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Kids make messes. Adults make bigger messes.
And I guess that applies here.
Wednesday was exactly a year to the day that I came out to Conor, my supposed "knight in shining armor", the apple of my eye. And I found that not only did the apple have a worm in it, but it was also very rotten.
I guess I would've posted how I felt, but you people were busy bickering.
I hope you "adults" get your act together soon. Then again, it seems like there's no one left here. Many people have gotten up and left. Now tell me why I shouldn't.
I'm so sorry it had to come to this, Timmy. I never would have imagined that this group, which once was my safe haven, would have turned into this. You've done so much for me, and all of us. I'm eternally greatful that you ignited a spark in me that now allows me to actually be me. Thank you. For everything.
-Tom
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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reading this hurt me, and made me realise that upping and leaving isn't going to solve anything. i just needed to get my head back in gear after things that stung me, that shouldn't have. i thought leaving would help, but i'm still peeking and reading. really, i'm only a lot of talk and not much else.
tom, i'm sorry your apple was rotten, and that you couldn't let that out here for comfort. but you just did, and so here's some. there are many apples. many, many bins of apples that are fresher than you could ever dream of them tasting. ridding the rotten apple from YOUR bin will not allow the rest of your bunch to spoil.
i hope you'll be alright. and everything else here aside, this is a good place, it CAN be comforting. i don't know what i would have done with the issues i have, anywhere else. there are no other boards for people who think they're transgender/the wrong gender ... no where else understands. i've made the BEST friends here. try as i might, i can't break away from it, even when it hurts. for better for worse, the good with the bad.
hugs for you,
h.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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That wasn't my intent, Heathyr, and I'm sorry. I guess I was just letting off some steam, too, since I'm upset this place I used to call home has become...well, this way. But I'm sure as hell glad to have you back.  )
And thank you for your kind words, as well. Thankfully, time has healed some of the wound, and probably will continue to do so. It's a little tougher on me recently because about a month ago, I had to change my schedule, and Conor's now in my physics class. Now I see him everyday, when I used to see him once every few days.
But hey, I think to myself sometimes, it could be a lot worse. I'm still pretty happy and I have the greatest friends in the world. So it can't be all that bad, right?
I just wish this place could go back to the way it was when I first found it, y'know? :-/
-Tom
"Whatever is sought for can be caught, you know,
whatever is neglected slips away."
Oedipus Rex, lines 126-127
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I know there has been a lot of bickering. This place has changed. There are a lot more people from a ery diverse universe here than there were before. While we can all hope that we will get along, it seems that is an impossible dream. However, if you truly believe your signature that "Whatever is sought can be caught... whatever is neglected slips away." then don't neglect us. To "catch" a place where you can feel free to express yourself, you must continue to express. "Neglect" those threads with all the bickering and they will "slip away." I don't see as much bickering here as I used to because I refuse to follow the threads where it is present. If I don't see it, it hasn't ahppened. I know that's not quite true, but it makes this place feel much more comfortable and I can continue to call it home.
Think good thoughts,
e
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You're right, adults DO make bigger messes. Kids pick fistfights with one another, grownups tosses bombs.
However, that doesn't change the fact when it really counts, we're there for you buddy. Except, we CAN'T, not unless you are too! You understand what I'm sayin'...? 
No getting up and leaving, you hear? 
We luv ya, and we care. You know that. Now c'mere you silly boy... Talk to us okies?
Hugs:
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Your message, personal and difficult, is timely.
I am not sure Conor was the wormy apple or whether your hopes were the challenge. And frankly I am unsiber and can;t judge.
But in either case you have friends to bolster you.
None of them seem to be going. Maybe some of them will slip away quietly from the limelight, but you will not lose them.
It is up to all of us to make this place what it should be. Abandoning ship does not create a liferaft of itself.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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oh no no, don't be sorry! i meant hurt not in a negative way -- more like, "ouch, while we're all being this way (since i jumped in on this last stint and let my temper go too), someone's out there hurting," not in a bad way as in what YOU said hurt me.
just wanted to clarify.
i know how rough it can be, or make things, to still have to be in some kind of contact with the person. salt bits in a wound, huh? i hope that you could come out here and vent or reach out if you have to, until things heal.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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the ship needs navigators, and not everyone can navigate all the time, so people can't leave and make it run effectively. especially for people like tom here.
besides. i couldn't leave this place if i tried. obviously! 
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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No talk of leaving.....NoNoNo ! We're too smart to walk away from a place that has made us stronger. You won't always like everyone; everyone won't always like you....fact of life. But, the people that you've learned from and who have supported you are here....your friends are here.
"I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
...It's not easy being me"
{{{hugs}}} smith :-*
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I'm glad you're here, friend Tom. It doesn't seem like a year since the Conor fiasco...but you ARE stronger since then, I agree with you.
I also agree that we need not leave this place, even if sometimes we take a break once in a while. I do what "e" does...I just don't read things if I know they're gonna get me bummed out. It helps a lot.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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And the album title, too...I have wanted to get it for a while now, and don't know where to find it. Thanks!
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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A few minutes of googling led me to believe the song is titled "Superman" and the band is "Five For Fighting" and the album "America Town". If I'm wrong, I'm sure someone wiser can correct me
Setras
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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You're right
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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your post is one of the most heart-wrenching that I've ever heard...
I don't know what to say really... :-[ :-[
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Tommy is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He had a really rough time but he knows, in his heart, that his friends are all here for him.
ps.....he has THE most beautiful smile
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You know what? we do make messes. Adults and kids alike. Huge, nasty, drippy, dribbling, spilling onto the carpet, thick and sludgy, gooey, putred, dark, staining, stinking, foul abhorent messes.
Call it human nature. We spread like a diseas and infect the things around us with our own impression of what is, despite what may already be.
But, live and learn, and figure out how not to make those messes, and (better yet) how to clean them up so that the neighbors ignore it. Not an easy lesson to learn, but an essential one.
So take a little word to the wise from this old dog, Tommy. Don't let a lot of things that happen here stick to you and stain you. Let the harsh bits bounce and slide off your back like rain off a duck. In time, the sharp tongues, hot tempers and hurtful words do settle out and the reasons we all came here in the first place shine through.
Besides, we all need to see your hope and optimism as much as you need to seek council from the aged masters. The two aspects of this place feed each other. There is purpose and hope in that.
cya on the other side,
D'Artagnon
Come howl with me, under the autumn moon.
Come, sit my son, my nephew, my pupil, my friend, and let your soul find not only rest and solace, but a time to vent, to let out the beast within.
Come and be my mirror to when I was young. Let me be a mirror to your maturity's proof. And between the reflections we both will percieve a moment of unqualified truth.
Come, noble youth, stay a moment by venerated presence and let both sing out, cry out, exchange words and thought and hope and sorrow, and let mother moon ease us all with her light, her gaze and her tallow.
Come howl with me, come take your place and howl.
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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That is the point so many miss.
It is our job to make things run smoothly. A mutual job. Each of us has personal responsibility to behave well, even, and this is important, even if someone else is behaving badly.
Telling a jerk that he is a jerk causes war.
Ignoring the jerk is useful. Deprive a fire of fuel and oxygen and it goes out. Most jerks love reactions. So no reaction is the best reaction.
Handling the jerk as thoiugh the jerk element was not present is useful too. But requires great restraint.
It's down to each one of us.
Additionally, every time we have a blow up there is always someone who manages to pour fuel back on the embers just as it all finishes. These people always appear to be taking a leak on the embers, but they leak gasoline. And it all flares up again. This has to be a purposeful act. No right thinking perosn would do it.
Other people love the grand gesture. Operatic Prima Donnas, they make grand declarations. Obvuously they expect us to respect their greater wisdom and bow to their wishes. Except it just isn't going to happen. No-one reacts well to a grand declaration.
It's the small things that create safety here. Small things too numerous to mention. But, looking around, it seems to me that "insecure kids" are a great deal less "shoot from the hip" than "insecure adults".
Even so there are kids and adults who have passed through here where they have found that this place does nto help them. And that's OK. We cannot help them all. This messageboard is not the universal aspirin. IT works for those for whom it works.
So, it's back to our job.
It's almost like "Do not shit in your own bed" really, isn't it? But it goes further than that. If someone else does it, just pick up and flush quietly.
No politics. Just quiet humanity. As for cliques, well the only one I want here has everyone in it. Everyone or no-one.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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No Message Body
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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tom
i am new to this site and have seen some of the bickering that you talked about. but i am so glad that i found this place. it has helped me to realize that i am not alone in this world. i choose to read only the post that are happy and friendly and not the other ones. like timmy said if we don't respond they will give up posting those things.
i don't know many people here yet but the ones i have talked with have been great.
tony;-)
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Your right of course Tommy. But I still hold out hope for us that we can truely be the people we always wished we were.
You are part of the safety. Many friends here are.
You have come so far over the last year. Hopefully the rest of us can catch up.
I'm proud of ya buddy.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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robert bryce
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Really getting into it |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 414
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Nice post,but how can some *party on dudes* when there are people out there that are trying to kill us??????...............I can see someone like fred phelps saying something crude like that maybe even falwell or pat robertson or even GW BUSH but not decent folks here on this board...Lets party on dudes while our brothers and sisters are being murdered.......rob......
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My mantra from Timmy...
"Telling a jerk that he is a jerk causes war.
Ignoring the jerk is useful. Deprive a fire of fuel and oxygen and it goes out. Most jerks love reactions. So no reaction is the best reaction.
Handling the jerk as thoiugh the jerk element was not present is useful too. But requires great restraint."
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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We can either be depressed in proper solemnity, or we can smile and try to make the most of life.
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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For a reminder and a lesson.
David, Sinner (hehe) you two are awsome.
Love and hugs to both of you,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Thanks.
BTW, " Syytön" means: "Not Guilty"
Syntinen means: "Sinner"
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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My bad!
hehe
Sorry bout that,
You are now free of guilt ... ;-D ::-) er I mean not guilty.
Have a great day tomorrow,
And sweet dreams tonight,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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I'm not a preist, but I was felt up by one when I was a boy.
True story.
Kevin
P.S. As I look back on it now I actually find it a little funny, maybe I will tell you why someday.
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Maybe... LOL
You said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the Lord came and asked you to meet
You went to a better place but He stole you away from me
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There you have it, Tom. You've learned a lesson which we older folks so easily forget, and need those of your generation to keep us reminded of.
Please don't allow a small handful to prevent you from doing what is good not only for you but for the vast majority of those here. Whenever you have something on your mind that you want to get off your chest, then post it. As you yourself have acknowledged, it has done you good; and at the same time, has done the rest of us good (and will, in spite of everything else, continue to do so).
This goes for the rest of you "whipper-snappers" as well!
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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Hey Tommy-boi... 
Hiya Tommy 
The sun will rise 
Advice from the big bad Wulf 
I'm gonna read this message every week or 2...as a reminder 
Re: A lesson I've learned while bussing tables 
Whoops !!! 
