|
|
marc
|
 |
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
Is there a difference between the two? Sometimes I really wonder....
I mean I am in the real world.... The internet ia a part of that real world... Does it not stand to some degree of reason that internet friends are as real, as viable, as intense, as troubled (I could go on) as our nore corporeal friends????
Now I fully understand the advantages of reading body language and tonal inflections and all that. But when it comes to being friends are these things really as important as they seem?
I'd like your opinions please......
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i touched on this in rich's post too, but i will here also.
Now I fully understand the advantages of reading body language and tonal inflections and all that. But when it comes to being friends are these things really as important as they seem?
you're right here -- there are advantages to seeing eyes, and hearing tones and inflictions, and body language. but i know i can't be the only one who keeps these things "guarded" you could say, on a day to day basis with corporeal, real people. like i said in rich's topic, there are things i wouldn't just say to a person face to face, or a "real life" friend, that i have said here, and to internet friends, to give them a better idea of who i am, or, why i function the way i do (this latter being a bit more important, and probably why i really don't have real life friends anymore).
the friends i grew up with know WHY i function how i do, and they know all that happened. however, most of them are married, moved away ... only one still comes back and visits every summer. i never bothered to make new "local" friends. it's too hard, and tedious, and usually results in some kind of broken heart, ego, or whatever. here, i have no trouble making friends.
i admit this school year, at a new college that isn't "snobby" but is actually very warm (everyone told me private colleges are filled with assholes), i've had an easier time being "social," but i doubt the people i talk to during class or breaks will become life-long friends.
yet, here on the internet, i've made a few "lifelong" friends. i know i will be in contact with, or still visit/get visits from, a few very strong-bonded people (their details being in rich's post).
so to me, internet friends vs. real life friends shouldn't be compared. i myself act the same way here that i would in person, if i were able to make myself do so, more easily.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Internet allows us to be real people online. It also allows us to talk to each other in forums like this without inhibition.
It also allows us to hide behind the internet and be people here that we may not be in our real life.
Does that mean we are not all real? No. Does it mean we are less present? No. It means we act however we choose in whatever medium we are in... whether in person, or online... but we are no less real here than in person, because we may act just as unreal in person as we do here.
Real, Marc? In a word, yes. Different challenges and situations? Yes.
For one, I like the ability to reach out to others here, without someone looking at me and judging me for my looks, etc. I enjoy talking to you, David, smith, Machelli, Heathyr, Danielle and all the others here... a broad range of ages, social classes, situations and upbringings that all melt together over this board.
BamBam
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Got me pretty deep in thinkin' here Marc! 
Nice to "meet" ya! ;-D
Well, there certainly ARE advantages and disadvantages when comparing both- the internet and real life I mean. What girl misplaced said was true- there ARE certain things you tell people on the net which you can't tell to real life friends. On the net- you see, people can't judge you by the way you look... and response isn't pretty much in real time, so it makes things a lot easier. On the net- I guess we're somehow invulnerable. We can talk without having anyone stop or disturb us.
Still, I think the net is best used as an outlet or resource. Friends you find here and very special and valuable I agree, but nothing beats friends whom you can actually see and touch- friends you can actually lean on when your down, real shoulders to cry on, real smiles to cheer you up. With the net, you can't see nor experience that. Then again, you can always meet up with your internet friends in real life, you know? ;-D
"The worst way of missing someone is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them." To Stephen Tsang, wherever you are.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i'd also like to add, and this goes for rich's post too (though i may have said this there, i'd have to look) --
it's true that it's very easy to lie over the 'net, however, i've met more dishonest people face-to-face in real life, who i didn't think would possibly lie to me, and have. so to me, i don't think lying and presenting different facades over the 'net is "worse" as some would like to say, or have "warned" me about. lying about appearances and who you are, sure .. but i almost married a person who lied about a drug habit. i'd rather have someone tell me they were a boy and wound up being a girl, or that they were 6 feet tall and wraith-thin and find out their not, when say, meeting them face to face for the first time or getting a picture, rather than have someone at "face value" appearance/general-things wise, and find out they have this huge secret life i didn't know about.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
Now lets take it to the next level.
Does meeting an online friend in the real world change the overall perspective of the intensity of online friends?
How many here have met in person a friend whom you met online?
Now be honest with this one.... It is not easy to answer....
What were you thinking about just before you came eye to eye?
What were you thinking 15 minutes later?
And 2 hours later?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
For your first question, it's hard in real life to talk about what we do online. I guess you just don't want to see the expression when you say something, or something to that effect.
This new question. Yes I have met online friends. Four of you so far.
Right before you and I met, well......"What the hell am I doing here?" was the first thing going through my mind. But, being me, I make an appointment, and I'm either early or right on time.
When we met.....I don't know, "relieved" that there are others out there like me.
As far as longer than that, I've noticed that nobody is the same as they are on here, not open like on here, "different" if that makes sence.
Now my question: "After your first experience meeting and online friend, would you do it again?"
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
 |
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
|
|
|
First it IS real, itis just long distance.
> Does meeting an online friend in the real world change the overall perspective of the intensity of online friends?
It is the case that sometimes it does. Sometimes the intensity turns into a comfort and somehow wanes. At other times it increases
>
> How many here have met in person a friend whom you met online?
I have met many
>
> Now be honest with this one.... It is not easy to answer....
>
> What were you thinking about just before you came eye to eye?
I wonder if he'll actually turn up!
>
> What were you thinking 15 minutes later?
>
I have not had a poor experience yet. I was almost certainly just getting to know them
> And 2 hours later?
really much the same
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
no, i don't believe it changes intensity, UNLESS one or the other was not straight with their personality, or how they ARE "in real life," and so when you meet, clicking doesn't work.
i have met several people IRL that i have initially met online. dated some, was roomates with others, still are best, close friends with others. i never, EVER had the "fifteen minutes of uncomfortable strangeness when face to face for the first time" experience with any of them. they, like me, seemed to be pretty up front with how they are, their personality, their appearance, their hang ups. even if these things aren't DISCUSSED online, you get a hang of what they ARE, from in-depth communication (ie: more than just 2 words or a sentence at a time in talking, so personality shows through).
15 minutes prior, i usually think: are they as they were online? what will i do if they aren't? and, most vividly ... what are they going to think of ME?
15 minutes later: i wish this person lived closer to me.
2 hours after: i wish i lived closer to this person.
and yes, these are honest. the instances where i have found out otherwise with people, usually don't occur until like, several meetings later, or when people have moved closer to here (and once, a boyfriend moved IN), their masks start to slip as time goes by. time as in more than just a weekend or week.
but as i said before, these "masks" come into play, ALL the time, with people you can meet locally, too.
hope this was enough!
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
actually, i have to recant one thing. when i met my now-ex GF, she was radically different face to face as opposed to online. but NOT personality wise--we got along beautifully, had so much fun together, finished sentences, etc. the only difference was she was more bold online, as in with romantics, pledges, promises, "when you get here i SO want to do this..." and when i was there (or her here) these things did not occur, leaving me confused. but the good outweighed the bad. she's a wonderful girl and i hope to never totally lose her out of my heart.
but i never had the, "OMG what is this and why is she here/why am i here?!" thing. my 15 minutes before/after, 2 hours claim in the post before this one were the same with her. some people are just less shy online, and i admitted in my first post here, and rich's topic, that i'm the same way. i think that's why the friends i've made online are such stronger bonds and friendships. they know, from communicating with me HERE first, why i am the way i am. instead of locals (or perhaps first impressions at school which i'm sure many have) who are like, "why does she look so angry/sad/detached/indifferent."
people here know why i'm so guarded, and don't assume i'm some cold hearted bitch.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
I tend to agree....
But I have a question as well.....
You mention "masks slipping".... Are they really masks? Could it possibly be that the persons makeup, persona if you will, is too complex a thing to make you adequetly aware of all the little (or big) quirks and bumps that conflict with a lasting friendship?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
What about meetings that don't go well?
Is there anyone here that had a uncomfortable experience when meeting someone face to face?
Telling of these things may help others avoid the same pitfalls.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You mention "masks slipping".... Are they really masks? Could it possibly be that the persons makeup, persona if you will, is too complex a thing to make you adequetly aware of all the little (or big) quirks and bumps that conflict with a lasting friendship?
hmmm. probably not. i am not tooting my own horn, but i tend to be a good judge of character. although, there've been times i wasn't (GF person, the guy who wound up being a drug addict and i didn't know until a year later). love sometimes clouds judgement.
many quirks and bumps just naturally *won't* be exposed until further in the relationship, be it friendship or more. i think what i meant was the "first impression" masks. we all tend to put our best out there for first meetings. i always keep this in mind, and don't "judge" by that intially. other than my two examples, the people i've met from online have been consistent between computer and real life. sure, we'll get into more dirty, painful, or what-have-you conversations on the computer, but some things are less painful (or more easy) to type than say verbally. this didn't seem to mean that they were less of anything, or more, face to face.
if the friendship is meant to last, be it from online into real life, or just online, or just in real life/local, the quirks and bumps won't jarr the whole thing off.
and i don't know, to me i just don't see a difference. a friend is a REAL friend, to me, no matter where i meet them. i've been screwed over on both ends (online vs. real life), so i am careful on oth ends.
did that help or did i over-do it, lol!
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
start out easy.
if you're used to talking about (insert taboo or difficult or heady topic here) online, where it's sometimes or often easier to talk about harder things, don't just jump into that.
if you need to break ice, if you *do* encounter the moments of "....." initially, talk about how whoever's trip to wherever you are went. talk about what you'd like to do. when you're driving to wherever, the person who is local should take the person who is not on a scenic drive, point out places. before you know it, you're talking like you've known that person all along.
which, really, you have! 
i've had people come visit me here, and some of them opted to stay in hotels. others? i've let stay in my house. which seems "unsafe," but the forums i have come from (gaming/writing) people are very descriptive, so this bleeds over into IMs (some of you know, i can fill a whole IM box at a time). also, i've talked to them on the phone several times.
or, i'm just too trusting. but i never had a problem or felt uncomfortable. and, were it ever to happen that i was, i'd just rationally suggest that perhaps they stay elsewhere -- and most, i've found out, said they had extra money with them in case i decided to not allow them the luxury of sleeping on my couch.
but back to just initial meetings, those are a few suggestions to break the ice. just treat that person as though you bumped into them on campus or at work, and decided you wanted to go for coffee, or get together and hang out, so it's your first time "really being with them." i don't know, but i myself don't see it as being any different.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
I have met several people in the flesh (no pun intended).
Most experiences went wonderfully.
Actually the hardest situation with meeting a person was when I first Met Kevin. Frist, I had to drive from north ohio to louiosiana.... Now this in and of itself doesn't seem too difficult, but believe me it was. Going out of the house alone at that time was just a thing that was NOT DONE.
Well, all the way there I wondered what I was getting into. What was he like? What would he think of me when he saw me? As Kevin was extreemily ill at the time he could not get out to a safe place for us to meet so I was unsure about the entire situation.... add to all that the fact that it was almost midnight.
In the almost 4 years since that first night we have no been apart.
I have to admit that we have had our rough spots and a few cat and dog fights. But never nothing that couldn't be settled with me admitting I've got a thick head and he was of course right.
We have built a good life together. It is getting better all the time too.
To make matters even better.... My mom just loves Kevin....
Just my 2 cents worth....
Marc....
OH!!! And Kevin got 104 on his latest maths test at school.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hmm...
Yeah- I've met with some people from the net too. Sometimes, it can be really scary- but it's also an exciting experience at the same time. Lots of questions pop up like what does this person look like, is he the same person as I had met him on the net, whether he'd like me or not and others.
Sometimes, people often judge other people based on the way they look and talk and move, right? The more comfortable we are with their personality, the more we like 'em, I guess.
Sometimes, things really are a lot different when you meet a person in real life and on the net. But it's the same person still. I don't think it should be a problem. Most likely, if you guys are okay on the net, why not in real life?
"The worst way of missing someone is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them." To Stephen Tsang, wherever you are.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
|
 |
On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
|
|
|
I met someone....he was actually great, nice and friendly. It was afterwards that he turned nasty!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Steve
|
 |
Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
|
|
|
All of them visit this board, though most of them don't post very much, if at all.
All five are absolutely fabulous people - but I knew that even before I met them, because the MB and IM have given me the opportunity to know them just as well as 'real life' friends I have known for years. I don't see any difference. There are one or two people on this MB whom I have not (yet) met, but because we are in regular contact I know them as well as they know me. There are people here who know things about me that I would never tell people 'in real life'.
I am really thankful that I have been privileged to know these people - both those whom I have met 'in real life' and those whom I know virtually. They are all true friends and I love them all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
timmy
|
|
Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
|
|
|
This site is maintained by a "net friend". Megaman and I have never met. We will one day. We plan it. But time at present does not allow it, nor do finances.
But the entire complexity of what goes on behind the scenes comes form AIM chats between us, often late at night.
We met through two good friends of mine. Mr Cropper and Mr Jenkins.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Steve
|
|
Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
|
|
|
Now, talking of Mr Cropper and Mr Jenkins....
Well, you know what I think
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
OK, I am going to weigh in on this one. I have met several people from the net. Three that I met romantically became my boyfriends for a time. I have found (I know this does not square with the rest of the opinions here) that I get to know more about a person inside than I ever would in person in that same amount of time. We go through dating and find out very slowly about the person inside. That is what really makes a strong relationship. Looks are fleeting but the beauty inside is what I fall for.
I have met friends from here as well. They are as good or better friends now than before. We are really dancing around a particular issue when it comes to meeting. When we meet romantically we have a physical description that might or might not be accurate. That seems to me to be superficial in some way.
I believe we get to know a person even better in the ways that really count. Of course we don't know the wole person from commuication, but then we don't know the whole person when we meet in person either. We know exactly, and not one bit more, than the person wants to show us. I think people are more open on the net in some ways, more than they might otherwise be in person.
Just last night I wrote a short note to a person I got to know a while back. He is a beautiful human being on the inside. He sent me a picture for the first time yesterday, though we have talked for quite a while. He is even cuter than I imagined. But that's not what i fell for, I fell for the beauty inside. That you cannot change with makeup. I hope he knows how wonderful he is. And if by some miracle you are reading this (you know sho you are) then I want to say how much I care for you. And in a real sense I love him. Not like I would if we met and dated, but I still feel strongly for him. I don't think he understands that totally, but it's true.
So put true self out there, what have you got to lose?
You have everything to gain, take a risk and be yourself.
May each of you find the love your looking for,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's not an abstract concept. The textual messages that one receives have to be typed, right? They don't just create themselves. I'd say that conversing via the internet is merely another medium for a relationship and not a separate entity alltogether.
Therefore, I would agree with your supposition that there is no difference between the internet and the "real world" because they are very much one and the same.
The only true difference is that one has an opportunity to - usually - CAREFULLY think about and plan what he or she is going to say on the web. In that sense it tends to be a more rational place than your concept of "the real world."
But that's just my opinion, which may change in the next half hour after I've given this more thought. Anyway, catch you later.
viðrar vel til loftárása
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
marc
|
|
Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
|
|
|
Perhaps not fake..... it exists therefore it must "be".....
It is the sense of security, annonimity, openness that people can interact with on the internet.
With the exception of the words as they are read, there is no way of judging the writers mood.
It is that lack of emotion in the written word that is sometimes lacking.
I say sometimes because often posts are made that are well thought out and with an abundance of colorful language that allow the reader to touch the emotions of the author..... One individual that comes to mind is our friend Lenny with his little vignets (the bumble bee day comes to mind) of life in his home town. You would think you were right there with him.
Correct the internet is for the most part in the real world, but it doesn't always turn out that way.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Guest
|
|
On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
|
|
|
Yet, they are words only typed that transport you. Words -- whether typed, spoken or given in a visual language can sting, harm, destroy, enlighten, make happy. Emotions can be brought about by the typed word. Read a book and be transported to that place the authour takes you. You end up riding the waves the authour creates simply with the written word.
The same is true of the net.
|
|
|
|
|
Goto Forum:
|
] 
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
Mornin' Marc 
and I'd never try to talk to you like I was an equal person. The internet takes away all the outer stuff and lets you see me..all the frustrations, all the confusion, all the questions and maybe helps you see that kids are kinda nice. 
WOW what a question, and one of my own. 
Re: Another twist..... 
Re: Mornin' Marc 
