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I stopped coming here because I thought it would make someone else happy. It doesn't make me happy though. I keep telling myself that I still have the friends I've made here outside of the board. They are great, I love them, and they've been very supportive however I miss everyone else too!
Anyhow my question is Do you think it's right to "leave" something because you think it will make someone else "happy"?
Danielle
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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I don't think anyone should ever leave because one person would be happier if they were gone, unless that one person is Timmy. Though a remote possibility, it is Timmy's house after all.
Besides that, be happy.
Kevin 
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Glad to know I'm welcome "in your tub" hehe:P
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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instead of making a new thread I thought I'd just stick this in here...
I finally got back my paper that I made a post and had you all answer a few questions....WOO HOO I got an A (I didn't miss any points,and my prof loved my idea and supported my opinions), thanks for your Help guys!!!! ;-D
Do any of you remember the show "Life Goes On?" do you remember "Corky" or Chris Burke? I do, on Wed night at BG Chris was there and I got to go. It was pretty cool. Chris has Down syndrome and has overcome so much, it was neat to hear him speak and then him and 2 other guys sang some songs including, *Obla-di, Obla-da*, life goes on ra la da da da life goes on....it was fun!
Then just when I thought my night couldn't get any better, or more interesting it did...I was walking to my car and I came across a candle light vigil on the steps of the Education Building. My friend that was with me was like, "oh I forgot about that", I was like "forgot about what?" She said, "it's a candle light vigil agaist hate crimes, especially those against gays." I then walked over and there was a guy there reading a poem. It was an awesome poem, it brought tears to my eyes!!! The vigil then walked to paint our school rock, I wish I'd have known I would have worn the proper attire, I've seen people after they have painted teh rock, it's quite messy. If I get a chance I'll go take pics before I go to class today!
Have a great day all 
((((HUGS in da tub))))
Danielle
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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Hey- sorry if this one's a little late!
Hi RD! (that's short for rubber ducky) ;-D
Nice to meet you!
Well... I guess...
If that someone else bein' happy makes you happy, then leave it.
Otherwise, don't.
Everyone has the right to be happy. ;-D;-D;-D
I've left Stephen 'cause he's happy with his GF.
Though it doesn't make me happy, at least... he's happy.
When he's happy, I'm happy- or at least I'll try to be!
"The worst way of missing someone is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them." To Stephen Tsang, wherever you are.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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It's simple, really.
A place like this is about your needs. Not about other people's needs. It doesn't matter who you are nor who the other people are. All that matters is that, here, you coexist in peace and deal with your own issuse and try to help others with their issues.
It's not a place, not really. It's just a messageboard.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Its more than just a message board Timmy,a whole lot more!!!!!..rob
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Timmy, it is more than a message board. It was my home, some place that I could come to for guidence and what ever, but it isn't anymore. This place was something special to me, and it's gone now. I'm only writing this cause I've been drinking, but seems thats the only time I can be me anymore.
Brian
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Brian,its time to put the cork back in the bottle,sit down and respond with the reasons that you are unhappy.Thats why we are here,and WE are here for you--believe it or not!!!!!..WE are a varied mix of people-most are pretty decent and are willing to help but you have to take the first step by speaking of what is bothering you..That booze your abusing will not stop the pain,and I am speaking from my own life.....rob
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You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. The same is true of leading people to wisdom and making them think. Can't be done. True thought, encompassing consequences, benefits and penalties of a given action, requires conscious effort.
You've asked us to think, Ducky, but you're mostly getting back feelings. Which is a good thing as well. But in your question I sense a deeper meaning, a deeper question and a deeper truth.
Yet, I cannot make you think. So in leading you to this water, I'm forced to make certain statements up front.
First, you cannot make another person happy by your presence. That person may or may not be happy because you are present, because you share common ties and interests and emotions, but merely showing up isn't the cause. A parent will by happy about you wheter you are there or not.
Second, when someone is made upset by your presence, it does not mean that they just aren't used to you yet, or that they will come around. Sometimes people just don't get along or don't feel an attraction. It's human nature and you cannot fight it or simply wish it away by force of will alone. Another person will not change because you want him to. anyone who believes they can change another person to suit their own desires is in for an uphill battle and has probably seen too many romantic sit-coms.
Third, Intentions and reality are often going in opposite directions. And to be honest, in this case, it seems to be just that way. You are certainly welcome to come here, post thoughts, talk with friends and all that good stuff. But the reality is that in reality is where you are probably straying. We don't judge here. We don't pester and cajole here, either. Perhaps that is a thought to take into this "unhappy" situation you share with another.
I once got very down to basics here. I stayed out of the political stuff and the anger between other posters and I even tried to mediate it, to help cool things down. I hope that I haven't offended in the past about this. But Brian is my friend, and he tells me things. And while I may not want to take drastic actions myself....it may be upon me.
Ducky, the water is before you. Drink if you choose. Don't drink if you must. But I implore you to consider that being here is not the problem. It's another facet of things that is the problem. This place where we all meet and talk is common ground. But it is another ground that you should turn your attention to in this matter. Live and let live, and let him be. If he's missing out, that's his choice, now isn't it. And just as with you, you can't lead him to water and expect him to drink as well.
So, now that I've lead you to water, I take a drink myself and make this statement. I am not against you being here, far from it, but let sleeping dogs lie. Let go of what isn't even there. If this isnt' the place of safety that I fought and thought and wrote so hard to help save when Timmy was going to drop the axe on it....then, well, perhaps my time here is done also. Brian no longer feels that this is a place he can be himself at. I wonder if any of us in his shoes would feel the same.
So, that's all I have to say. If anyone has comments on this, feel free to post them, but I don't know if I'll be here to reply to them. I know that my friends here may not understand this harsh decision, but I am Brian's friend, and I stand with him.
Timmy, sorry if this upsets you. I don't mean to cause trouble, but something needed to be said in Brian's defense. And while I have many friends here, and many good times and a lot of people I'll miss, I couldn't let Brian be miserable alone. Hehehe, I guess it's just a case of misery loving company, LOL. I hope you don't take it personally. I still have a great deal of respect for you too, Mate.
All my best, everyone. I'm drinking deep, and I'll just have to see how the water tastes while I make my decision. Peace, my brothers. Keep on Dreaming.
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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You have a perception of yourself and a perception of this as a place. You have decided that you can't come any more for guidance for whatever your own reasons are. That's ok, if those reasons are real.
And yet this "place" is a myth. It is nowhere. It has no characteristics of its own except those each person gives to it in his or her head. It is an illusion, purely and simply.
Usually it's a good illusion. People use it for a sounding board about their own personal crap. They get replies, too. Usually good ones. people talk about their happiness and sadness here. And others see and learn and understand.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy, you say this "place" is an illusion. That may be true in many ways.
But the true power of your statement:
"people talk about their happiness and sadness here. And others see and learn and understand"
isn't fully realized in some ways.
For some it is a real place to find those things. I think that in some ways this is the only "place" where some of us are able to find answers or acceptance.
I thank you once again for that, and for this place. ;-D
Hugs,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Where some people can find answers or acceptance.....
Then these people seriously need to get out a bit more.....
Calus it may seem, but the only to break free of the bonds is to do just that.....
It's always good to have a place to come for advice or succor, but tpo think that this board is the end all to all interaction is definately detramental.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Marc,dear friend,I mean no offense in mentioning this,but rent a wheelchair for a day and spend 24 hours in same and one may get a pretty good idea of whats it like to be a prisoner of ones fears..Life can be very scarey to some people.many,swimming in the soup of life need an island to come to just to get a bit of rest and comfort.Sitting on a high branch while the hounds of life slink away..Timmys place is like that tree branch,safe and secure,though hoping that the branch doesnt break....rob
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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And to think of this place as an island for rest and comforting is indeed a good thing (as I mentioned in the previous poss)....
But to think of this place as more.... As in fact the only place for relief is definately not a good thing....
I know about being a self imposed prisoner and I also know where the hounds slink and wait it's prey....
But I also know that there are more things out in the world that lend a helping hand, give a kind word, or just slide over so you can share the bench and rest a while.... Barriers in this day and age are not nearly as insurmountable as in years past. All that is needed is the willingness to do it and "it" can be done... Whatever "it"is.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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i certainly disagree with your charactorization of my feelings on the subject. "end all to all interaction" are your words not mine.
but think that if you must.
hugs,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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I'm not sure what you mean. If Brian wants me to go I'll go. I want him to be happy, he was here first and he deserves happiness. Brian I mean it if you ask me to leave I will. I guess I'd just like a chance to say a proper goodbye. The ball's in your court.
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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I'm not so sure I understand what you mean, it's late and I'm tired! IF Brian want's me gone all he has to do is say so. I asked him about it and he basically told me it was too late that it was because of me he had lost so much. I feel horrible but the worst part is I don't know what I did or what he's lost exactly. I don't want to leave but if that's how things need to be I'll go. I don't want to be the cause of people leaving :'-( I'm not worth other people leaving, really I'm not!!!!!
This seems crazy! Just a few hours ago I helped Brian do some work at the store. I thought we had fun, now I'm afraid he was miserable. I know I've been smothering him, I'm doing my damdest to back off. There is more to life than one friend, I know that and I'm reconnecting with many friends I haven't talked to in some time. Is there really anything wrong with wanting to help a friend though???? That's how I feel but at the same time I know it's hard to help a friend if they don't wnat your help, even though from the outside looking in you can see a bigger picture or at least a different perspective than that of the person having a rough time.
"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world!"
"Some people love you and some hate you.. those who hate don't know what they're missing and they're missing out!"
"Never underestimate your power to change yo
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What do you think? 
Re: What do you think? 
Thanks rob! 
Re: Thanks rob! 
An old addadge goes...... 
Re: You know that is not right in the smallest degree 