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Eothain
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Likes it here |
Location: Rohan!
Registered: April 2004
Messages: 108
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Well, I have an interesting paradox and I thought you'd guys be the best of helping me solve it being wise and experienced and all that.
Anyway, the other day at school a year seven, can't remember who exactly, mentioned that another year 7 (whom I shall now refer too as Alex, as that's his name) has admitted to being gay and wanting another year 7 boy. Now, I don't know if this is true or not, as of course it's possible that this kid who I was talking too was just making up stuff to slag off Alex (like you do). However, if this was true, this would explain why he seems to be such a, no offense to him, but a loner. He doesn't seem to have many friends in his year. I noticed this so I made a point of saying hi to him whenever I'd see him. At first, he'd reply but only out of politeness, but after a while he would mean it more when he'd say hey back, it would be more like saying to something to you know or whatever. Another thing, even before this conversation, I did suspect that he might be gay. I do not know why exactly, just something that seems to be apparent. A year 10 I suspected was gay and it turned out it was, but by no means do I claim to be able to tell if anyone is gay or not.
So, it's half term now, so I won't see him for a while but for the real point of this thread, once I do go back to school and see him again, how would I find out the truth as to whether he's gay or not? My motivaion for this, you ask? Simply because, well, he's a lonely kid and if he does happen to be gay, then that's more emmotional pressure on him and he'd be likely to be more emotionally fragil. And if this is true, in a way, I can relate to Alex. Though in year 7 I didn't know of my sexual desires (not really having any, after all), I still know what it's like for him, and because of that I'd like to be there for him for support and for understanding, for this kid who seems to be all alone and that made all the more worse if he's confused about his sexuality.
Of course, if he's really straight then... Well, I don't know. Sort of shoves a spanner in the engine, that. Still, even if he is, I'd still offer my support as a friend if he wants it, as it doesn't detract from the fact that he seems like a lonely kid.
So, any help?
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Well the only way to know is to ask. You could bring up that you heard the rumor, but make it really clear that it's all okay with you.
In Pride,
--Hinch
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
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You have to be wise here. I know we have dealt with this before, but the age difference between you and him coukd so easily be seen as very awkward here.
Wisdom suggests that you talk to himn quietly and say that you have heard a tale about him. And that oyu want him to know that it desnlt matter to oyu whether that tale is true or untrue, that you know how awakward such thungs are, and that your attitude to him will not change either way.
If he knows you value his friendship, remind him that you value it. And make sure he understands that you will be a dependable "rock" for him, if he needs one.
However this gets very much more complicated if you actually desire him, and I need to remind you, not because I am reminding you yourself, but because I am reminding all of us here, that a realtionship that turns sexual between one over and one under the age of consent is unlawful and treated very seriously by the authorities. And yes I know that is not in your mind at present. I am looking at the motives that others would put into your mind.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13783
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This age thing.
I know you know I understand. Equally you have often been taken to task over it. I just want to say that a mentor who is older, as you are, who has no self interested motives except to be a good mentor, is a marvellous thing for any 12 year old lad to have.
Those who have acheived this find a bond that lasts as long as the "mentee" needs it. And they find it easy to allow the younger perosn to go on his way through life richer for having had a good friend.
There are those who abuse it. They spoil it ofr the rest of us. It is easy to be accused of this simply because you are older. It's happened to you, here. It's happened to me. It has happened to others and will always happen as long as men have penises. It is far easier to be a mento if you are female  Oddl;y women are never accused of sexual impropriety. The world is unfair.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Yeah, ironically enough though it is the discrimination of women that allows for them to be in a mentor role without being demonised. If women's sexuality was actually thought of as valid and if women were thought of as the sexual beings they are rather than being repressed they would be just as threatening, perhaps, working with children. Or perhaps if women achieved more equality (there is still a long way to go) then sexuality in general would become less taboo and there would be less to "protect" children from.
My advice to you Hugh, is to not get attached to any of the young boys you mentor, though. I've found boys to be quite fickle from when I was teaching in Japan. Give too much of your heart to one and chances are they will play with it for a bit, then get bored and move on to a new toy. And when I say heart, yes, I am talking about love, but not the kind of love that a person gets married over.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Eothain
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Likes it here |
Location: Rohan!
Registered: April 2004
Messages: 108
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Yeah, it sucks that women are portrayed as so innocent. They can do some pretty vicious things too, as the Moors Murders ages ago show (erilly, one of the victims looked like my best friend). They're just patronising! Seem to get on alright with the girls though.
And Shem, thanks for the advice. I think you're right about kids being fickle and playing with your heart. At least my experience with Alex (other Alex) shows this could be true, whom now things arn't quite so rosy with as they were before. Still, it's not like I give my heart out to many, I'm just friends with them.
Timmy, I'll bear in mind what you say. I'll try to show that I'll be a dependable rock for him, but what happens happens, I guess. This kid I've never actually mentored as such, and I haven't talked to him that much but we know each other. Would have appreciated having a mentor myself when I was 12. Ah well. You only get what you give, eh?
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