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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I was wondering if anyone else connects with any of these. Every so often they come back to make me wonder what type of a weird kid I was.
I'm not gay, it's just that I'm in love with one boy. I also look at boys, don't fancy girls, and get really excited when a cute boy is around me. TOngue tied, even. And I look out fo cute bioys. But I'm not gay.
Gay men disgust me. I know I want to do what they do, but I actually find the very idea repellent. I know I don't want to do anything with anyone I don't fancy myself.
Being gay is wrong. I know it's wrong. Every image I have of gay men is bad. My parents hate the idea of gay men. My schoolfriends discuss it and hate the idea.
Gay men are hated. I don't want to be hated. I'm just a normal boy. I don't deserve to be hated.
Maybe there's a cure. Yes, but that will change who I am. I can't risk it. I like everything about me except that I love another boy, want other boys.
There are so many more negative thoughts. I had them all. It was so lonely being me. But I started of saying "Weird". I wasn't weird. I was just me.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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yeah, i can connect with most of them, except thta whenn and where i was growing up this one
"Being gay is wrong. I know it's wrong. Every image I have of gay men is bad. My parents hate the idea of gay men. My schoolfriends discuss it and hate the idea"
wasn't such a big deal... it was more being gay is weird/funny type thing, but not necessarily wrong
and for me, i don;t think, when i was that age, i was in love with another boy, or anything like that, i mean, i could function around boys, i was just generally shy and reclusive around everyone. strange that my core group of friends ended up as being all girls, and the only boys were boyfriends of those girls... but noody ever guessed suspected or found out, my secret was safe, and for that i was profoundly glad
i can add one of my own thoughts to that list
I'm Scared
scared someone will find out my secret and expose me to the school, scared of not fitting in, scared of being even more alone. that only came later, once i'd kinda accepted that i really was gay/bi etc... but childhood can be a scary place if oyu think oyu're different or other people will think you're different if they knew...
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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I can empathise with what Timmy and the Black Prince said. Except with hindsight I could have come out at school (not that the expression existed then) and been fully accepted as well as getting on the 'circuit'. I seem to remember that my fellow gay pupils were fully accepted as part of society and it wasn't a big deal. It was whether you were a character or not and what kind that counted. Of course the other thing was that I never thought of myself as gay in those days, but looking back I obviously was.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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trick
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Getting started |
Location: uk
Registered: September 2004
Messages: 24
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yeah i can remember all those thoughts from back then
some of them still float through now and again.
i was in a relationship with the boy i loved for a
few years well not a relationship really it was just
sex according to him cos he was'nt gay (17-22 bit of a
long phase for experimenting).during and after that i went
into denial about being gay and acted like a total
homophobic moron for many years until curiosity brought me to this site and it all came rushing back more intense than
ever before and i've never felt so good still keeping the secret but not for much longer (i share a house with 2 homophobes but only for 9 more months).whoa there i've gone
off on a tangent again.dickle
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Other than the obvious bump in my teen road I thought that being gay was the best thing ever.
There was sex... LOTS OF SEX.... Sex every day I chose to indulge myself and with a plethora of willing participants (not a few of which enjoyed a good catch as well as a pitch).
Not gay yet love one boy... Now there is a waste... Especially when there are so many to love.... long, hard deep and repetedly. As for the eye candy.... Well now... the proof is in the pudding.
Gay men... Well there were lots and lots of them too. Some I chose to dally about with (I always chose, was never the chosen) but most were just friends. People I partied with and who partied with me.
Being gay???? Right or wrong???? Whatever.... One does not "be gay" either one is or he is not. As for the right or wrong of it.... Well that depends on whom you ask and which answers you choose to listen to.
Gay men being hated.... Well the bitchy ones are.... Just look at me... I am well hated... Just ask anyone...
A cure.... Well that is something I do know about... NO... there is no cure because it is not an illness. It is a gift...
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Glad To Be Gay - Tom Robinson Band
The British Police are the best in the world
I don't believe one of these stories I've heard
'Bout them raiding our pubs for no reason at all
Lining the customers up by the wall
Picking out people and knocking them down
Resisting arrest as they're kicked on the ground
Searching their houses and calling them queer
I don't believe that sort of thing happens here
Sing if you're glad to be gay
Sing if you're happy that way
Pictures of naked young women are fun
In Titbits and Playboy, page three of The Sun
There's no nudes in Gay News our last magazine
But they still find excuses to call it obscene
Read how disgusting we are in the press
The News of The World and the Sunday Express
Molesters of children, corruptors of youth
It's there in the paper, it must be the truth
Sing if you're glad to be gay
Sing if you're happy that way
Don't try to kid us that if you're discreet
You're perfectly safe as you walk down the street
You don't have to mince or make bitchy remarks
To get beaten unconscious and left in the dark
I had a friend who was gentle and short
Got lonely one evening and went for a walk
Queerbashers caught him and kicked in his teeth
He was only hospitalised for a week
Sing if you're glad to be gay
Sing if you're happy that way
So sit back and watch as they close all our clubs
Arrest us for meeting and raid all our pubs
Make sure your boyfriend's at least 21
So only your friends and your brothers get done
Lie to your workmates, lie to your folks
Put down the queens and tell anti-queer jokes
Gay Lib's ridiculous, join their laughter
'The buggers are legal now, what more are they after?'
Sing if you're glad to be gay
Sing if you're happy that way
[Updated on: Sun, 06 February 2005 00:08]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Re: Odd thoughts from my teens 
