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... a few weeks into term, with work piling up left, right and centre, the end not yet in sight, when I feel very gloomy, bordering on depressed.
It has happened so far in my university career during my second term, the start of my third term, my fourth and fifth terms to a lesser degree, not my sixth because fortunately the work was lighter and more enjoyable then; and now it is my seventh of nine and it is back again.
It's not very often I post specifically asking for support, but I suppose this is the point at which I should. I've been wondering, in fact, for the last couple of days whether it might be a good therapeutic move to try and stay away from here for a couple of weeks and see how it goes; in the past couple of weeks I've been rather argumentative and not as kind and pleasant as I would have liked myself to be, and I don't think this has helped my mood in any way.
Part of it is that my schedule is even less structured than it has been in the past. I'm no longer procrastinating on the level I was once, but I'm doing something which is undoubtedly related: I am worrying about work so much that it consumes virtually all of my time and leaves me no point to relax. In academic work, I don't always have the self-confidence to believe I can do something it until I have the completed work in front of me. Unfortunately the work we're doing at the moment is long and drawn out, so there's no immediate prospect of that. I find it much, much easier to work on something single-mindedly for a few days and get it out of the way, but because of the way the course is structured that is not an option.
I wonder if I should go onto antidepressants again; this is definitely a mild form of depression rather than mere unhappiness. I am determined not to give up my course (I could never forgive myself if I did), but having so many weeks (seven months, in fact) of work stretching out ahead with not much to look forward to except graduation really does get me down.
Hmm. I dunno what to add -- if there was a clear source of action (beyond "stop worrying"; "find something to take your mind off the work", neither of which has helped so far) I would have taken it.
Please no sarcastic comments about how I shouldn't be at university if I am not enjoying it.
I also ought to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone if I have seemed rude or over-persistent(/pedantic) recently; the latter, I think is some sort of coping mechanism, though not always a very good one!
Hugs and best wishes to everyone. Thank you for reading this.
David
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Oooooooooooooooo K.........
First.... even though your courseload seems unstructured it really does have structure....
What I always advised my students to do was to draw out a linear timeline for each course in order to plot out goals to be met.
This will help in giving yourself specific focus for cach goal and also keep a visual reminder of benchmarks for projects which will allow you to make note of progress on an ongoing pace. A timeline also prevents bottlecks where more than one project or goal becomes due on the same day or week.
I know how demanding university courseloads can be and I know you HAVE to set aside a few (albeit very few) hours every weel to just sit back and unwind.
As for worrying about your schoolwork..... That is endemic of a university carreer when the work really matters to the person doing it..... You will be fine.....
One of the largest aspects of a university education is learning to make use of all resources at your disposal.... Don't be shy about asking for help with research and the like.... Some people excell at gathering information....
[Updated on: Tue, 31 October 2006 15:07]
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I'm sorry to hear that, David. I think you're right to be considering antidepressant medication if this is something that you've been struggling with for a while. Do you have any feeling whether work is contributing to how you feel, or if work is just what comes conveniently to hand to worry about? I take it there are no obvious (other) external causes, nor anything like a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder which might make things worse ...
I know what you mean about finding it "much, much easier to work on something single-mindedly for a few days and get it out of the way " - I'm also a "binge worker" (which is why I enjoyed theatre schedules of production panics followed by easy periods of running shows). When I moved to local government, I had to adapt - actually, I ended up setting myself arbitrary targets for chunks of work, and then binge-working followed by treating myself. Perhaps this is something that you could discuss with a sympathetic tutor: not in terms of altering the work, or existing timetables, but in how you as an individual might best structure your approach to it.
I'm not sure that staying away from here will actually help - I suspect that you would find other things to get irritated by! But whether you decide to take a break or to stay as a prolific poster, you have a lot of friends and support here. And if it would ever help to talk by phone, or over a coffee, you know how to get in touch with me - please do so if I can help in any way.
warm wishes and a virtual hug.
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Go and invest in a "Daylight box" to get over the gloomies of the dark evenings. It's a start, but not perfect.
That is my "quick win" for you.
The medium and long term wins are Marc's advice. Otherwise you end up pulling all-nighters on proplus
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Try long long walks. It helps me a lot. Alex and I have been going for 6 mile walks everyday and it really helps my mood and gives me a chance to unwind for a bit.
Try getting in some physical activity and see how it works.
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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Jedediah
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Likes it here |
Location: Made in NZ
Registered: March 2006
Messages: 170
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Awww! You've got some good friends here, Deeej. Don't stay away from them.
I agree, walking's good. Take some time and relax a bit. Smell the flowers.
cheers
E Te Atua tukuna mai ki au te Mauri tauki te tango i nga mea
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Now that is a point. 20 mins in the gym if you don't fancy walking, and a major benefit is those fit guys in there!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I have actually surpised myself a bit with the amount of work I have been doing lately -- usually I tend to leave things I don't really want to do until the last minute. Now that I actually am doing it in reasonable time, I am plagued by self-doubt: is my best good enough to get a first? Will it even get me a second?
Luckily, I'm nowhere near crisis point yet, except in my mind. As far as anyone else is concerned, I still have months to go. This is precisely what frightens me: I like short, sharp pressure; but I'm already feeling moderate pressure and I don't want it to go on for months on end.
I think part of the problem is that I am failing to differenciate general gloom from anxiety over work. If I finished all the work tomorrow, I would not be all that much happier.
David
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It's not quite Seasonal Affective Disorder (as far as I know) but it is almost certainly related to the time of year, or rather the time of term. For the first couple of weeks the workload is light and novel; then it just gets harder and harder and you realise it's going to be a really hard slog to get to the end of term. These days, of course, there is masses of work to do during the holidays as well, so there's not much to look forward to there either. Really, the main thing I have to look forward to is the end of the academic year, which is not until June.
I'm also rather lonely at university, which doesn't help. And I haven't found a "proper" way to relax yet, not one that takes me out of the house and away from it all. If I stop work for a couple of hours I feel guilty for wasting time. I feel guilty for writing this reply, for example.
It probably is a good idea to talk to my tutor about it at some point. Thanks for your help.
David
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Thanks, Timmy.
I've ordered a bulb to see what it's like, though from the looks of things the specialist light boxes are too expensive for me at the moment.
I don't appreciate dark evenings, that's for sure. I might bring in a redhead (an 800W film light) and put it on a stand and use a gel to bring it to sunlight temperature. It's remarkably convincing. I did that last year and it helped, though the bulbs aren't half expensive (about 10p per hour IIRC, plus electricity costs).
David
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You're absolutely right that I need to do some more exercise. I do quite a bit of walking about on campus, but I suspect that it doesn't really count.
Thanks, Andy.
David
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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Deeej
Just a couple of suggestions for what they are worth. They back up what the others here are saying.
You must make time for yourself to relax, there has to be a balance between work and relaxation so unless you make time for yourself the workload will defeat you.
Jedediah is right go for walks, smell the roses. Try to get 15-30 min. of natural sunlight on as much of your skin as possible daily.The best thing is these things are free.
I realise your days are closing in now and your weather may make this difficult but perhaps you could check it out during the lunch break.
Another thing I have found to work for me during periods of gloom is to relax in a warm/hot bath with some clary sage aroma-therapy oils in it.
Hope these suggestion don't set off any alarms and please don't knock them until you have tried them.
I think it is good for you to keep coming here when you need to but try and keep out of the heavy discussions because you just don't need the aggro.
Good luck with the workload.
Aussie
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Actually, hot baths are very relaxing.....
Theraputic oils add to the mix as well.....
I use an herbal concoction that I get from a Native American Shaman.....
They are very relaxing and I always feel better after a nice soak.....
Another study scheme I recomend is this.... When going through a particularly tough part.... Study for 20 minutes.... then take a break for 10 minutes.... Calming meditation is best but never turn on the television, radio, or any other electronic distractions as they severly interfere with the retention of the material you just went over....
I know it sounds sappy, but it really does work....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Sage oil????????
Doesn't that make you smell like turkey dressing????
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Right now you sound alot like Kevy....
He seems to work all the time but is always forging out work at the last minute......
He always stresses out and is a veritable basket case when exams roll around but he always does well in his studies... Just like you...
I am telling you just like I tell him about 3 times a week... Don't be so tough on yourself....... you're doing fine....
p.s.
Is the top of your desk all cluttered with papers and such?
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Thanks, Aussie.
I will try to get out every so often and do some exercise. It's suddenly got very dark in the evenings here because of the hour change, but there is enough light earlier (just about).
>Another thing I have found to work for me during periods of gloom is to relax in a warm/hot bath with some clary sage aroma-therapy oils in it.
I may try that. I don't think I've had a bath for about two years now; I've got into the habit of showers. To be honest, I'm a bit suspicious of the university baths -- I've seen what drunk students do in them!
>Hope these suggestion don't set off any alarms and please don't knock them until you have tried them.
Why ever would I knock them? Pleasant smells and vapours have an easily demonstrable relaxing effect. 
Best wishes,
David
[Updated on: Tue, 31 October 2006 23:49] |
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Marc said,
>Is the top of your desk all cluttered with papers and such?
Sort of -- I have 4000 words of notes all end-to-end in one document on my computer, and it's grown so large I've started losing my way around it.
I do have various books, photocopies, print-outs etc. but at the moment I'm keeping them all in a folder. Normally they would be cluttered all over the place, but not knowing where to find something is one more stress I just don't need at the moment.
David
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Hi Jedediah,
Thanks for the suggestions.
>I agree, walking's good. Take some time and relax a bit. Smell the flowers.
I don't think I've ever walked to the far side of the campus. I wonder what goes on there. Maybe it would be a good time to learn, while I'm still actually at the university...
David
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... he's thinking of Lewis Carroll...?
From 'You are old, father William':
“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
“I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment -- one shilling a box --
Allow me to sell you a couple?”
Presumably the sage's ointment is sage oil.
David
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I know what you are going through, except that my coping mechanism is to avoid classes altogether. I failed last semester, which was pretty lame and I'm headed towards a fail again this semester. I think part of the problem with me, and this may apply to you too, is not having enough Uni friends, especially ones in your classes. If you have friends in your classes you pace yourself with them and try and keep up with the work they are doing. If you have someone that you can turn it into a competition with it becomes much easier to work towards. At least for me. That said I struggle a lot making friends in any case so it's not like making friends can be considered a solution so much as another problem!
I'm sure you'll be fine, though. Some subjects are such a pain in the ass because the workload is consistant through the whole semester/ term. I like subjects that allow me to slack off, then ace the exams. Ones that require me in class every week make it so much harder. That's why I'm not studying Japanese this semester. Languages are pretty hard to study from reading the course notes alone!
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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There's not much for me to add to what's already been said, except that I'm sure that you are going to cope.
You have to find some time to relax completely, and get away from what seems to wear you down, even the important and interesting stuff. Don't feel guilty for wasting your time, because doing something entirely different, composing (!), going out, doing nothing at all, may be absolutely essential for you, and is therefore time well spent.
Are you sure that there's no-one you can spend some time together with, if only once a week? You aren't alone, and the response here shows that you've got many friends who care about you. Therefore I don't think that staying away from here is going to help a lot, and if you did stay away we would miss you, so please don't do that!
I wish you well!
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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I did say clary sage not sage. I just went and checked it out since you asked. They are quite similar but the clary sage is more pleasant. Perhaps turkey undressing is the best I can come up with.
Aussie
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Hi Saben,
Thanks for your reply.
I have no exams left -- everything from now until graduation is coursework, written and practical. This feels like part of the problem -- it would be so nice if I could just take a couple of days' worth of exams, and then it would all be over, and if I did badly then ... well, that would be that. Even as I say it, though, I know it is not realistic; I think if I did have a lot of exams, the stress in the build-up would kill me (metaphorically speaking). I'm exceedingly bad at pacing myself for them, and, indeed, got within three percentage points of being thrown off the course altogether in the written exams at the end of my first year. Admittedly that was about the most depressed I have been since March 2003.
>I think part of the problem with me, and this may apply to you too, is not having enough Uni friends, especially ones in your classes. If you have friends in your classes you pace yourself with them and try and keep up with the work they are doing.
This is true for me as well. At this stage there is practically no-one who is doing exactly the same as everyone else (certainly no-one who is studying exactly the same thing at dissertation level). But one thing for sure is that I am pretty lonely when I am not at the few specific course groups. This does not produce a good academic working atmosphere -- no-one really cares if I work or if I do nothing.
Ah, well. One can over-analyse, I think. I'm going up to London tomorrow to browse the British Film Institute Library. It's a worthwhile activity, even if I end up not finding much that I couldn't otherwise have found in the university library -- at least I can feel I have jumped through all the right hoops.
David
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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Forgot to mention you can use the oil in an oil burner whilst you are working or according to below it can be diluted and massaged into the skin.
The euphoric scent of Clary Sage calms, soothes and eases the tension of uncertain times.
Please ignore menstrual pain instructions unless you suffer from PMT
Clary Sage Oil 13ml
Adult Only:
To help relieve NERVOUS TENSION, STRESS and MILD ANXIETY.
MASSAGE: 5 drops (1/4mL) to 10 mL Sunspirit carrier oil. Apply to back, neck and temples twice daily.
VAPORISATION: 5 drops (1/4mL) in water in oil burner.
For relief of MENSTRUAL PAIN-
MASSAGE: 5 drops (1/4mL) to 10mL Sunspirit carrier oil. Rub into abdomen and lower back twice daily. Use only as directed. Avoid during pregnancy.
Do not combine with alcohol or use before driving.
If symptoms persist, consult your healthcare professional. These claims are based on traditional aromatherapy.
Aussie
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Hi Sailor,
>Are you sure that there's no-one you can spend some time together with, if only once a week?
Well, I dunno, to be honest. I'm now two years into the course, and I think I have established (not deliberately) to my general circle of friends and acquaintances that I'm someone who doesn't go out much. I either appear to them as an enigma, someone who keeps himself to himself and doesn't want to be known, or possibly just as a rather boring person. Undoing this will, I suspect, be difficult.
I have a terror -- almost a phobia -- of asking someone to go out somewhere with me and being turned down, or, worse, they going with me not because they actually want to but because they feel sorry for me. I worry a bit about this even if I know a person well. Getting to know someone well enough for me to feel really comfortable (relaxed enough for it to be beneficial) in their presence is virtually impossible unless I have lived with them for a while, or at least worked with them full time.
I go to the LGB society meetings from time to time, but I find them so awkward that it's palpably painful, and I feel like a very stiff drink afterwards. It can take a couple of hours or even overnight to recover. (I don't usually get that drink, either, 'cos I haven't had the foresight to buy any alcohol.)
The result of all this is that I don't tend to meet people much, except for family friends and people I already know well.
Thank you, Sailor, and to everyone who has shown support. I really appreciate it.
David
[Updated on: Wed, 01 November 2006 01:11] |
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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Besides, How is Deeej going to soar with the eagles if he smells like a turkey.
Aussie
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... just by making the lead post on this thread. It seems that until then you were simply trying to cope with the problem; now you are actively trying to confront it.
You are right in concluding that your persona as presented through your posts has been changing; there have been signs of this for the last couple of months. Once again, the active realisation and admission of the change is probably all that's necessary to put things right. I'm quite relieved, really - I was worried that you might be determined to become dogmatic as well as pedantic!
I agree with all of the suggestions others have put forward; in particular, the technique of bite-size targets suggested by Marc has always worked well for me - not only at university but throughout my subsequent life.
Your own thoughts about using antidepressants for a time may well be sound. With your family background, you'll be well aware that modern antidepressants are vastly safer than those available 20 or 30 years ago. There's always a very small risk but, if things don't improve by other methods, a low-dose antidepressant may be the prop you need to help you cope with the rest of the year.
Baths are vastly more relaxing than showers, so long as you aren't in a hurry, and herbs certainly do enhance the experience.
Finally, exercise is a necessary component in your schedule, though it doesn't need to be strenuous. Even a half-hour walk can make a difference. I'd suggest, though, that you'd benefit from a mind-emptying period of mental relaxation when you exercise and, for that, walking outdoors is better than visiting a gym.
I don't think that a break from the site would help you; you are so much a part of it that you would certainly miss it, and it does after all give you a break from the academic grind. You might like to consider a rather more structured approach, limiting yourself to (say) two visits a day, with a time limit of your own choosing for each visit. This would militate against rapid-response exchanges, which can often be more stress-inducing than longer, more thoughtful posts.
Oh, and I don't claim any expertise in the field beyond the lessons of experience!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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Thanks, Cossie, for your advice -- sorry for not responding with a longer post, but I'm supposed to be in bed and I'll have to get up fairly early to put my notes in order before my long trek to London.
The only thing I might query is whether the change in persona as perceived by you is as old as two months; for I restarted back at university just over a month ago (the 25th of September, I think it was) and things have been going, as it were, downhill from there. If the change was noticeable before that point then it would not be quite so easy to attribute it to the one particular source. (I suppose stress from the thought of university could have had something to do with it, but as far as I remember it I was quite optimistic about coming back.)
The only side effect that I can remember from Venlafaxine was that it made it completely impossible for me to get an erection. It hardly mattered at the time, but now, for purely selfish reasons which you can probably guess, it might upset me a bit!
Hugs,
David
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... and I can't really argue for eight weeks as opposed to seven weeks or six weeks, but I do feel that the signs were there significantly more than four weeks ago. It's not something we need to argue about, but it's perhaps worth remembering that 'stressed' and 'unstressed' are not synonyms for 'pessimistic' and 'optimistic'. It's entirely possible to be stressed and optimistic at the same time - as NW will no doubt confirm from his theatrical experience!
Mmm. I can see why Venlafaxine would not be your medication of choice! But there are alternatives worthy of consideration. In the end, it's your call; all I was trying to do was to underline the validity of the option.
Your hugs are returned, at an attractive rate of interest!
Cossie.
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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David,
Here's wishing you good things. Remember to take care of you.
Hugs,
Teddy
“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
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Sorry it took so long to post, but I have been pushing my limit to lately.
First, talk to your doc about the meds.
Second, never let any one tell you shouldn't be at university, cuz I must inform you that your doing something with your life. You should take pride in that.
Third we are always here to help.(Feel free to yell at me any time if it helps. just let me know, so I can trash the e-mail before reading them.
Hope it gets better.
Jay
[Updated on: Wed, 01 November 2006 05:50]
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Clary age as named by Linnaeus after Julian is most certainly gay.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Timmy, make sure you read the instructions.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Timmy said,
>20 mins in the gym if you don't fancy walking, and a major benefit is those fit guys in there!
I like the way you think, Timmy!
“There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is.” - Terry Pratchett
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