|
|
marc
|
 |
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
Is it possible to love a person too much?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oh yeah, for sure. Like when you're being abused and you can't leave because they need you so much...
Or when you're being cheated on and can't imagine life without this love of yours.
Or when your being neglected and not being treated equally in the relationship, and you excuse it because you love them to pieces and can't imagine life yadda yadda...
Oh yeah. Loads of people continue to love when it's plainly self-destructive and one sided...
Very sad, too.>
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Marc, what an awesome question. I will try to give my answer as shortly as possible... but it is pretty vast territory...
If you truly love someone, then you are going to want the best for that person, no matter what. If it is truly love that you have for them, then your love for them will be totally selfless no matter what. Also, if you truly love them, you will not expect that love to be returned, unless there is an established relationship where that love is reciprocated.
Therefore, it stands to reason that if you love them, you would do what is best for them and that would not be too much, because you are only doing what is best for THEM.
The trouble comes when we try to do what we THINK is best for them... or when we do things so as not upset them... (read enabling them to do wrong). If we do that, enable them I mean, then are we truly loving them??? Mostly no. We are only doing that which makes US feel good, because we are not causing discomfort to our own selves... in whatever form it may come.
So, can we love someone too much????? In short, I believe not. We can walk in something we wish to disguise as love, but it is not love at all.. it is our own comfort zone... that which makes us feel so good... and the focus is off the other person... hence stopping the 'flow' of love...
Does any of this make sense????
Hugs to all
Bam
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
I understand all the wrong reasons to remain in love.....
But can there be good things????
Is it ok to hold on to a memory?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
robert bryce
|
 |
Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
|
|
|
Marc MY FRIEND::::: did you know that you and I and maybe just a handful of others were so lucky to be gifted with a connection of love that knows no bounds..We have our memories,sometimes those are gutwrenching painful,other times the memories sooth the soul..Marc,we are the lucky ones,the others dont even have a clue..We few,gifted with a love that is awesome,beyond mere words so intense that binds the spirit beyond measure..But where do we find comfort when that seperation becomes unbarable,so utterly painful that it seems to sap the essence from our lives..Perhaps there is a great comfort in us being good friends sharing a spirit that makes life worth living.At this point I am beginning to see that the God that I understand loved me enough to experience for at least a small time the love of a boy,a boy that did not have a chance to grow into manhood..His spirit still lives in my soul--I still see his face and I still hear his voice when I am silent..Yes we are the lucky ones,that love has shaped our lives.May it be so for others.........rob
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
robert bryce
|
|
Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
|
|
|
:-[
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
|
|
|
It is hard to answer your question without a frame of reference. So maybe examples:
My love for John: Misplaced, huge, all consuming and wasted. Since it was unreturned it was too much. I made a total prick ofmyself because I loved him.
My love for my wife: I would argue that it is not enough. She deserves more than 100%
My love for my dearest friends: Almost too much, since I put frineds too high on my scale of people. If I were able to modify the scale then it would work.
Does your question mean "Can you smother someone with love?" If so, a resounding "Yes". A beloved person does not need to be ever wrapped in warm towels, just to be loved. And to be free.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
Is it wrong for me to not be able to let go..... After he is long gone.
I just can't say that other word......
Is it unfair to my Kevin.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
I just can't find the right words.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
|
|
|
Marc, Ricky was an amazing, awesome man. He rescued you in so many ways, and you adored him unconditionally wherever he led you. It was not gratitude, it was love. Yet you were also grateful.
Had he not died I pray you would have been happy with him for ever and he with you. I am sure we would not have met, and I know you would not have met Kevy. And the love you have (present tense) for him is fierce, perhaps fiercer than it was during his life.
Kevy knows and understands. These are the terms he met you on, loved you on, and married you on. Not for one second has he ever thought he would supplant Ricky in your heart. He lives alongside him. Ricky is in your Ricky-place and Kevy is in your Kevy-place.
And that is as it should be.
There are times when powerful memories are triggered. At those times we cry, we search our hearts, and we agonise over our current situation. And, if we are wise, we realise that we have all the thinsg that make life worthwhile. And that we are loved. But we feel guilty wishing sometimes that the other love could still be there for us too.
Marc, your love for Ricky needs to take its rightful place. Powerful, and increasingly gentle. At the same time your love for Kevy needs to remain powerful and become increasingly fierce. This is for you I say this, not for him. he has his own voice. He reads here sometimes, and he will tell you how much I have right and how much is missing the target.
Is this unfair to Kevy? No. He knew Ricky in you as you and he courted. He has always known him and accepted him long ago. Be gentle on yourself.
And dry your eyes and hold the man who loves you and be comforted without guilt
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
We each have a great capacity for love. Marc, I know you enough to know that your capacity for love is imeasurable. Just as you love now, it does not diminish or make less your love in the past.
To keep that love in your heart now is to honor him with your memory and your heart. You also do honor to Kevy by sharing your love with him now. In fact, I believe Ricky would want that for you now.
Keep a smile in your heart for him, and he will smile down on both of you as you share your lives together.
To much love, absolutely not. The world needs more people like you that can continue to love others as you are also loved.
And I truely mean this,
Much love to you, and from you, all your days,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
-- if you're on the other end of the "loved too much" spectrum? what if someone's hanging onto you, too tightly, and won't let go?
even when you try to explain?
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
robert bryce
|
|
Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
|
|
|
yes,there are people that cannot equate dependence from excessive *love*...Here is where one draws a fine line and has to decide if that excess is destructive,smothering in nature..To tell the truth,I excess in my memories of a lost love and prob. if I had a lover today,I would excess..That is my nature right or wrong..I like the concept of unconditional love,but life has taught me that self preservation also must balance..One thing for sure,the stories that I have read have impacted my life and even this board has had an impact..In many instances I have reached out for help and have been shunned and sent on my way..rob
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Marc, I'm sorry for the pain you seem to be feeling right now...but you have gotten thru worse, so you will get thru this, too, I hope.
One thought to add to those already expressed so well by others above...
What would Ricky say if he could say something about your current feelings and life situation with Kevvy?
I never met him of course, but I can't imagine he would be anything but happy that your life is so full now, and that you honor Ricky's memory so well at the same time.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
No, actually I don't think you can, if you are truly loving 
Re: A question........... 
Re: Love ... 