bySteve's passing ...  [message #66866 is a reply to message #22999] Mon, 28 May 2012 15:23 Go to previous message
The Gay Deceiver is currently offline  The Gay Deceiver   Canada

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... a kinder, gentler, soul I don't believe I had encountered at any time throughout my wanderings across the internet.  My only regret is not having known him in the real World as well.

My best wishes to his wife and family during their time of sorrow.

Warren C. E. Austin
The Gay Deceiver
Toronto, Canada
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