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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
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It can't be that simple?
I have it.
It is as simple as that.
And yet the pure simplicity of it bewilders me. And it is not to my taste in the smallest degree.
I have reached the conclusion that people post what we might call "carelsss" posts because they have been badly brought up, and are naturally impolite, and naturally disruptive.
And they love to see the disruption that their selfish stupidity causes when their post eother upsest someone, or brings people rushing to say "it wasn't me" (schoolroom behaviour) or to defend them (pack territorial behaviour) or to attack them (joining in and bullying).
All of these things provide attention. And attention is desirable.
It's like a kid being naughty when its dad gets home from work, because it wants attention, and even a smack is attention.
I started out by understanding this behaviour. I saw it on other messageboards and sought, once, to calm it. For that I was reviled. So I created a board on my own site. Some might call it a vanity. Perhaps it is. For a long time the board was gentle and peaceful. A few oddities happened, and fights broke out. That was ok, though unpleasant.
Recently things have become vitriolic here.
People are being frightened away.
Three people are on "final warnings". Three!
That means that the purpose I started it for is being ruined by a few selfish, egocentric fools. Perhaps it has already been ruined.
It is the work of a minute to close it down totally.
All I have to do is to log in to my (yes "my") website, selected the diectory where the board is, and press "delete".
I don't want apologies.
In fact I am going to delete any apologies as pretentious and self seeking.
What I want here, now, are reasons to keep this board open. Got a good reason? Post it. Got an excuse or an apology? Don't even think of it. Want to get upset about it? Forget it, I'm not interested. The only answers I will retain here are reasons to keep it open.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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In my home, the region of the United States known as New England, we have some of the most treacherous coastal features beside the calmest harbors and sanctuaries around. And even though New England is known for it's usually calm and soothing climate (despite the power of winter's chill) when we do get storms, they are righteous nasty bastards of storms, capable of inflicting hurricane like forces out at sea and pounding the rocky coasts of my homeland.
To aid those who might be lost at sea, to serve as a warning and as a place of refuge from the storms, the ancient mariners and townsfolk of the coastal reagions erected lighthouses, beacons of warning and markers that help to guide ships and the souls upon them safely home.
Running and maintaining a lighthouse was never easy work, and many of those that still operate to this day do so under automation and computer controls, with little in the way of direct supervision from those that built or even are assigned the responsibility for such places. Yet they are still necessary, vital and, in some ways, sentimental to the sailors of the region. More than just to the sailors, some of them are even admired landmarks for those who do not go down to the sea in ships, or even take to the waves at shore's edge.
That is what you established this forum to be, Timmy. A lighthouse. A watchtower where advice can be freely sought, freely given and freely debated. As guardian and keeper of this lighthouse, all that happens to it is your responsibility. If those who come to visit do so in the spirit of the place, you must welcome them, knowing that it is your work they do here as well. If those who come here do so with malice or cannot agree to disagree yet get along, then it is your power, honor and duty to do what you must.
But should the keeper of the light put it under a bushel just because there are those out there that seek to abuse the light's resting place? Do the guardians hide, seek shelter from the storm when that light is needed most? Do, in fact, the light bearers seek the empty solace of shadow and doom others to darkness' foul embrace as well?
No. The light banishes the shadow, even as it creates the shadow from those that seek to bask in the light, yet bar it from others. They exist together, shadow and light, but they must also respect each other. So instead of covering this light under a bushel, banish the shadows from your midst. Don't doom the ships at sea. Don't send away those seeking help, guidance and nuturing. Don't let the storm and it's ill winds blow out the light.
In the end, Watchkeeper, the decision is yours. Just know that this light stands beside yours, ready, able and willing to mark the boundary of the darkness and force it back so that the light can reach those that need it. I think I speak for many here when I say that. I hope that those with the courage to stand up for it do so as well, and tell you how this place has helped them.
To the rest of you, especially those of you that see this place as a place to be angry and worrisome and to attack others, a warning and advice, wrapped up in one: tread lightly. This is a Place of Safety. A harbor from the cruelties of the world, not a place for you to renew your vituperation on your kith and kin. This is not the place to hack and slash at your fellow's ideas, concepts and needs. If you want that kind of companionship, seek it elsewhere. Timmy created this place to help those who need understanding, friendship and a sense of community. If you want to be a mindless Hun, take your anger and go. If you need help dealing with your anger, welcome, friend, and let's talk about it.
But this must end. The storms will always come. The light must be there to aid those tossed on the whims of dark sea and sky. Those that seek to undermine the light.....you gottah go through me first, pally. And I have lots of friends who will stand with me on that.
Timmy, you know my mind now. I will support any decision you make. I urge you not to shut it down, and where necessary, be a surgeon and cut loose the cancers. Tough choices, I know. But I am confident that whatever decision you make, it will come from your mind, your heart, and your soul. And with that kind of backing, you can't go wrong.
Brother to brother, I am yours, eternally,
D'Artagnon
All for one....one for all!
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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What's to be said?
I don't know where I'd be without you and this place.
It's home. It's where all my friends are, and well a place I know I can come to if things get "down".
I know this isn't the place, but I really thought people would think about things since they've seen someone was really hurt by what is going on.
I really am sorry Timmy. Edit out what you need to.
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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Brian
We haven't know each other long, but I feel I can trust you with a lot. We've had long talks and know a good deal of each other's secrets. I consider you a friend. And a close one at that.
If something's bugging you, tell me, doesn't have to be here. You can e-mail me or catch me on IM. Heck if you really need to talk, I'll give you my home phone number. Just remember that we're here for each other, man. We are here to help and to be helped.
And if nothing else, you can vent.....heheh, you know I'm good at deflecting it and then making you think about stuff. Bring back that smile and let's see what troubles you. Perhaps a solution is out there. Perhaps just a way to deal with something. Just don't let yourself get dragged out to sea because of someone else. I might stand by Timmy's decision, but I stand with my friends as well. I know there is some middle ground that can still be reached, or at least some pacification that can be attempted.
You know my mind as well, Brian. And you know I don't give up easy, nor do I let my friends stand alone. It will get better. Take my hand in trust and friendship and let's start everything over again. We might not be able to make everything the way it was, but we can at least put the past to rest and seek the future.
Your friend and ally,
D'Artagnon
All for one......one for all!
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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I just know that this place gave me a home (at least in my heart) that was not available to me anywhere else. I have met the most wonderful people here, many of whom I now call my family.
It would sure be a shame to lose that. But that my friend is your call not mine. My hopes and prayers are with you at this dificult time.
Hugs,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Timmy, I have only been here for a couple of weeks, so the long term history on this message board I know nothing of, really.
However, I will say that I have been so encouraged here since I came onboard. I have made new friends, who I talk to here and even on the phone... people I know I can talk to after only this short time...
It is truly a shame that in a 'family' like this there is such voracious fighting... and I do feel that this is a family of sorts... with it's own distinct personality.
I have been helped. I have been given the opportunity to help others... all because of this board... and though it may not feel like it right now, I feel this is a place of helping and healing...
Of course, do what you must... I just wanted to add my opinion. Thanks for giving me the opportunity.
Peace....
BamBam
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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i can be me here. there are some secrets here, although erased now, that i have never told anyone else. ever. and yet here, i was able to let it out freely without (too much) stumbling. to people who i don't even know, and yet i already feel, and felt, so close to.
i don't know what i would do if it closed down. it's only been a short time since i got here, but in a way it already feels like forever. there's some people i only get to talk to on here, it seems, and if it closed down i'd probably never hear from them again. and these people have been nothing but helpful, friendly, lovely creatures.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
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Your opinion counts
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Thank you for putting it so clearly, congratulations
This is what it SHOULD be about
Keep the light burning
Mike
Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words
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No Message Body
viðrar vel til loftárása
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Please explain what that means?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
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I wonder if many of you realise how much you are bullying me?
There is an old wound that some are active in not letting die,and others, by passive avoidance of the baord are not letting die.
I can tell you very clearly. If I respond to your pressure in the way you want me to, that I am neither being fair to my principles, nor am I being fair to you.
I have spoken with some of those pressing me privately. More than one does not understand what is happening. And I cannot speak of it in public here without reopening the wound.
I now am at a stage of wondering what to do here. The way you are treating me makes this no fun any more. It makes it work instead of pleasure. It makes me wonder what my email will bring next.
I have had enough. Why do none of you realise that I am human?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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i'm sorry this has turned un-fun for you, timmy.. or that things aren't going away, or are being too avoided, or too brought up.
if there's anything i could do, please tell me? i want to take part in making this place as good as it can be, and safe for everyone..
h.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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No Message Body
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
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All I can ask anyone to do is to treat old wounds as closed. And trust me. But instead I am being lobbied and bullied and hectored. I hate politics. And people are playing politics on me.
This wound is finished. Period. If the orignator reopenes it, I will deal with it. But I will not bow to pressure at all. But right now I feel more like leaving this place to the wolves. For it is what the bullies will get if they get their way. Lord of the Flies.
For this to end, people have to behave with normality. That it has ended publicly is not enough. It has to end in private too.
The board was here before this. Unless I let a Lord of the Flies scenario play itself out it will be here after this. BUT if I allow that scenario I no longer want any association with it anyway.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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No Message Body
viðrar vel til loftárása
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No Message Body
viðrar vel til loftárása
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then those of us who do not want to see it play out that way, and i know there are many, we'll make sure it doesn't.
good for you, for not bowing and bending to pressure. timmmy, a lot of people would be lost without this place -- you have done an amazing thing here, and i know this. *we* know this. and we appreciate *you* for this.
you do so much, beyond the board you're maintaining your site, which has lots of helpful info: from health to stories that inspire love and hope, to fun polls to everything else. people shouldn't be sipping the sweat from your back this way, and i'm sorry they are.
so the least we can all do is make sure this board stays as it should be: a place of safety. it shouldn't only be up to you .. after all, this is a family, right? it takes more than one.
we're behind you, and beside you,
heathyr
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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It is time to grow up boys and girls....
Sometimes in life a person has to just bite the bullit and make the best of things. Usually when this happens the bullet is alot sweeter than it origionally appeared.
Lets all come out and resume the game..... The rain is over and the sun is again shining.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Timmy your not gonna like this,but if you want some sort of peace,my best guess is to toss all those e-mails out on this forun for all to see..It will be a shocker for some,but such will expose those that want the war to continue..It would seem that all that has happened is to drive the malcontents underground..So they resort to the tactic of bagering you through e-mail...You dont have to take that so why not expose such misconduct here for all to see...perhaps the nonsense will end???????--rob
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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The people who are confused and perhaps sending timmy questioning e-mails are not posting right now. The rest of us are going on with our business. We truly do not want to read any more harsh words. Let's just have a really great Sunday and let the people who are missing come to realize that they are loved and their places on the comfy sofa are waiting if they want them. K?
{{hugs}} on this beautiful morning
 smith
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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thanks guy,but it sounds like Timmy is getting nasty mail....rob BTW HUGS
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
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a gentle 16 year old "boy" (man, surely?) has shown me great wisdom in helping me to handle this. So I am going to leave it to him. Nothing "nasty" has happened. But the end result is that it feels unpleasant.
smith, over to you
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I write a story on this site......only on this site. I have gotten hundreds of e-mails of encouragement and praise, some for the overall story and some from people who see a little deeper and realize it's my way of asking for redemption.
Out of these e-mails, there have only been a few I have not answered. They condemned me for nastiness, ranted on about who they thought I was or tried to make me change the course of my story because it was wrong in their eyes. Those e-mails hurt. One caused me to stop writing altogether for awhile.
Like timmy, these things hurt. Words hurt. But, when you feel you are right, when you know that to do anything else would go against what you believe, then you try to ignore and you go on. The people who are writing need to decide what is important and remember that wornout old cliche: There is no 'i' in team and it takes everyone to make a place safe.
Timmy is trying to ignore and go on. You, as his friend, need to let him.
smith
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It's been discussed on here before* so it's been on my "must see" list for some time. Last night I finally got round to watching it.
Sometimes in life we can't pay back the people who help us on our way. But instead we can "pay forward" by showing kindness to or helping others.
The movie is the story of an eleven year old boy who tries to follow those principles and the results that ensue. There is a moving twist at the end. I recommend it.
As Charlie says, sometimes we see this principle in action on this MB. When that happens the board feels a very special place.
* For previous thread see:
http://forum.iomfats.org/w-agora/view.php?bn=forumiomfatsorg_placeofsafety&key=1041439426&pattern=Paying+it+forward
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smith, you have such a way with incredible words of wisdom... Thanks for sharing them with us....
Rob, you have been so supportive of what is right in so many things here.... Thanks for that....
Timmy, you have taken on a challenge... one that I may personally have found insurmountable... Thanks for your bravery and courage to push on through... and for a great web site..
Hugs, Love, and Sunshine to all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BamBam
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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Notice: I am more than angry at all the poor behaviour. 
The Bushel or the Lighthouse 
Re: Notice: I am more than angry at all the poor behaviour. 
I am not quite sure what to say .... 
Re: The Bushel or the Lighthouse 
Listen a sec though, Rob 
