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Hi Brian,
>David, Im courious about the "I never quit managed to get ovcer the hurdle of feeling(nay, knowing)that im really unattractive....." Well ah who told you this, I need to have a talk with them. David, If yo actually believe this, then its the one time you have been absolutely wrong, wrong, wrong. Absolutely, possitively WRONG.
My apologies in advance for the tortuous sentence that follows.
Nobody told me that specifically (though I do remember when we were at school, people -- straight people, before you ask -- would sometimes play the "who would you rather have sex with?" game, and I never came terribly high up the list), but on the other hand, no-one (except Timmy -- and while I respect his opinion enormously, one swallow does not necessarily make a summer) has told me I am not unattractive (it's odd to ask boys if they find me attractive -- I don't know any gay people of my age in real life -- and I would find it embarrassing to ask a girl). So, mostly, all I can go on is what I think I look like in comparison to the people I find attractive; and I find myself wanting, generally.
Perhaps I shouldn't have put in the "nay, knowing" bit, as of course, it does not come up to my usual standards of logic. But I hoped that was fairly evident from the context (essentially, I meant "feeling very strongly").
Thank you, Brian, for telling me I'm not unattractive. I feel very flattered.
It's all coupled in with my self-esteem, I think, which is pretty low, even when I'm happy. That's why I'm a bit prone to depression. (Interestingly, this is the first February/March period for a number of years that I have not felt depressed -- I think this board, plus having much more work, suddenly, have been pretty instrumental in that.)
Deeej
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Deej you big, smart, nice guy you..,
I know enough about emotions & depression not to say what comes to mind quickly, which is, "You've got NO reason to say you're not attractive". I know a person who's been thru enough crap in their life CAN have reasons to feel & say such a thing as you've said...but in your case it is totally inaccurate..
I'm trying not to be so blunt about it .. but, Man! Deej you are fine as hell! Don't put yourself down, please. Many here think you are HOT! Face it, you're a sex symbol!! Get used to it.. hahaha (a little joking there..) but you are VERY good looking! And attractive in MANY ways!! Matter of fact your pic maybe one of the reasons people come here & hang around this board, just to look at you!! hahaha. You may laugh but I'd say it's true.
Risking appearing insincere with my openness & honesty: I love you in a outgoing and friendly way!.. I think you're quite handsome...See the email I sent you proving others also do too!
I know yelling at a depressed or down person only makes them feel worse, so I apologize for yelling here, if it sounds so.. We just want you to be happy & have proper self appraisal. You are attractive, good looking, friendly, smart, intelligent, studious, etc, etc. Man if you put yourself into the right situation..you could have people falling all over you, guys or girls..
It will take time, but I for one will do all I can to lift you up in this area. We all strive to become more well rounded & I know you do too. You can trust us to love you & lift you up to the best of our abilities. Thanks for being so open & honest about your feelings, dear brother!! You needn't feel too uneasy with those feelings though because they are quite common, yet must be fought against. you'll be fine.. We love you lots!! This only makes us love you more!!
I may've emailed this to you, but I tend to follow a friend's recommendation from a while back to keep it on the board. So I hope this doesn't offend the British sensibilities too much.
With appreciation for a really fine guy,
(((((((((((((((((((( huugggggggggggggggggg! )))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Ok, now you're stuck in your room because of that big head we gave you! Hope you're not late for a class because of it! HAHAHAHA! LOL!! ROTFLMBO!!!
your friend, Teddy 
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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That's interesting.
The word definitely appeared in both middle English and early modern English. I'm not sure what the Middle English Glossorial Database is, but have you tried the spelling "ye", instead?
Middle English
Chaucer, Canterbury Tales, The Canon's Yeoman's Prologue
lines 40-130: The Yeoman explains his master's craft
"Who, sire? My lord? Ye, ye, withouten lye,
He kan of murthe and eek of jolitee
Nat but ynough: also, sire, trusteth me,
And ye hym knewe as wel as do I,
(Ye == Yea)
http://www.librarius.com/canttran/yeotaletr/yeotale040-130.htm
The Sompnour's Tale, Prologue
"Yea, God amend defaultes, Sir," quoth she;
"Algates welcome be ye, by my fay."
"Grand mercy, Dame; that have I found alway.
http://www.online-literature.com/chaucer/canterbury/9/
Early Modern English
Shakespeare's Sonnet 40:
Take all my loves, my love, yea, take them all;
...
He that doth the ravens feed,
Yea, providently caters for the sparrow,
Be comfort to my age! - William Shakespeare
Adam, in As You Like It, act 2, sc. 3, l. 43-5. Calling on God’s help.
KJV:
Yea, hath God said, ye shall not eat of every tree in the garden? Genesis 3.
Let your communication be yea, yea; nay, nay. Matthew 5.
Therein I do rejoice; yea, and will rejoice. Philippians 1.
All the promises of God in him are yea, and in him are amen. 2 Corinthians 1.
etc.
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Sorry for the misspelling: I meant Glossarial.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13818
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let's be empirical for a moment.
You have a pleasing, open face. Unusual and fascinating hair coloiur, nice eyes, set pretty much at the correct hight for classical beauty. You have a good complexion, and your physique, while carrying a tad too much weight, is normal and healthy.
This says simply that you cannot be unattractive,
Being attractuve is a little different.
To be attractive to me may not make you attractive to (say) cossie, or to JFR or to Brian etc. Each of us has a different idea of what is attractive. In part it is what is behind the eyes, in part how you hold yourself, in part how you present yourself. These things and more stimuklate the release of the "phwoar!" chemicals.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yeah, Busy-ness & life tend to make old, bad feelings fade.. You'll be fine.. Your friend Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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David,
As someone who has also met you in real life, may I add to those who are saying that you should reassess yourself.
You are definitely not an unattractive guy!
Time to ditch that negative self-image!
Nick
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Yeah Deej,
I wish I had the English skill & talent timmy does to describe you as he did. Yet I do what I can In hope that it helps..!
I'm learning more & more that how we carry ourselves physically & verbally affects other's perception of us. Yeah, it's an act of sorts, but it at the same time reassures us, bolster's our self image & other's opinions of us!
Have a great day handsome guy!!
Your friend, TeddyB. (notice the shades I wear to hide my nervousness & embarrassment while talking to you!! I'm actually shy..)
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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timmy,
Honestly, I never knew what i wanted to do as you did. Perhaps another will answer with insight.
Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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Nick:
>Time to ditch that negative self-image!
I'm a natural pessimist. Generally, it seem to work -- if you expect the worst, either the worst happens (in which case at least you have the satisfaction of knowing you were right) or you are pleasantly surprised.
I think the answer is to forget about whether I'm attractive or not to myself, and just assume I'm in no position to judge.
A somewhat bigger problem is that I only know a few gay people of my age, and, without exception, they're hundreds or thousands of miles away. So there's not much prospect of having a relationship any time in the next half-dozen years.
Hmm. Time to work on that, I guess.
David
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Hi deej,
Ted wrote> don't mean offense at all but have been surprised at the lack of the English character I'd assumed existed when i was growing up..It could've just been a fantasy anyway.. don't know..
Deej replied> Where did you look for it? If you look at soap operas or tabloid newspapers, you'll never find it. You need to look beyond that, in real homes, schools and workplaces. (It's no use coming as a tourist, though. You'd need to come and live over here for a while.)
Ted's rely to deej> I began to form my opinions of the british perhaps as me mum read Dr. Doolittle and other literature & books to me as a child.
Since then my impressions have come from 1) The BBC World Service. 2) News of Britain from other news sourdes 3) British tv shows (mostly silly comedies). What I think i know isn't well documented.
I shouldn't say much negative, actually in light of what the USA has done..
Thanks for your cordial reply to what could have been taken offensively. ;-D ;-D ;-D ;-D
Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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Right!
Time to work on those long distance ones & use the resouces you have for meeting local ones. Surely you have dating services, etc?? They work!
Then you just have to cultivate your skills of meeting & greeting total strangers, etc.
With your intellect & positive self criticiscm you'll quicky learn what to do & not do.. If it's meant to be you won't be able to mess it up anyway. Don't mourn the ones who leave.. It's their loss !!
Go gett 'em Boy!!
your friend, Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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David, I have been told many times im pretty. That just tears me up, boys arnt pretty, their handsome. I saw your pic in that college thingy and no your not pretty, but you are handsome. Your vocabulary is better than Duh Football. YOur stri8t forward with what you think, blunt in otherwords, but thats a plus cause I hate people who him and haw around. If I was 3 years older and lived there and went to your school, I would be chasing you around. I was told, by someone who shall remain anonimous, that you have that boy next door look. Low self esteme seems to be a gay thing. I constantly fight against it, cause I refuse to let my family make a mess out of me.
Timmy is right and there are others here who feel the same way. Your handsome dude, so learn to live with it.;-D ;-D ;-D ;-D
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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I know what you mean, Brian... pretty is a rather fuzzy word that implies that something is appealing to the eye, without requiring too much of an emotional response. It can mean feminine, too, though I'm sure it doesn't have to.
I much prefer the word "beautiful". Before you start telling me that it's a feminine word as well, there is a kind of masculine beauty that is infinitely more appealing than anything you'd find on a woman. I'm sure you're aware of that; it's a pity it's largely dropped out of common usage.
I've no idea what you look like, Brian, but if you're "pretty" now (and I don't personally think there's anything wrong with that -- it's only an insult if you want it to be) then I'm sure it'll turn into handsomeness soon enough. Surely it's better than complete indifference (which is what I've had, most of my life)?
Thank you, Brian and Timmy and everyone else who's commented in this subsection of the thread. I think we'd better wrap the subject up, otherwise I don't think I'll ever be able to show my face here again out of sheer embarrassment!
Deeeeej
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Jedediah
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Likes it here |
Location: Made in NZ
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 170
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Right on Deeej - but i want to say - you're not unattractive. Now let's drop it. Cheers
E Te Atua tukuna mai ki au te Mauri tauki te tango i nga mea
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13818
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"Pretty" is an awkward word. It seems to happen with boys, some of whom are genuinely pretty, that the prettiness does not last to adulthood.
Take, for example, Bjorn Andresen - Visconti's Tadzio. He was very pretty as a teen, though much was to do with makeup. His beauty did not last. As an adult he failed, at least for me, to be handsome.
And yet there are times when a boy is pretty. But it has more to do with thesparkle in his eye than his looks.
You may be pretty. I hope you are simply easy on the eye and make the most of your attributes. But when given a compliment, even if unsure about it, thank the person and move on smiling.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Visconti's Tadzio - Pretty fits quite well,
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Attachment: venice08.jpg
(Size: 59.90KB, Downloaded 350 times)
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Attachment: tadzio09.jpg
(Size: 25.71KB, Downloaded 336 times)
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I think you pretty much answered this for yourself. Allow other people to decide if you are attractive and don't prejudge yourself!
In many ways I'm guilty of the same mindset. For the most part it simply never crosses my mind that anyone else could find me attractive.
Half a dozen years. What kind of timeframe is that???
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NICK!,
you lucky dog!
I'm jealous....lol!
Teddy
Life's a trip * Friends help you through * Adventure on life!
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Re: Hmm Yeah! What Brian said!! 
Re: Definitely not unattractive 
