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Fear  [message #70978] Wed, 03 February 2016 02:49 Go to next message
WestcliffWriter is currently offline  WestcliffWriter   United Kingdom

Toe is in the water
Location: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2015
Messages: 75





Fear - Your biggest![ 7 votes ]
1. Losing your Job 0 / 0%
2. Losing a loved one before you die. 1 / 14%
3. Breaking up with your partner 0 / 0%
4. Find out your significant other will cheat on you. 0 / 0%
5. Getting ready to walk into work. 0 / 0%
6. Being Poor. 0 / 0%
7. Not being able to maintain an erection. 0 / 0%
8. Never being debt free. 0 / 0%
9. A nuclear war. 0 / 0%
10. being trapped in a job or relationship you can't get out of. 0 / 0%
11. Someone finds out you are Gay! 1 / 14%
12. Getting Cancer. 1 / 14%
13. Losing your mind. (dementia) 1 / 14%
14. Knowing you will die one day. 1 / 14%
15. Fearing you may have already had the best day of your life and will never have it again. 2 / 29%

So recently I have been going through a hard time at my work. I have just gone in for what we call an "end of year appraisal." It is designed so that your manager can give you feedback on how the year has gone and what you did well in and where improvements need to be made. Regardless of what the positives and the negatives balance out as at your manager is still supposed to let you leave that room feeling positive and motivated for the coming year!

This however has not been the case with me and I have never felt so deflated in all my time at the Company. The thing thats has troubled me is, having worked for the same company for many years I have always had an idea of my own performance for the year and a decent manager should be telling you if your expectations are pretty much in line with the company. Well Lets just say that I walked in positive thinking yep, I have done really well for the year and done things that are even outside my job role so I cant lose. I've been polite, a team player, done stuff in my own time at home and I'm approachable. What more could I have done. Well, apparently I have failed big time because as a junior manager I have not been apparently authority driven enough and there have been a few complaints about me... maybe 3. So these two things have dragged me down and I walked out of there stunned. Never had I had just two stupid things bring down my whole rating before.

My point to all this is a fear I have now. Since having this end of year review and hating it for being unjust and unfair I have just been going through the motions. My moods have been stark and I don't feel I can put my best into a company that clearly doesn't give two hoots about what this has done to me. I am seriously looking to leave now after hearing that debacle. My fear also is that I will grow to detest the building I work in and all those around me. This is not and has not been something I can shake myself out of because I feel so aggrieved. I will either be fired for my attitude soon, Need to look for another job or just have eat some humble pie. All three of these options scare me and I thought I would see what other thought about their fears. As people go through life one fear may over take another but right now if you look at my poll, what is your main fear?

 

[Updated on: Thu, 04 February 2016 20:02]

Re: Fear  [message #70979 is a reply to message #70978] Wed, 03 February 2016 12:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 12894



I have had a similar experience. I gained a new manager, and she gave me an 'out of the blue' surprise review that was so poor I wondered if we worked in the same building. She then found all manner of ways to trip me up, resulting in a full disciplinary hearing that gave me a final written warning for a trumped up offence.

I was to be dismissed, but I used the "Depression Defence". The moment that she started on me, and she was a bully, I went to my GP and registered that I was depressed. I was not, but it was important. I explained that I cold not take anti-depressants because I was under attack at work and had to have a clear head at all times. I kept the defence until the disciplinary hearing and stated, simply, to HR "I am under treatment for clinical depression." I also played the "I am gay" card.

While this is not a get out of jail free card, it makes it VERY hard to fire you, which is how i changed the outcome to a final written warning. Then I made my exit plans, and worked it to coincide with a formal redundancy three months later, when I walked out with a significant payoff of five months' salary plus one month's notice, plus holiday pay.

We had one of those "Please come to a project meeting at 4 in my office" meetings. I walked in, saw HR, and said "How much is the settlement" and left with it.

Treat this as a good thing. You must be good at what you do, so you will get a new job relatively easily. The new job will be wonderful. And you can poach any of the old folk you want when you have the new role.

Right now it sucks, and is making you unwell. Your job, now, is to do well enough at work to survive and to plan your exit route.



Inconsistent use of capital letters is the difference between Bobby helping Uncle Jack off a horse, AND Bobby helping uncle jack off a horse!
Re: Fear  [message #70991 is a reply to message #70979] Thu, 04 February 2016 20:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
WestcliffWriter is currently offline  WestcliffWriter   United Kingdom

Toe is in the water
Location: United Kingdom
Registered: May 2015
Messages: 75




Quote:
timmy wrote on Wed, 03 February 2016 12:55I have had a similar experience. I gained a new manager, and she gave me an 'out of the blue' surprise review that was so poor I wondered if we worked in the same building. She then found all manner of ways to trip me up, resulting in a full disciplinary hearing that gave me a final written warning for a trumped up offence.

I was to be dismissed, but I used the "Depression Defence". The moment that she started on me, and she was a bully, I went to my GP and registered that I was depressed. I was not, but it was important. I explained that I cold not take anti-depressants because I was under attack at work and had to have a clear head at all times. I kept the defence until the disciplinary hearing and stated, simply, to HR "I am under treatment for clinical depression." I also played the "I am gay" card.

While this is not a get out of jail free card, it makes it VERY hard to fire you, which is how i changed the outcome to a final written warning. Then I made my exit plans, and worked it to coincide with a formal redundancy three months later, when I walked out with a significant payoff of five months' salary plus one month's notice, plus holiday pay.

We had one of those "Please come to a project meeting at 4 in my office" meetings. I walked in, saw HR, and said "How much is the settlement" and left with it.

Treat this as a good thing. You must be good at what you do, so you will get a new job relatively easily. The new job will be wonderful. And you can poach any of the old folk you want when you have the new role.

Right now it sucks, and is making you unwell. Your job, now, is to do well enough at work to survive and to plan your exit route.

-
Rough time you had there Timmy, in your case it sounds like either a woman on a power trip or someone who took an instant dislike to you for no reason. I have been there although that person left before it got unbearable. I don't feel I have been victimized. Instead I feel that the points raised AGAINST me have been over substantiated and the points raised FOR me have been somewhat overlooked. Without dragging up my medical history I have been under the doctor now for around 9 years and this has been due to a mixture of things, most notably my mother passing away at a young age. That's when it all started. My company is aware of this medication I take and I have never used the depression card as a weapon and feel very cautious about doing so now. I have no fear of being fired at the immediate time as I have not displayed a personality implosion that would warrant it. And since writing my first post I have somewhat calmed. I am of the opinion that a few nights sleep tends to focus the mind which it has done. I now intend to take a measured and sensible approach to finding another job rather than being a complete asshole to be around, after all it's not my colleagues fault it's just the system nowadays when a company is hell bent on reducing or not paying bonuses. (A bad year end rating will mean zero or reduced bonus by the way). I've been in the game long enough to know that a bad financial performance by the company usually means a mediocre year end rating... the pattern is too obvious. But it leaves a bitter taste because it suggests cheap dishonesty when I'd rather them say 'hey, you did really well this year, but there is no money in the pot to give you a good bonus.' That would sit much better with me and make me more productive.

Of course, I will be sad to leave a company I have been with for quite a few years, and I am not naive enough to think that most other companies are any different, but I am practical enough to give my own ego some self respect in protest of the above written. 

I could go on but it's boring me and probably everyone else! haha.

Had to go back and correct the first post as it was atrocious in the grammar and spelling department, apologies, I was very tired and emotionally charged that night for anyone that thought... 'Jesus, and this guy's a writer??'
Re: Fear  [message #70992 is a reply to message #70991] Thu, 04 February 2016 20:47 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 12894



We play the cards we must, and at the right time.

Jobs end. New jobs start. Total career changes happen. I have done the following, in order:
  • trainee programmer
  • project manager
  • weird clerical job
  • analyst/programmer
  • computer salesman (several times)
  • product support expert
  • trainer
  • marketing - product manager
  • pre-sales support with no idea what I was doing
  • consultant with no idea what I was doing either
  • marketing - product manager
  • marketing - government sector manager
  • product manager, PC reseller
  • marketing for small software company
  • self employed salesman, motor insurance
  • self employed sales manager, remanufactured printer consumbales
  • temp, oil industry consulting company
  • salesman, fax software. Good grief!
  • MD of a telesales company
  • salesman, IT research co
  • Marketing manager, IT research co
  • European Privacy Officer, same lot
  • self employed consultant
  • commercial skipper of own charter boat (self employed)
  • commercial skipper of a yacht taxi (small ferry) (employed part time)

Seems to me that your work path is likely better than mine. I had to grub around for rubbish jobs and take whatever was given. Two lasted only six weeks before I ran away from them. Most ran away from me. Loads of redundancies. One dismissal because the boss thought my house was better than hers, one major experience of being bullied.

So keep hold of this one until you line the next one up, then leave without fuss, politely, and smiling.



Inconsistent use of capital letters is the difference between Bobby helping Uncle Jack off a horse, AND Bobby helping uncle jack off a horse!
Re: Fear  [message #70995 is a reply to message #70992] Fri, 05 February 2016 04:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Smokr is currently offline  Smokr   United States

Really getting into it
Location: the burning former USofA
Registered: July 2010
Messages: 473



Jobs come and go. I could make a list comparable to Timmy's.
Hang in there and see how you feel about it after some time.
And it never hurts to look through the want ads and such and know what's out there.

[Updated on: Fri, 05 February 2016 04:13]




raysstories.com
Re: Fear  [message #72691 is a reply to message #70978] Wed, 01 March 2017 20:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
bobynike is currently offline  bobynike   Canada

Getting started
Location: Canada
Registered: February 2017
Messages: 4



Losing a loved one before you die.
Re: Fear  [message #72698 is a reply to message #72691] Thu, 02 March 2017 00:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
solsticeman is currently offline  solsticeman   United Kingdom

Likes it here

Registered: November 2012
Messages: 114



I'm with bobynike... Losing a loved one before you die.

Turning to WCW for a moment... think... is the opinion of this over-promoted asshole actually that important. OK so they don't value you, but I'm confident that they are wrong. If you feel that you do a good job but the company doesn't value you... walk. Walk in your own time and at your own pace. Dance to your own tune, you only pass this way once so why allow some prick to spoil it for you.

You've had your review, done, dusted, history. The asshole is probably preening themself. What they don't know is that you are working on the best goddamn CV any talented writer ever wrote. You have what, a year? before the next review and the next opportunity to be brought down... Don't quit, that's their game, they may have told your boss to get as many to leave as possible. Don't play their game... Polish your CV, make it upbeat, get a trusted friend to tell you where the downers are. You'd use an editor for a story... use one now.

Then get yourself the best damn job going. If the mood takes you and the past review records and your works success backs it up, take it to a tribunal as constructive dismissal. Most companies hate bad HR publicity and roll over. But do that after you have the new job and your mood is upbeat again.

My last boss had a saying "If you cant change your people, change your people!" but every time he said it I heard a louder and louder echo... "And, if you can't change your boss... change your boss." So I did!

It may take time, but you are a great writer, well educated, a good track record... shit happens... move on.  

You've paid your dues, you owe the company nothing. This is the moment to quietly dig your way out under the fence... but take the bastards by surprise.

Good luck mate.
Re: Fear  [message #72700 is a reply to message #72698] Thu, 02 March 2017 01:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Mark   United States

Really getting into it
Location: Earth
Registered: April 2013
Messages: 764



"Losing your mind (dementia)" is what I voted for.  It's kind of scary thinking that I could still be alive and yet not really being able to remember anyone or anything.

Losing a loved one before I die kind of depends on who that loved one is.  For example, when my grandmother died at the age of 95, she wasn't in great shape physically; for example, she'd broken her hip twice, had arthritis and hearing loss, and was in the early stages of Alzheimer's (among other things, in the last couple years of her life she thought her 3 kids were her siblings, didn't recognize any of her grandkids, and believed she was in her 70's; I guess that's a part of why dementia scares me so much, because I saw what it did to her).  She'd also outlived my grandfather (who died a couple of weeks after their 72nd wedding anniversary, and yes, you read that number correctly), all of her siblings, and a lot of other people in her generation she'd known in her life, so when she died, it was more of a relief than almost anything, just because we knew she was no longer suffering.

On the other hand, I couldn't imagine outliving any of my nieces or nephews.
Re: Fear  [message #72705 is a reply to message #72700] Thu, 02 March 2017 09:09 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bisexual_Guy is currently offline  Bisexual_Guy   United States

Toe is in the water
Location: USA Midwest
Registered: September 2015
Messages: 31



My biggest fear was not on the poll.  It is, that my significant other would outlive me.  My Significant Other (SO) is younger than me, but has multiple health and mental problems, and already showing signs of possible dementia and possible early Alzheimer's.  If I die before SO, SO is not capable of living by herself for more than a couple of days.  She no longer is able to drive, and her "societal filter" does not work well, and even less so when stressed.  The one relative who might be able to deal with her has multiple heart problems.

I once had the similar problem WCW is having, with an unfair review.  I found out later that two of my supervisors had been told to give me such bad reviews that I could be fired or would quit.  They did, but refused to deliver them to me, saying, "If you want him gone, do the review yourself."  I got a third supervisor who wrote me a good review in spite of directions from above, and I was back on track.  Some years later, something similar happened, but I had an exit plan ready, and used it, while I could still leave on my own terms.

In much of the United States, there are few to no worker protections.  Soon there will be even fewer under President Trump.  In the state where I live, only certain people are covered on firings.  The rest are "at will" employees, who can be fired at any time for any reason or no reason, including being LGBT.

All who work for someone other than one's self should have savings reserves and at least one, possibly more exit plans.  It is not always easy to do, but one should strive to make it so.
Re: Fear  [message #72722 is a reply to message #70978] Sun, 05 March 2017 19:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Jackboy is currently offline  Jackboy   United Kingdom

Toe is in the water
Location: North UK
Registered: August 2016
Messages: 78



Oh hell, you poor thing. That's just plainly not fair. (Here's a friendly HUG; if you didn't mind).

If things are REALLY bad there, then I would TRY to go over his head and ask for another on by Snr Manager.
And stuff the chain of Command.
If things are REALLY bad there, then I don't think you have much to lose by just TRYING that re-consideration.

I keep hearing stories similar to yours; and it is no wonder that more people are suffering Stress and depression at work.
I'm not talking about "Oh I broke my favourite mug, so I'm upset" LOL.
But good honest and hitherto loyal employees like yourself; suddenly blown dad in the water, by some little shit,
often younger. Perhaps even jealous of your popularity or whatever.

I hope that you can get past that period, with you confidence restored, or at least in part.
My own Fear would be Nuclear War, or No 15 as a secondary choice. Some of the other things already happened to me haha.

Thank you for sharing that, and all the best to you mate.

Jack.
Re: Fear  [message #72739 is a reply to message #70978] Sat, 11 March 2017 14:08 Go to previous message
Ian John Copeland is currently offline  Ian John Copeland   United Kingdom

Toe is in the water
Location: South East
Registered: December 2012
Messages: 32



Thankfully, I am now retired, I have spent the last 8+ years working as a freelance expert in my field, that kept me gainfully employed until just over a year ago, then the work dried up last year.

The reason I left my last job 8 years ago was similar, an unsympathetic boss and a deliberately set up review process.  Realising it was a set up, I gave them (3 line managers) a piece of my mind and truncated the interview saying that there was no point continuing the process.  At a later meeting with my boss, I stated I wanted to leave and I expected a pay-off, that was accepted, so I walked away from what had become a nightmare job with a decent pay-off and walked into freelance work after a couple of months off. A post script is that the boss was moved sideways a month later, basically because he could not deliver (and was a bone idle shit in my books).

So you can either decide to do as Jack advises or request a pay-off, most reasonable managers will probably come up with something.  Leaving was one of the best things I ever did, it gave me enough time and brain space to finish my novel Scholarship.

Good luck in what ever you decide to do, sometimes a change is an enormous relief.

Ian

[Updated on: Sat, 11 March 2017 14:08]




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