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Eothain
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Likes it here |
Location: Rohan!
Registered: April 2004
Messages: 108
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... get the urge to just shout of your sexuality or something along those lines or just do something deliberate or risky in the hope someone finds out? I mean, I sometimes get the urge to tell everyone at school and admit it. In a similar sense, at school a few weeks back, I was watching the Viðrar vel til loftárása at school on the school comptuers during my free period, and at the end of periods, generally people would walk through where I was studying while watching that video and I would pause and minimize it, but after a while, I began to leave it running (except during the kiss of course) and, as strange as it might seem, I sort of felt that I wanted someone to catch me watching this video involving two boys engaging in quasi-homosexual acts and my true sexuality with it. The year 7s have asked me a couple of times if I'm gay and in both cases I've denied it, because it may change the way they think of me (like "omg, he's gay. Let's stay away from him or he'll rape us!") but also because I'm scared of admitting it myself, I don't want to admit it to myself and certainly not to others (though one year 7 actually thinks I am gay based on the way I dress (usually consisting of shirts and jeans), the way I act, essentailly just the way I am), but I kinda almost slightly deep down want to be caught doing something that would reveal my sexuality (and I don't mean any acts with boys or anything, just like being caught on this site maybe (if the school computers didn't block it) or watching the aforementioned vide).
So I'm wondering, does anyone else feel the same way as me? Is anyone else the same way? I dunno what brought this up, I was just thinking, I guess...
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I'm a 17 year old ( same age as you i think ) and i get those urges all the time. When i mean all the time i mean all the time. Sometimes i wish to explode and just be who i am. However, there is a difference, most of my close friends do know about my sexuality and ALL are ok with it. I have yet to recieve any negatice feedback because of my sexuality. I'm glad they are this way otherwise everything would be so much different. When i get the urge to just scream out my sexuality is when the subject gets brought up in class or among a group of people. Their idea of what i means/feels to be gay is so off course i wish to just scream out and tell them what most of us teenagers (gay ) need to go through everyday. They have no idea how their stupid comments can hurt someone. You are not alone! In a way we do go through the same thing, with different situation of course.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Yes. And when it becomes important enough then I do tell people.
However, beware fixing your expectations of life by a label. Say "I am gay" and some people immediately wonder where you left your pink angora sweater and tight leather trousers. So announce yourself with care for two sets of people: Yourself, first and foremost, and those around you who will discover the new you.
Coming out is not really a huge announcement. It usually goes well, however, because most people frankly do not care
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I second what timmy said.
When it becomes important, i do tell people too. Most of the people i told was because i found in them a sense of trust and i also wanted to give an opportunity to understand my troubles. Anybody else, honestly, has no business in knowing and it can stay the way it is, them not knowing. Despite your sexuality you are who you are no matter what, don't let it define your character. Remember it is just a label, you don't have to act "gay" or however people view gays. All you are required to be is "YOU".
So far it has worked for me.
It is true, most people really don't care and will be ok with you because they look at the person, not whether you sleep with guys or not.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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trick
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Getting started |
Location: uk
Registered: September 2004
Messages: 24
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yeah i feel like shouting it every day partly because
75% of the worlds homophobes seem to live on my doorstep
& their ignorance really winds me up. & partly because i feel isolated as i don't know any other gay men in the area.
its been a while since i came out to you guys but im sill trying to build up the courage to tell my closest friends
then maybe i can be out & proud instead of just proud. dickle
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When i was in the closet at Whitworth, I went to a seminar on homosexuality given by the student life people...The director and her assistant, no less. I remember they talked around the the subject for awhile, and then the director asked her assistant straight out (so to speak) if he'd ever been attracted to any of his guy friends.
He stuttered for a moment, then came out with some lame answer about male bonding, yada yada. I had this terrible urge to say "Look, i appreciate your efforts here, but comparing straight male bonding to what i feel for men is like comparing a summer breeze to a typhoon. You don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about." I had to really bite my lip to keep from it.
so yeah, i've had the urge, back in the day when it was an issue. Now days, I'd just say it and not worry about it, but back then it would have been a disaster.
cheers!
AJ
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I am about as out as anyone can be..... but
I dont walk down the middle of main (high) street and tell everyone I pass that I am gay....
Now, to be fair, neither do straight people walk down the same street and proclaim that they are straight....
As for what can happen if the outness part of being gay goes wrong, well lets just say that I am intimatly aquainted with that scenierio.
Even in this well informed, generally accepting world you still have to be careful who you tell... especially at the first. True, most won't care and it will get stuck into thier non-issue file but we don't worry about "most" now do we? We worry about the one or two that will make ones life miserable in all its colorful aspects.
As for the year sevens, if they are asking you directly if you are Gay, then you can be sure you are a subject of conversation when you are not around and that conversation will spread. Sooner or later there is a very real possibility that the entire student body will make the gay determination for you and that bell is quite impossible to ring.
If you want to be out then you are traveling a road that will lead you there....
But, if you do not want to be out at this time than you should reconsider redirecting your friendship attachments to more (for lack of a better word) suitable peerage.
Now as for getting "caught" while online.... then don't go online when there is a chance of someone coming up on you to see. It is just that simple.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Eothain of Rohan, Child of the Riddermark wrote:
> ... get the urge to just shout of your sexuality or something along those lines or just do something deliberate or risky in the hope someone finds out?
<big snip>
> So I'm wondering, does anyone else feel the same way as me? Is anyone else the same way? I dunno what brought this up, I was just thinking, I guess...
This is my first post here. (I am 50, married w. 2 kids, and spending some time inside my head trying to sort feelings and experiences from way back when.) Hello.
One of the things that drew me in here (besides the stories) are timmy's words to the effect of disliking / avoiding labels. I think there is a good deal of wisdom in this.
(That is not to say that an individual who wishes to declare themselves a particular orientation is in any way wrong - it is their life, after all .)
If I were to offer advice to someone I cared about, it would be:
Think first, and act deliberately. Unless you want to be the subject of rumors and gossip, it's best to avoid creating situations for yourself that might cause them. Steer the events of your own life as best you can, because god knows there are plenty of events in life that you cannot.
Hope this is pertinent and helpful.
Dave
(who is glad to be able to be here to discuss these sorts of things with those who know about them intimately)
Where am I going? And why am I in this handbasket...?
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Welcome, Dave!
Yup, if you wanna talk about coming out issues and same gender attraction, you're definitely in the right place.
Good to have you with us.
cheers!
aj
"I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind/ I promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine/promise not to lie if i'm looking you right in your eye/promise not to try not to let you down."
--Eve6
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Yeah, i've often wished i could just be outed, sometimes i think it would just be so much easier than finding courage time and time again to tell people. But a few things i've learned,
-It gets easier over time,
-The more people you tell the more know (friends promise not to tell and a good friend won't but sometimes for one reason or another they pass it it on and people you never told will know.)
On many occasions i've felt like shouting "I'm gay!" at people, usualy for their stupid notions about gays or like when my mom says "so have you met any nice girls at the college?" on three occasions i've actualy shouted it out... only one of those occasions have i come to regret, and it's not because of anything that happened to me as a result but rather i unintentionaly outed someone else in the prosess.
Yesterday i had this long conversation in the cafeteria at school with a long time friend of mine (girl) about boys. we usualy meet up for lunch once a week just to touch base. Anyway, i was talking about this really hot guy i saw at school yesterday at a volume that wasn't overly loud but could be overheard if someone close tried. This girl sitting at the closest table to us turned suddenly and gave me a dirty look and i couldn't help myself i just burst out laughing. it was just the look of shock on her face. She turned around quickly, cleared her lunch and left. I'll probably never see her again, if i do i don't really care, i like to think i've given her something to think about but the truth is it probably didn't change her view of gays one tiny speck.
My point is, i had a good conversation with my friend, and although a year ago an event like that would have devistated me i'm really quite unbothed by all of this.
When you're first comming out tell the people you trust, tell one of them at a time and be cautious cus it's a fragile time. but later on when you've developed the support base, depending on the situation, you'll most likely find it easier.
Take care,
Pyro
Do what you love, changing the world is incidental.
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My dear Eothain.... I love that you are looking at this issue in your life... I have similarly asked myself this question, but with time and wisdom, I have settled on this...
Even though I felt at one time (when I first came out) that I wanted to tell the whole world, I only trusted two friends, who I happened to know as neighbors. They are a gay couple, and have been together for almost 30 years. David told me this: "Don't make it an issue in your life. No one else has the right to do so, so don't you allow them or yourself to make this an issue. Just be yourself."
Best advice I have had in a long time. I feel we want to scream out because it is bottled up in us. However, no one needs to know. It is none of their business !! Only yours. Being gay doesn't define who you are, it just happens to be that if you fall in love or are sexually attracted to someone, then odds are it will be someone who is the same sex as you.
Please just be you. Enjoy who you are... a beautiful young person who is walking through life like the rest of us, working out the details one day at a time.
You rock, and are a very very important person. Not a gay person, but a person who happens to be gay somewhere in your life. Just be you, and this world will be a much better place !!!!
Hugs and Warm Smiles !!!
BamBam ;-D 
Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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i can only second what timmy said, labels just don't work, you are who you are, but if you announce "i'm gay" people will always try and fit the "gay" stereotype around you, and i think i'm fairly safe in saying eothain, that that stereotype isn't you...
i know a lad i met at uni, he's gay, VERY openly gay, to the point where its always the first thing you know about him coz he introduces himself "hi, i'm gay, i'm cameron"... its kinda weird... he's famous for it round campus... lol
on another note, the one person, the one person i ever found the courage to say "i'm gay" to looked at me for a while, and he just kept looking me in the eye, then all over the rest of my face, and i got uncomfortable and thought where is this going, oh god, what have i done... and what he finally said was "are you sure? you damn well don't act it" (he was loking for any sign i might have been joking/lying) and its a fair point, i got voted straightest acting guy in the uni's LGBT society...
frm what i know, and have seen, a fair few peoples issues with gays comes from some of us forcing our sexuality into their faces, with gay pride parades and hanging flags in our windows and stuff like that. but most of us don't feel the need to do that, we don't need to make a major issue of it all the time.
i think as far as your concerned, the people who know you, and know you well, will either guess find out or you'll tell them, for everyone else, they don't really need to know anyway, and if they find out, its no big deal, because they do should eventually realise that you're no different because of it.
speaking for myself, recently i have caught myself doing stuff in attempts to out myself with some of my friends, i want them to know, and i'm sure they'll be comfortable with it, but i don't have the courage to tell them, and i'm not the kind of person who would make an announcment while we're having a meal or something... besides, i find it easier to say, "yes i am" if i'm asked, than just to come out and say it.
so err, basically, yeah, i try and out myself, but i think going around shouting it out is perhaps going a bit to far
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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