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there needs to be a  face for the post title icons.
anyways, i visited my nana who went into the hospital a few days ago due to chest pains and vomiting. it turns out she had 2 silent heart attacks, as well as having pneumonia.
i was there for an hour today, and i've been home for like .. i don't know how many? i went at like noon and came back a bit after 1pm.
it's quarter to four, and i have a 101 temp. it's 22 degrees outside. i do not own a winter coat (so i suppose i can't blame it ALL on the fact that they are suppressing my immune system so it'll stop attacking my intestines all to hell) as of yet, so i wear this army green wool duster thing, with a purple scarf. it has a hood, i wear that too. okay, so maybe i CAN blame it on the therapy. either way i'm cold and hot and cold again, and can't hold any food down (though that is a plus), and i feel SUPER whipped as i did 60 minutes on my cardio machine this morning at like 9 am. wtf.
and also, being on immuno-supressant therapy, i was told by four doctors and a nurse, and a nurse *practitioner* that a flu shot would be useless for me. the drugs would just null it out.
i'm reminded why i hate my stomach disease and why i hate small town doctors who won't try new things, like the drugs that the ACTUAL CCFA website has said are FDA approved and working. for those of us who, while immuno-supressant therapy is the only thing that works for us, should NOT be on it. it is a "tier 5" drug, meaning the strongest you can put a person on. except i've done my research, and thanks to my anatomy/physiology class, i've done ... more. they can't fool me anymore, i know how the body works, i'm not getting a 99 in that class for no reason.
so along those lines, i was told (while i sat there and laughed after i was told) that i should not ever get pregnant again, because we will never know when my stomach will flare up again, yadda, could be bad for the baby being put on the mass amount of drugs i have to go on when one occurs, plus the whole fact that crohn's = severe malnutrition, and that would be bad for a fetus.
so i'm getting a tubal ligation during my winter break. the longest i'd be in-patient is like .. overnight, IF that. it's very quick, and after having a 10 inch incision down my entire abdomen, through the muscles all the way down into like, my abdominal cavity ... after having 3453825 feet of intestines spread out over my torso like i was a table, i think that a 2 inch cut to cauterise my useless fallopian tubes will be cake.
then i can get off the pill, which is one less daily pill to take. funny is that i report all this as though i have a sex life. they don't make sex lives for girls who wish with all their might that they were male, because they have issues with male/female sex, female/female sex, and the one thing they find both erotic and beautiful and ... yummy, they can't have.
it's a strange day, oh my brothers. (a clockwork orange reference.) forgive my sour-toned mood, i get pissy and moody when i'm sick and i have no one to take care of me, or hold me without caring that they might get sick, too. and everyone (or anyone, or one person) who would, is too far away. i haven't ever felt as lonely as i do today.
'tis time for nyquil! everyone stay WARM, if it's freezing wintery cold where you are, make sure you wear scarves or a hat. it's important to keep your ears and neck covered. best bet is to put the scarf or jacket collar up over your mouth. it's better for your lungs if you are breathing in *warm* air, both comfort-wise and health-wise.
now! if i am silent/non-existent for a day or four it's because i'm burrowed under blankets feeling sorry for myself, like the pathetic creature that i am. i'll snap out of it. i always do. 
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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Stay safe and sip nice hot tea with honey (Akacia honey's supposed to be GREAT if you're sick, though its taste is kinda bitter).
Take care and get well quick please! 
{{{huuugs}}}
-L
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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