A Place of Safety
I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love.
Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving!
We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register
















You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.
just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.  [message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 03:45 Go to next message
Brian1407a is currently offline  Brian1407a

On fire!
Location: USA
Registered: December 2005
Messages: 1104



My time on line is being limited mostly so my eyescan get reajusted. I dont know if evyryone wants to know the sorded details, but there is a lot more to get well this time than last. I wound up with a broken jaw,4 broken ribs, my right leg is broken in two places and my right shoulder was severly dislocated.

Im stuck with another delima tho. My mom can get some seruois time out of this. A lot of what I have to say will determain what happes. I know I want to leave and I know that being babied by my best friends mom is neat and cool, but this is my mom were talkking about. I dont want to see my mom have to do anymore jail time as she has. The social workers are always over hear pestering me about what happened. So far they have gotten nothing but the silent treatment. Kols mom even thru one out of the house for getting to loud and forceful.

I know I have to make up my own mind, but I would like some input from the rest of you on how to go about things.



I believe in Karma....what you give is what you get returned........

Affirmation........Savage Garden
Re: just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.  [message #39267 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 05:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Aussie is currently offline  Aussie

Really getting into it

Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475



It's great to see you back on line again Brian and I am sorry you suffered so many injuries in this latest accident. Everyone here has been concerned about you.
It is good that you are now concerned for your Mums wellbeing in spite of what has happened. I think it is pretty much a case of telling the authorities as little as you can about anything that is going to make it bad for her and going in to bat for her on the good things. She doesn't have much going for her other than you at the moment.
Feel free to ask any specific questions if anything is worrying you. You'll get plenty of good advice here.

Here's to your speedy recovery
Hugs
Aussie
Re: just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.  [message #39268 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 05:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
JFR is currently offline  JFR

On fire!
Location: Israel
Registered: October 2004
Messages: 1367



First of all, Brian: how lovely it is to hear from you - and what a relief. Even though the damage sounds pretty bad.

You really have a serious dilemma. I'm not sure that we can help you greatly until we know more about your situation and your feelings. Four questions that immediately spring to my mind are these:

What is the likelihood that your mother might do something similar again?

What is the liklihood that her attitude towards you might become more positive, more loving, more caring?

What is the likelihood that those who are taking care of you now would be able and willing to do so on a more permanent basis?

What is the likelihood that other members of your near family would develop a more positive relationship with you?

I know: too many questions and no answers. Sorry.

One thing for you to think about: what is ultimately more important to you: your own fate or that of your mother?

From one recovering invalid to another: HUGS.

J F R



The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
Hi, it is good to hear from you...  [message #39269 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 06:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ZeroGrav is currently offline  ZeroGrav

Really getting into it
Location: dallas, Texas
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 785




I read your post a few minuets after you posted. I had to think hard about what to say, as most here have.



If I was you I would have jumped at the chances of putting my mother/parents behind bars, mostly because of my relationship with them. Not knowing you exact situation I can not tell you what say,or what to do. I recommend just do what you feel is right. Just keep a few questions in mind for me okay.



1. is she willing to get some help?
2. are you safe with her?
3. is it in your best interest to be under her care?
4. will some time in jail do her some good?
(I know the last one is kinda harsh, but keep in mind some punishment for her actions, may help her to turn her life around, and relives what she had doing.)

and

5. could it be worse the next time?




I hope you get better soon, Brian!

Jay

P.S. I wish I could sign your cast.Smile

[Updated on: Sun, 26 November 2006 06:39]




So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
Hi, grandbabe!  [message #39271 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 07:29 Go to previous messageGo to next message
cossie is currently offline  cossie

On fire!
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699



This isn't something I want to talk about on the board, but you'll find an e-mail in your inbox.



For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
Re: just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.  [message #39272 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 08:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13739



This is a time to be truly "self-ish".

Whihc is best for you? How will you improve your own situation.

You need to be able to discuss this with someone you trust and who understands.

If mom is jailed, where do you live and who supports you financially?

You absolutely must have the answers to that as well as know how you feel about her being jailed before you can make a rational decision



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.  [message #39273 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 08:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Nigel is currently offline  Nigel

On fire!
Location: England
Registered: November 2003
Messages: 1756



Hey Brian

It's great to hear from you and I know it will take a long time, but concentrate on getting better.

As far as your Mum if concerned the authorities will do what they want to do and they will get enough evidence from the crash scene for them to work on without your being involved. What you say will add to her troubles without helping her.

What I suggest is that you play the memory loss game. You can't remember what happened or what you say is so contradictory that any defence lawyer would tear it apart. Also plead that harassment by social services is preventing your healing. Accuse them of putting words into your mouth. Don't let them interview you without a witness and above all don't sign anything.

Get a good rest.
Cyberhugs
Nigel



I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.

…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
Re: just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.  [message #39274 is a reply to message #39273] Sun, 26 November 2006 11:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
jack is currently offline  jack

Likes it here
Location: England
Registered: September 2006
Messages: 304




Hi Brian

You must be feeling both physical and mental pain but both will heal.

As for your situation I feel you need to speak some one with expert knowledge but totally independent of your situation.
But above all it is you that will make the decision, you know we all go through problems both as kids and grown ups, because when you become a parent you do not get trained for that so we can make mistakes.
If people deliberately and continuously put you in danger then you do have to protect yourself.

Brian take your time and think it through with others help.

Hugs jack.
Smile Smile Smile



life is to enjoy.
Hey Brian  [message #39276 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 14:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Josh is currently offline  Josh

On fire!

Registered: April 2006
Messages: 1012



Brian

Nice to see you again^^

I'm sorry that you've had more hurt done to you. It must be very hard for you.

I wish i could hug you to try to make you feel better. I'm not sure if I should tell you to cheer up. I'd love to^^ Tho I will say that I wish you the best of luck in these times. I hpoe your mom doesnt have to serve any more jail time. Personally, I dont know what I'd do without my mom.

*hugs* I hope you get well soon.^^

~Josh~



21.

Love who you want to.

~Josh~
Re: Welcome Back!  [message #39284 is a reply to message #39266] Sun, 26 November 2006 21:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Whitop is currently offline  Whitop

Toe is in the water
Location: USA
Registered: June 2005
Messages: 73



Dear Brian,

I'm so glad to see you back amongst us and hope you heal quickly. I'm sure the sparkle you bring to your friend's home will make your being with him and his mom more a pleasure than a burden, and your concentration on your concern for your mother and others should speed your recovery even more.

I have some thoughts, but don't know you well enough to float them on the board but will filter them through Cossie and hope he will pass on what he feels will help.

Cyber-hugs again, Mac
Re: just stoping by to keep the home fires burning.  [message #39295 is a reply to message #39266] Mon, 27 November 2006 04:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
electroken is currently offline  electroken

Likes it here
Location: USA
Registered: May 2004
Messages: 271




Hi Brian. I was away from the board a lot in the past weeks and had no idea you had been in an accident. I am sure glad to hear you are ok even if you are a bit broken in places. It must be a hard thing to deal with the problems you are having right now with your mom and I want to assure you that from what I have learned by reading your post below and from emailing you in the past about your home life, you are not in any way shape or form to blame for any of this.
It is hard to tell you what to do about your mom and I know you must love her a lot to be unable to talk with the social workers about what happened.

I hope you can find the right way to handle this with your mom and if you need any help what so ever, you can ask anyone here for advice. I am perhaps a bit nearer physically to where you live, and if I can help you in any way at all, please let me know.

I am sure many of us are going to pray for your well-being and that it will all be resolved in a good way.



Ken
Re: the home fires  [message #39300 is a reply to message #39266] Mon, 27 November 2006 12:23 Go to previous message
Deeej is currently offline  Deeej

Needs to get a life!
Location: Berkshire, UK
Registered: March 2005
Messages: 3281



Dear Brian,

Ultimately, of course, the decision has to rest with you alone -- for no-one can know your familial situation as well as you do yourself. These are just a few thoughts that spring to mind.

The first priority of everyone here is to ensure that you are okay. So, whatever happens, it is vital to ensure that your mother cannot endanger your life again. From what you have said I don't see a clear indication as to what the consequences would be for her if you refuse to testify -- is there a chance that you will be put back into her custody?

Ultimately the most important thing is for you to be happy. Since you are young, it is your life that is going to be subject to the most upset for the next few years. It is an immensely important stage of one's life. If your happiness relies on forgiving your mother entirely then it is very creditable to you. But please don't let that get in the way of finding a satisfactory long-term solution.

I hope you recover quickly and you'll be able to be back here more regularly soon.

Hugs,

David
Previous Topic: hello^_^
Next Topic: Michael Arram
Goto Forum: