A Place of Safety
I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love.
Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving!
We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register
















You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Bisexuality - Is it Real?
Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66807] Sun, 29 April 2012 06:00 Go to next message
kiwi is currently offline  kiwi   New Zealand

Likes it here
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317



Serious question. Do you Gentlefolk here believe that bisexuality is a genuine sexual orientation? Or, is it a stay in that Great River of Egypt - Denial?

I've got good reason for wanting to know, but the more i read, the more confused i get. My no.1 reference book, the Oxford Universal Dictionary doesn't even mention bisexual, except in the physical sense of 'having both sexes in one body'. Yes, i know from experience that it is possible for a gay man to have a loving relationship with a woman, but that doesn't change the fact that i am gay.

So, is it real, or is it a phase? 'Bi now, Gay later', as the saying goes.

cheers
Re: Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66808 is a reply to message #66807] Sun, 29 April 2012 08:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



I think the answer can only be given to you by one who is bisexual. I don't think it can be defined by someone like me, gay and married to a woman because I loved her then and love her now. I'm not sure it can be defined by a teenage lad who can get excited at the drop of a towel and be aroused by a sofa, a lamp post or a naked boy or girl. A homosexual man can function sexually with a woman, and a heterosexual man can function sexually with a man, so it isn't a great deal to do with how the plumbing reacts

I think it has something to do with initial attraction, perhaps to faces, and the continuing attraction on determining the sex of the person attracted to, but what do I know?

[Updated on: Sun, 29 April 2012 15:08]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66809 is a reply to message #66808] Sun, 29 April 2012 10:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Camy is currently offline  Camy   United Kingdom

Likes it here
Location: UK
Registered: February 2008
Messages: 114



Personally, I think bisexuality is as real as any other label we care to give ourselves. There are two elements to true love: friendship, and sexual attraction/compatability. Match them both and you have heaven. If one is missing, no matter how hard you try, you are doomed to failure.

Honestly, you won't get an answer from a book. Follow your heart.



"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: Music and Cats." - Albert Schweitzer

It's like Mad Max out here: guys doing guys, girls doing girls, girls turning into guys and doing girls that used to do girls and guys!
- from Alex Truelove
Re: Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66810 is a reply to message #66807] Sun, 29 April 2012 14:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW   United Kingdom

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1531



Yes, bisexuality is real.

I've had long-term relationships with two self-identified bisexuals, and with one guy who I'm fairly sure was bi (that's three out of the five major relationships of my life).

Certainly, my young companion is happily bisexual. We've just watched "Power Rangers Wild Force", and he was commenting on the physical attractiveness of both male and female cartoon characters! But I have no doubt that he is seriously attracted to women, as well as being in love with me as deeply as his nature and problems allow.



"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66811 is a reply to message #66810] Sun, 29 April 2012 15:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13515



"NW wrote on Sun, 29 April 2012 15:58"
Certainly, my young companion is happily bisexual. We've just watched "Power Rangers Wild Force", and he was commenting on the physical attractiveness of both male and female cartoon characters! But I have no doubt that he is seriously attracted to women, as well as being in love with me as deeply as his nature and problems allow.

--
I can tell when a woman is attractive, but I am not attracted to her. I am attracted to males, though. Some of them are by no means beautiful!

Do you mean he was in "Phwoahhhh! I would!" mode, or that he was commenting on aesthetics?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66812 is a reply to message #66811] Sun, 29 April 2012 15:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW   United Kingdom

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1531



Quote:
Do you mean he was in "Phwoahhhh! I would!" mode, or that he was commenting on aesthetics?


Definitely the former!

I think he's probably about 80% attracted to women physically, and about 80% attracted to guys emotionally - it's obviously difficult when the two don't run in parallel, though at least he has some overlap.




"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66813 is a reply to message #66812] Sun, 29 April 2012 16:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
JoeWriterMan is currently offline  JoeWriterMan   United States

Getting started
Location: United States
Registered: September 2010
Messages: 20



During the earlier years of my marriage to my wife, selfishly, I was all about 'getting' normal.  There were many times, during our times of heightened 'awareness' where I thought "This is the way it is supposed to be!"  Yet, I was almost disjointed during our most intimate moment, the arrival point.

Twenty one years of our 27 year marriage, that was the way I was thinking. For 24 years or our marriage, I chased the bottle, trying to find the 'answer' even though I knew the truth, but couldn't admit it.

Six years before her death, in 2000, I confided in her the fact that I thought, no, I was sure, that I was gay.

She smiled warmly, knowingly, and made a statement that changed our lives forever, "Duh, it's about time you figured that out.  I love you.  I want to stay married, but if you need to leave and find yourself, then go, we'll be okay."

We had many discussions about The Revelation and her Acceptance, so that I would accept myself, and not be guilty for being who I was, and am.

Over the course of several years, I've figured out that gay, bi, straight, are labels we put on ourselves, and labels that others put on us.  The truth of the matter is that "I am a sexual being."

As soon as I stopped trying to fit myself, and you, into a box, then I began feeling a tremendous sense of freedom.

JWM
Re: Bisexuality - Is it Real?  [message #66814 is a reply to message #66813] Sun, 29 April 2012 18:41 Go to previous message
kiwi is currently offline  kiwi   New Zealand

Likes it here
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317



Thanks Guys - food for thought & much appreciated. I have a young friend who i've been mentoring, loving and hating since he was 13. He is now 15 ("and a half!") and he recently announced on Facebook that he is bi -  which started all sorts of flames. I'm not sure if he's very brave, very foolish or just desperate for attention.

I've always thought that he is gay, and his mother agrees. 

This is what my no.1 Grandson posted on his FB - 

"I am making this status for all those people who are judged or hurt everyday, in hope that others can see their pain.

I believe that a person is formed from clay. Every choice, action or thought has an effect on us, like the sculpter making a change. I know that I havent made the best decisions in the world, but what i have done, and what i have failed to do is who i am today, and what i will do, or what i will not do, is who i will become. Get the picture?

Take this for example: My parents are split, and have been since i was about two, but they still get along fine. If my mum ever needs something, my dad has always been there to back her up, even if they dont love one another like they once did. I didnt have the easiest of up-bringings, but i had it better than some. Some people i know, who grew up never knowing their mother, or father, or in some cases both, they believe that no one cared for them. But they are only just seeing the light now, having a taste of what the world has to offer.

I have a friend whos dad died from cancer many years ago, he didnt have the best childhood, having an older sister whom he hardly saw, and having a baby brother to look after, and now 15 almost 16 he admits that he is Bi-sexual. He is being bullied even more than ever before, and finds it hard to face his friends. That is the kind of person who look up to. Not someone who thinks he can get away with everything he does because he is bigger and stronger than everyone else.

So, you might not think it, but by bullying someone who is gay, bi, smart, fat, ugly, un-popular or just what most people would classifly as 'weird', you think you are in control of their life, and moulding their clay, you are only moulding your own. Making you a even worse person than before.

I dont expect many people to read this, or even acknowledge its existence, but know that there are people out there who care. Someone will always care. And if you did read all of this, thank you, i hope you will pass the message on."

Do I need to say that i am VERY proud of him?

cheers
Previous Topic: Definite cult material here
Next Topic: Any news about Jamie aka Grasshopper???
Goto Forum: