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I have been a complete ninny all these years.
David
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Deeej wrote:
> I have been a complete ninny all these years.
>
Anything in particular, or just one of those occasional existential epiphanies we're all subject to ?
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Hi NW,
A long-standing problem of mine has turned out to be psychological rather than physical, as I have believed for the past nine years.
That said, I do think that physical factors have hampered it, to a great extent. They would most likely not have had I been circumcised.
David
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Okkkkkkk, and why is that?
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Hi David
sorry to hear that. But having believed something that turns out not to be the case about yourself doesn't make you a "ninny" - it makes you human. Sometimes, we all need time to grow enough to face up to specific things, or even summon up the courage to address them at all. On a positive note, working out what the real problem is is usually the first step to overcoming it (though it can be depressing to discover that there isn't a quick physical fix for something).
If it would help to get things off your chest, we're all here for you on the forum (or you have my other contact details, if that helps), but I can understand if you prefer not to.
Curiously, my own experience have been almost the opposite - things that I have been totally convinced were psychological, or at least psychosomatic, have turned out to be depressingly and untreatably physical.
best wishes
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Thanks, NW. I've emailed you about it.
David
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Dear, sweet "ninny",
if there is any way that I can help - you know how to reach me.
Hugs,
JFR
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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not at all. You have simply overcome a psychological block. if you can overcme this one you can overcome others
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Apparently not four times in a day. Odd. Usual?
David
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Not really unusual. Ive done up to 5 times. Only problem there is things can get sore.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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Maybe if I spaced them out a bit?
Seems a bit sore now -- may be the problem. Expect I am being a bit ham-fisted.
I'm off to bed now -- night night, everyone!
David
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... you shouldn't be self-critical at a time like this; it's the beginning of the rest of your life - and I guess that life may exceed your previous expectations!
And you are by no means the first to be confronted by a revelation which demonstrates that you had the wrong end of the stick (implication intentional!); just be glad you found the right end in time!
If I was with you, I'd give you a smothering hug!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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David, my mind is boggling. Am I being thick or missing the most obvious? The gang seems to have guessed right. Anyway, congratulations and if I can give you a hand…
Hugs
Nigel
PS: the penny's dropped. You're giving up being David and becoming Dave?
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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 ) well david you have now grown up into a real man, well done perhaps you will now be more chilled.
life is to enjoy.
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Thanks, Nigel.
>PS: the penny's dropped. You're giving up being David and becoming Dave?
What, like the Tory leader? Not as such, no... Is that code for something? 
David
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jack said,
>you have now grown up into a real man
I do not think being a real man has anything to do with ejaculation. It has more to do with being selfless, helping and caring for other people, acting in a responsible way, being stoic in the face of adversity. By that definition, I'm not there yet, and probably never will be, but I'm working on it.
>perhaps you will now be more chilled.
With apologies to Douglas Adams, I'm already so chilled you could store a side of beef in me for a month. I'm so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis.
David
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I think he meant it kindly, but I can see how it could have been taken the wrong way.
At puberty it is almost a rite of passage, and we tend to think of it that way.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Jack did not mean any disrespect. However, you are as much a man right now as most of the men I know and a lot more than some I know. Your intelligent and nice and caring and know more than DUH FOOTBALL. Your also just very very cute.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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ProfZodiac
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 115
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Okay, I've been trying to interpret this whole discussion here for the last couple days and I've been rather less than successful. I've got a very vague sense of the concepts being mentioned here, but I'm definitely still missing something.
Woo being obtuse.
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Deeej is kinda shy, but ask him.
I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........
Affirmation........Savage Garden
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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David said>
I do not think being a real man has anything to do with ejaculation. It has more to do with being selfless, helping and caring for other people, acting in a responsible way, being stoic in the face of adversity. By that definition, I'm not there yet, and probably never will be, but I'm working on it.
I fully agree with you.
you still need to chill.
life is to enjoy.
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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This might be a start... http://tinyurl.com/erum2
[edited to put a tiny url in - board format rescued (timmy)]
[Updated on: Tue, 10 October 2006 20:14] by Moderator
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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Deeej, I second what Brian tells you!
You are a person I hold in great regard, for the person I know you are, and for your definition of what a real man is. If something has happened that has introduced you to new aspects of pleasure and joy, nothing could be better, and I'm happy with you!
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Sorry, everyone -- I'm afraid I won't be around for the rest of today, most likely, as the entire university network (and internet connection) is down owing to a power cut. I'd love to post a few things, but that'll have to wait until they sort it all out. Seems like it may be a regular occurrence, too...
Adam, if you're still curious I'd be happy to talk to you some time.
Jack -- I'm sorry if I sounded short with you, but the implication of course is that if I'm a "real man" only now, at 22, then I have not been one before, while everyone else has by the same criteria presumably been from age 12 or 13. I hope you didn't mean that.
Best wishes,
David
P.S. In case anyone was wondering, I'm posting this using my mobile phone -- the expense is huge, so I can't stick around.
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David said:
Being a man has more to do with being selfless, helping and caring for other people, acting in a responsible way, being stoic in the face of adversity.
Wow! What a beautiful description of manhood. Will I ever get to be a man?
Jack said (to David):
you still need to chill.
If David 'chilled' he wouldn't be David. 
JFR
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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jack
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Likes it here |
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304
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> manhood.
David,
it was a pure figure of speech, you still need to chill.
life is to enjoy.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Recognition of a problem places one well on the road to recovery.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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True. The funny thing is that this, having been a problem for so many years (and recognised as such), has effectively ceased to be one in the last couple of days. It's rather amazing how suddenly it has happened.
Eventually the problem turned out to be almost entirely mechanical in origin. It was psychological only insofar as if you don't expect yourself, or know how, to succeed, you're less likely to try.
David
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... but there are two obvious questions!
(a) how did you make your significant discovery? and
(b) what (or who) were you thinking of at the time?
You are allowed to decline to answer on the grounds that you may incriminate yourself!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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Cossie said,
>(a) how did you make your significant discovery?
(a) I have always suffered from phimosis, so I was stretching the opening (on Timmy's advice) with the use of E45 cream, something I've only been doing for the last week or so. I was half-asleep at the time (it was almost 3 o'clock), so wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing. I think that this is probably significant: I was not getting frustrated because I was not expecting anything. In the past I have always given up fairly quickly, because I was convinced I could never get there. I was also probably not hitting the right spot. I'm still not certain I know which the right spot is: it's a little hit-and-miss.
>(b) what (or who) were you thinking of at the time?
(b) I was not thinking of anything (I was half-asleep). So far I have found myself unable to concentrate on two things at the same time. In other words, it's all been very mechanical. I think a fantasy may help me get there quicker (there have been a couple of indications that that may be the case) and without quite so much pummelling (it's rather sore down there at the moment), but I haven't quite settled on what it should be yet. I find pornography rather sordid and it's embarrassing picturing real people.
Best wishes,
David
P.S. I had never previously noticed what a dirty mind A. A. Milne must have had. See my signature. It describes my former plight perfectly.
[Updated on: Thu, 12 October 2006 13:44] |
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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My only reaction to your answer to question (a) is that I can fully appreciate your situation. The circumstances you describe led logically to the conclusion you reached - and you're a sucker for logical thought! You should not in any way criticise yourself; the fault lies with parents and schools who apply a ridiculous - but quintessentially English - taboo to any kind of frank discussion of sex and sexual problems. If the subject is portrayed as embarrassing (or worse!) it is blindingly obvious that anyone feeling 'different' will be discouraged from admitting or addressing their problem. You are fortunate indeed that your particular problem had solved itself now; too many guys suffer such problems throughout their lives.
Turning to question (b), I think you should accept that your 'problem' has inevitably coloured your attitude to a variety of sexual issues. Don't be afraid to embark on a voyage of re-assessment and discovery! Ejaculation is meant to be very pleasurable; it's a Darwinian thing! If it's a solo activity, it's logical (and you know how much you approve of logic!) to substitute mental images in the absence of skin-to-skin stimulation. Pornography - it doesn't have to be hard-core - works for a lot of males, but by no means all. But mental images of real people can stimulate almost anyone. Believe me, by starting this thread you've confronted more potential embarrassment than most of us could imagine. Don't let quasi-embarrassment limit your imagination; just about everyone else is doing it; don't miss out. You would be harming nobody, and in any case a goodly proportion of your candidates for stimulation would probably be flattered if they knew!
Just as a final thought, I agree totally with your argument that what has happened has nothing whatsoever to do with 'being a man'. Nevertheless, it's a significant step, both physically and mentally, and I stress again that you should expect it to change your life significantly. Be prepared to accept that change!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I wish to be associated with the remarks of the previous poster.
Deej and I had some long phone conversaions over this issue. We discussed whether it was a psychological or a physical issue without coming to any conclusion except one:
Remove the mechanical problem and this removes one obstacle to the overall orgasm and ejaculation mechanisms happening
That made sense with logic, since there was no way of telling whether the lack of orgasm was inhibited by not having free access to the various erotic parts of the penis. Remove the access difficulty and see if nature takes over.
The way I suggested was the way Deej chose. Stretching the aperture of the foreskin happens pretty much "normally" in boys who masturbate. Since he did not, or did not persevere because he found no pleasure in it, then a regime of gentle stretching was started. And that regime led to self discovery.
The manhood thing is more "awkward". As we hit puberty we tend to prize our first hair, or first orgasm and our first ejaculation. Small wonder that these are considered "becoming a man". We even prize starting a lifetime of shaving! That you can be a man without these is not in dispute, but this is the logic of the schoolyard.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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