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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body
i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75418] Sun, 20 January 2019 16:38 Go to next message
OriginalFreedom is currently offline  OriginalFreedom   Germany

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Registered: January 2019
Messages: 3



hey i'm m/17 and feel unconfident about my skinny body, lookin for some opionions around here.
maybe i'll find some people who feel like me.
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75419 is a reply to message #75418] Sun, 20 January 2019 16:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
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I was skinny at 17. The thing is, I was proud to be slim. This means I'm wondering what has happened to make you feel awkward about yiourself. Do you feel up to opennig up about that?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75420 is a reply to message #75419] Sun, 20 January 2019 16:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
OriginalFreedom is currently offline  OriginalFreedom   Germany

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Registered: January 2019
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the thing is i graduated from school a year ago.
and i was never confident in anything of me (german guy here, dont judge my english).
and now i see on instagram my old classmates getting their dream body, their dream girls, their dream job and i feel like i dont get anything i want because i am too shy and unconfident. thats a real problem for me.
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75421 is a reply to message #75420] Sun, 20 January 2019 17:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
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What I like is that you are not too shy to ask folk about what is bothering you. 

Do you know that people lie on Instagram? That's the first thing.

The second thing is that you have been able to say, mostly, what the problems are. Of these, which is the most important one?

[Updated on: Sun, 20 January 2019 17:01]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75422 is a reply to message #75421] Sun, 20 January 2019 17:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
OriginalFreedom is currently offline  OriginalFreedom   Germany

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Registered: January 2019
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the biggest problem for me is that i aint man enough to say "fuck what somebody else think about me and just do it" i just cant. and that is what fucks me up.
and online there isnt this problem.
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75423 is a reply to message #75422] Sun, 20 January 2019 17:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

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Location: UK, in Devon
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That's interesting. I could give you a line about 'yes you are, you just have!' but I don't think that's your solution.

I have a question, instead. What things do you think, perhaps know, that others think about you?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75424 is a reply to message #75418] Mon, 21 January 2019 05:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
luvtwinks is currently offline  luvtwinks   United States

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Registered: August 2018
Messages: 38



I felt the same way at that age. At 6'2" I weighed a mere 135 pounds. Kids called me "string bean". I thought I looked like shit and I always compared myself to the football jocks, etc. But many years later looking at pictures of me back then I realized I was actually a cute little twink. I just didn't realize it at the time. You are who you are. Embrace it.
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75434 is a reply to message #75424] Wed, 23 January 2019 05:05 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Teddy is currently offline  Teddy   United States

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Registered: October 2006
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Well, I happen to think that slim, slender, and skinny guys are very attractive. Like you I didn't think I looked too wonderful when I was 17, but now, when I dig out the photos of me that were taken at that age, I see that I had a misperception of my looks. I was actually quite attractive. That little exercise allowed me to ask myself the same questions that Timmy has asked you. Give those questions some thought.
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75440 is a reply to message #75418] Thu, 24 January 2019 19:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Jena   Malaysia

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Registered: January 2019
Messages: 6



I am going to share a part of myself that I have never revealed to anyone. I hope you won't find me weird or revolting.
I feel the same way as you do. In fact I've been feeling this way since I was like 14/15.I always have a thing for blondes, preferably towheads with piercing blue eyes. I am always looking for someone who's better looking than me. I always dream of becoming better looking. I always hope that I'd have the shrewdness, the confidence, and the charm that the people I made up in my mind have. Few years ago I even listened to subliminal tracks over YouTube hoping it would fix my flaws and made me into someone closer to the ideal in my head. But it never did. I knew it wouldn't do anything but naturally I have a tendency of believing in miracles and hoping that the 0.00001% rate of success might manifest itself in me. I knew it would not change a thing but still I was crestfallen. Sometimes when I go to sleep I think of how everything would become better and easier had I possessed the features+traits I dream of. 
I always hated my eyes as I view them to be my worst feature. I certainly did not inherit my mother's, which are gorgeous and soulful. Thereafter I always look towards people with beautiful eyes.
I read N Fourbois's "Just another day but it got better" and the protagonist Nick Croker is very close to what I perceive as ideal. He's highly intelligent, shrewd, sharp, good at dealing with people, confident, calm, caring, loving, and the way he talks, the way he conveys his thoughts, the impeccable grammar and extensive vocabulary, the way he rationalise and formulating everything are so damn close to perfect. And the most important thing is that he's incredibly good looking. Not that I can see him physically but I can picture him in my head. I can see the short blonde hair, the tight body, and the beautiful piercing blue eyes. And I wish I could be him. Because he's everything I am not. Alles ist kaputt!!
First post, 
-M.

[Updated on: Thu, 24 January 2019 20:07]

Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75441 is a reply to message #75440] Thu, 24 January 2019 20:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13079



I also wanted miracles. And no, you are not weird, revolting, nor any other negative thing. Instead you are brave.

I think we have to look for miracles in different ways. First we, none of us, have a view of ourselves that is impartial. It is up to others to like our eyes, our hair, our physique.  It is up to us to make the best of our attributes,k but that is as far as we can go.

The miracle I desired above everything was never going to be. Just as I had given up hope I had my miracle. At 26 I fell in love that was returned. I was very surprised that it was with a very feminine and pretty girl. That was on the 15th of October 1978. We are still together. That was a miracle and has meant determination and work.

I am still gay. I am not bisexual. But my miracle was falling for a human being who also fell for me.

I have never been confident, but I wore a mask, a suit of armour, of confidence. As a further miracle I was able to take the armour off.

This is not about me, though it sounds like it. It's about mircales and our image of self.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75444 is a reply to message #75441] Fri, 25 January 2019 04:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Mark   United States

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Location: Earth
Registered: April 2013
Messages: 185



I've also wanted miracle as well.  Timmy is correct, though - none of us really have a view of ourselves that is impartial.  I look at posts like that of OriginalFreedom, and wonder why he feels nad about his body.  I wish I was skinny!  If "bean pole" was the worst thing that I'd ever be called, I'd consider myself fortunate indeed.  I look at pictures of cute boys on the Internet, and wish I looked like them.

But then I think of the good things that I have in life.  Yes, I could stand to lose some weight, but I'm still in reasonably good health overall.  I have friends and family that like me for who I am.  I've got a job that at least allows me to have a place to live and food to eat (and still have some money left over to save up and enjoy an occasional fun activity).  I get to hang out here on this site and be able to read cool stories, and Timmy even allows me to occasionally contribute to those stories myself.

Start looking at the things that you can be grateful for, and maybe it will help you like it helps me.
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75446 is a reply to message #75444] Fri, 25 January 2019 15:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Jena   United Kingdom

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Registered: January 2019
Messages: 6



I fully understand your point of view and where you're coming from. In fact, it is the innate quality of humans to seek perfection and to always be at the top of everything we do. No matter how much we have, we crave for more. We are never content. And it makes our minds weak.
To me though, it feels exactly like that line from the coldplay song: "When you get what you want but not what you need."
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75448 is a reply to message #75446] Fri, 25 January 2019 17:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy   United Kingdom

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13079



"Jena wrote on Fri, 25 January 2019 15:48"
I fully understand your point of view and where you're coming from. In fact, it is the innate quality of humans to seek perfection and to always be at the top of everything we do. No matter how much we have, we crave for more. We are never content. And it makes our minds weak.
To me though, it feels exactly like that line from the coldplay song: "When you get what you want but not what you need."

--
Our minds are not weak. We simply confuse ourselves, sometimes. Seek contentment, not perfection. Understand what makes you happy. I love an imperfect person. I am loved by this imperfect person who sees my inperfections. I like imperfections, for they are the things that make 'character'.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: i feel unconfident and unsatisfied about my body  [message #75453 is a reply to message #75448] Sun, 27 January 2019 16:52 Go to previous message
Mark   United States

Likes it here
Location: Earth
Registered: April 2013
Messages: 185



"timmy wrote on Fri, 25 January 2019 10:04"

"Jena wrote on Fri, 25 January 2019 15:48"
I fully understand your point of view and where you're coming from. In fact, it is the innate quality of humans to seek perfection and to always be at the top of everything we do. No matter how much we have, we crave for more. We are never content. And it makes our minds weak.
To me though, it feels exactly like that line from the coldplay song: "When you get what you want but not what you need."

--
Our minds are not weak. We simply confuse ourselves, sometimes. Seek contentment, not perfection. Understand what makes you happy. I love an imperfect person. I am loved by this imperfect person who sees my inperfections. I like imperfections, for they are the things that make 'character'.

--

Very true, Timmy.  Speaking of song lyrics, I'm reminded of a line from a Rolling Stones song: "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well, you might find you get what you need."
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