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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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All in all, sex is a ridiculous act. Penetrating one set of body parts with another set of body parts and rubbing a bit, well, that is plain ludicrous.
I got to thinking about body parts, form and function.
Although long term gay men are likely to say "yuck" when faced with a vagina, bear with me. A vagina is simply a moist environment which welcomes a penis, and is reasonably easy to penetrate.
A penis is simply a tube of flesh with a surprisingly insenstive tip (it can handle hot, cold, pain, and touch only. Other fatcors are required for orgasm or all men would have them all the time just from walking about).
Looked at dispassionately, neither a penis nor a vagina is particularly aesthetically pleasing. Funtional, yes, but not really something that would enhance one's living room if models of them were to be on display.
I moved my thoughts away from sex to the other person.
Each of us is different, but I suspect most people care what it is that gives them an orgasm. Men do not, I think, put a penis into the hands of someone who will abuse it. Most men, anyway. And, if we were indiscriminate we would not care if our sexual partner of the moment were male, female or a farmyard animal. And this is true even if we cannot see our partner. Think glory holes. Well I prefer not to, but, in general, these are a masculine adventure. I'm sure there are such holes for ladies on one side and gentlemen on the other, of course there are, but they seem not to form part of "sexual mythology"
So what do we want from sex? Why is sex so "special"?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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sounds like fun to me sept the vagina bit (LOL)
Jay, I love u. You are my heart and my soul.
You are my other half. The final piece to my puzzle. I am complete when I am with you.
You turn a dark day into a bright sunny day.
You make me giddy with joy.Just from hearing your voice.
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there u r
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Now, I knew that mere mention of a vagina would cause some odd thoughts, but bear with me. I put a vagina in the text for a reason.
When we look at a partner, a potential partner, do we look at what body accessories they have, or do we look at the person as someone we want to share experiences with?
Is sex only about body parts, or is it about something else?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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i prefer to look at the personality but if hes cute then thats a bonus man im so lucky i have a sxc babe like jay
Jay, I love u. You are my heart and my soul.
You are my other half. The final piece to my puzzle. I am complete when I am with you.
You turn a dark day into a bright sunny day.
You make me giddy with joy.Just from hearing your voice.
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its about love
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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That's the part. "if he's cute"...
If we're looking at cuteness, which includes the personality form behind the eyes, how come it is a "he" for gay males and a she for str8 ones?
What is really happening here?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy wrote:
> Looked at dispassionately, neither a penis nor a vagina is particularly aesthetically pleasing. Funtional, yes, but not really something that would enhance one's living room if models of them were to be on display.
>
I think that a penis can be aesthetically attractive. I've known a couple of pretty dicks! And, come to that, I have a couple of copies of photos by Robert Mapplethorpe among the pictures on the walls in my living room - one shows a woman who happens to have bare breasts, one shows a guy who has a bare penis. Both are fantastic pictures!
> So what do we want from sex? Why is sex so "special"?
There are probably as many answers to this as there are people! But I'll have a stab at what it means to me ... 'scuse me if it seems a bit inarticulate, as it's really not something that I am good at analysing (perhaps a poem would be better than an essay?).
Sex is special because it's one of the few places that I can lose a the sense of "I", and just "be". It's special because it's a joining that I rarely experience (I don't do football crowds, and working in theatre has meant I've largely lost any ability to submerge myself in a collective audience reaction).
Sex is special because I only do it with people that I really trust, and opening my body to someone isn't something I'm willing to do unless I have already opened my heart. It means risking physical and emotional hurt, and that the other person is someone with whom I'm prepared to do that!
Sex is special 'cos it's where the more I give, the better it gets!
But mainly, sex is special because it can be fun, laughable, silly, intense, sweaty, affectionate, unpredictable, reassuring, embarrassing and all kinds of other things, all at once or all in turn, and it doesn't matter a damn as long the person I'm doing it with is the special person in my life.
From all of which it's obvious that I'm a flaming romantic ...
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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WHAT????????????????????
Jay, I love u. You are my heart and my soul.
You are my other half. The final piece to my puzzle. I am complete when I am with you.
You turn a dark day into a bright sunny day.
You make me giddy with joy.Just from hearing your voice.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Think about it. What exactly is it?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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i agree with my jac. but its some thing that a guy has that i do no see nor feel for in a girl.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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But what? Some girls are "as good as boys" in pretty much everything. So what stops them being desirable for a gay man?
We can all say "I prefer/am orinted towards/only desire boys." But why?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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ouch, a hard one (no pun intended!)
so if i understand you right, what you are saying is, sex is more than just point and thrust. if it were just about the physical side of things, we'd all be out like rabbits in the streets right now?
and if then, its not about the physical, why do we care what physical components the person we love has?
hmmm some hard questions there, but i'll give a shot at my answer anyway
well, i think you're right in saying (if thats what you are saying) that there is - for most people - more to sex than just the mechanics of it.
different people have different... i dunno, levels i guess, of what they will do. some people will stick to a single lover their whole lives, others will sleep around for all eternity, and most others will some confortable niche somewhere in between. for me, personally, i wouldn't normally have sex outside of relationships. though i'm honest enough to admit that things might happen if i'm single and drunk enough. the two occasions i've had a on night stand, i guss i've been lucky in that i don't regret one that much, and the other was a good experience. but for me, generally, sex is something special, its not something you waste on people, and it feels better because of that, because it doesn't happen regularly. its a sign of trust and of love. I love you so much i'm going to let you do this to me, and out of that expression of love, comes great pleasure, both mentally and physically.
while people use the term make love as a polite way of saying have sex, i tend to think more about sex being the physical side of love. love being in itself an emotion, that we feel and share, but also like a state of being, being in love, with someone, which is at once an emotion, a drug, a hormone, a state of mind, and many other things, or so it seems.
why then does it matter what stuff our lovers have?
if we take sex as simply something part of love, then sex is always going to be expressed as part of sexuality. as gay men, we're homosexual, and in its purest form that means attracted to other people of the same sex with us. If there's no feelings of affection attraction and love between us, the sex, while possible, won't be as good, and we won't get the same overall enjoyment out of it, even though we may reach the physical climax.
Odi et amo: quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
Nescio, set fieri sentio et excrucior
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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the Black Prince wrote:
> ouch, a hard one (no pun intended!)
>
> so if i understand you right, what you are saying is, sex is more than just point and thrust. if it were just about the physical side of things, we'd all be out like rabbits in the streets right now?
Or out making baby bunnies with the rabbits, yes
>
> and if then, its not about the physical, why do we care what physical components the person we love has?
And there we get to it. It was the Tatchell thread that made me ponder. Ok, there is no link to it, but it caused the random thoughts to get started. It might be a fun one to take to an LBGT meeting! Of course there will be a few who think you are nuts!
The act of sex is far more than a pork in the park. Gay men can function with women, sexually. Str8 men can function with men. The difference is that "function" implies mechanical acts, whereas true lovemaking seems to need something else. Something...... indefinable?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy wrote:
> The difference is that "function" implies mechanical acts, whereas true lovemaking seems to need something else. Something...... indefinable?
Not really indefinable, just something that doesn't really resemble any other experience, so any definition is only meaningful to someone who has experienced it, I think.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I can't stand it any more........
timmy wrote:
> The act of sex is far more than a pork in the park. Gay men can function with women, sexually. Str8 men can function with men. The difference is that "function" implies mechanical acts, whereas true lovemaking seems to need something else. Something...... indefinable?
The thing you find so hard to put a name to is as simple as anything could be.......
That indefinable thing is nothing short of CARING... Caring about the person on the other side of the sheet.... Caring about what he needs. Caring about what he feels and him caring the same for you....
Making love is more than the merging of bodies it is the immersion into the well of feelings of each partner. A mingling of the essence of that thing that is love....
Now I go.....
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I regret that at my stage of life this is mainly what I do about sex - I think about it.
Timmy wrote:
>Men do not, I think, put a penis into the hands of someone who will abuse it. … Looked at dispassionately, neither a penis nor a vagina is particularly aesthetically pleasing.<
I love the phraseology.
To me a lot of penises are aesthetically pleasing as are scrotums (scrota?) and their contents. On the other hand some are extremely ugly and distasteful. I am not talking about size, either. But I definitely do not find vaginas in the least aesthetic.
Hugs
Nigel
[Updated on: Sat, 02 December 2006 09:05]
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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don't go i missed u
Jay
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Ah -- another thread I can't really participate in, having never experienced either sex or love!
My personal opinion of the appearance of penises and scrotums (and, for that matter, vaginas) ranges from very slight interest to distaste. Never intense interest, though occasionally curiosity. On the whole, in my opinion, they are much better left to the imagination, especially when covered up in a pair of tight shorts.
I don't see this as causing a problem, as romance and love are much more important to me, and hopefully would be in any potential partner. I would not seek to exclude sex from such a relationship (now having some idea of what it is like!) but I still have no interest in seeking it out for the purpose of the mechanical act alone. Thus the reason I would not wish to become acquainted with a vagina: because I do not see myself falling in love with a woman (though I admit it is technically possible). If I do, perhaps I will be more interested in it. I assume the same may apply regarding my slight distaste for penises.
David
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Timmy wrote:
>Men do not, I think, put a penis into the hands of someone who will abuse it. … Looked at dispassionately, neither a penis nor a vagina is particularly aesthetically pleasing.<
well to me a vagina is revolting like making a vegan eat meat im sorry yewww
i think yes sex to most is important at some stage but to others andme too but myself personally i dont see it a a main topic of a begining of a relation ship ok i talk about it joke about it but i tend to think about what in side the persons mind as well their pants
i know men and women need to breed to make furture generation as do cattle so there meat for us to eat in the future
or am i missing the point ??????????? me thinks so but in my defence im full of the flu
[Updated on: Fri, 01 December 2006 00:38]
Jay, I love u. You are my heart and my soul.
You are my other half. The final piece to my puzzle. I am complete when I am with you.
You turn a dark day into a bright sunny day.
You make me giddy with joy.Just from hearing your voice.
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Good to see you back, Marc!
Making love is more than the merging of bodies it is the immersion into the well of feelings of each partner. A mingling of the essence of that thing that is love....
Exactly!
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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The thing is, though it is not where you or I wish to place our own penises, it is really neither revolting nor pleasing. It's just a body part with a few flaps of skin. It's as bizarrely formed as an ear or a navel, and is wholly functional.
But I am using body parts, the things that seem to be the ultimate totem of sexuality, to illustrate a question I have found perplexing.
If it is not about body parts (a big "if"), then what is homoexuality and why are we attracted to males?
[Updated on: Fri, 01 December 2006 07:57]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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You can participate with ease. You are attracted to human beings, whether for sex or simply for companionship. You have been known to feel a stirring in the loins when a cute person comes into view.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Deeej wrote:
>On the whole, in my opinion, they are much better left to the imagination, especially when covered up in a pair of tight shorts<
I agree with this point of view and do not find it incompatible with my interest in uncovered male genitals.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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And, in these deliberations, how on earth did the anus become involved? Why do some of us want our penis in another's anus, and others of us want another's penis in our anus?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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okay now THIS is a topic i can relate to. or at least i think i can.
I, for one, of many, have never really thought of sex as being an essential part of a relationship.
I do prefer the talking, quality time spent, and conversations in a relationship, rather then sex.
The whole, getting naked in front of someone is a total TURN-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams* for me^^ lol
and then of COURSE! theres the whole lets rub our sexual body parts together to have an orgasm.
NOW THAT! freaks me the fuck out. ^^ lol and im being totally serious when i say this. lol
relationships shouldnt be about sex.^^
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Hi Josh,
I wonder if you've any idea why you feel that way? Do you want to feel that way or do you wonder if you're missing out on something?
I ask because I used to feel very much the same way. I would not -- could not -- have considered sex until I was at least 19. Since then I've considered it, but I still find the idea difficult and frightening. My opinion has changed, however, largely as a result of discussion with other people and a certain amount of rationalisation. I still don't have much of an attraction to the naked body or the thought of sex, but I have learnt not to exclude the idea entirely on the basis that I don't think I'd like it.
Three particular factors I have identified are the following:
- fear of the unknown (earlier, coming out; nowadays, getting into a situation I can't handle)
- fear of getting physically close to anyone else (I'm a bit funny about hygiene)
- fear of not being able to perform sexually
Becoming aware of these factors has meant that it has become much easier to tell why I am feeling a particular way at a point in time. I can work out whether or not they would apply in certain circumstances rather than allowing them to form a shapeless, unspecified cloud of anxiety that prevents me from broaching the subject entirely. I still find myself worrying about all three, but I'm prepared to accept that I may be wrong on all three counts because of the benefit that others seem to get from it.
In other words, I'm still pretty frightened of sex, but I can tell that the fear is probably irrational provided I test the waters in a very safe environment, and hopefully at that point I will find the worries go away.
Ultimately I can't make any pronouncements -- things along the lines of "sex is wrong/horrible/frightening", "I could never cope with sex as part of a relationship" -- until I've tried it.
I wonder if any of the above could be applied to you?
>relationships shouldnt be about sex.^^
Most people would agree if you put a "just" in there. Relationships are (or should be) all about love and friendship and trust and selflessness. But, biologically speaking, it's undeniable that sex is intended to be part of relationships: sex and the sex drive play a vital role in strengthening the bond between partners and producing children (the latter in heterosexuals, but it's the same drive, as far as I know, in gay people).
David
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... evolutionary theory (and let's be scientific here!) suggests that sex is pleasurable in order to encourage reproduction of the species. In many (but by no means all) species, it is wholly, or almost wholly, an instinctive activity, though courtship rituals may ensure the survival of the most desirable genes. In other species - some birds, and several large mammals - the process involves a lifetime commitment. In a very small number of species - some of the higher primates, including man - the capacity to reason adds an extra dimension; sex is not simply a process of reproduction but a means of providing pleasure to a partner and, thereby, strengthening the partnership bond.
Evolutionary theory also offers some explanations for the existence of homosexuality and bisexuality. The most obvious is the suggestion that alternative sexuality allows a group to thrive even if the sexual equilibrium is disturbed. Only a little less obvious is the suggestion that homosexuals and bisexuals act as a balancing regulator, assisting the group to maintain diversity and therefore adaptability.
Underpinning all of this is the shift from instinct to choice. By and large, man (and his cousins the higher primates) does not operate on the basis of fucking everything in sight; he seeks to form a lasting relationship - probably, in evolutionary terms, because his progeny take many years to reach adulthood. As I've mentioned before, there is a bona fide evolutionary theory that humans release hallucigenic hormones to preserve relationships until offspring are weaned. We call it love!
So all of this is built into our mental programming. Homosexual or heterosexual, the prime concern for most of us is to please our partner. As a result, we are 'programmed' to enjoy doing precisely that. So most str8s find a vagina attractive, and most gays find male plumbing attractive. Bisexuals may be able to appreciate either, though I suspect that most have a preference. Of course, as highly developed organisms, we are more prone to aberrations than those less highly developed, so we have to cope with rapists, sadists and a whole gamut of other deviations which, in many cases, the affected individual did not choose and cannot control.
In essence, then, we are attracted to the physical characteristics of someone else's body because we are 'programmed' to provide pleasure as well as to receive it, and the functionality of the organs concerned is, to a very large extent, totally irrelevant.
I would just add that 'asexuality' - lack of any kind of desire for sexual contact (though there may well be a gender preference for non-sexual associations) - is not yet well understood. Thus far, it seems to be associated with certain specific conditions (Asperger's Syndrome, for example, may involve aversion to physical contact) or with environmental factors; so far as I'm aware there is not as yet any serious suggestion that it is genetic.
But, of course, if you think differently, don't hesitate to let me know!
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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Maybe I’ve missed something. I’ve read all or most of the post in this thread I think but I don’t recall anyone saying anything about the chemical party that goes on in our brains. I don’t know about you guys but sex, attraction, all things mentioned here all go towards a great head rush for me. I mean I have experienced a lot of drugs but this, merging of bodies in all of its component parts is by far the best I have ever experienced. LOL Jimi Hendrix, “Have you ever been experienced? Well, I have!”
It sure seems obvious though that we all experience it to different degrees. This being World AIDS day I will add, Do what ever makes you and your partner happy and feel good. Just remember your playing with a loaded gun as it were. Play safely! One of the worst parts of being infected is an obligation to find all the people you may have wounded. Not a pleasant task! Thank The Great Spirit I haven’t had to live with the knowledge that I mortally wounded anyone. That would have been a hell of a burden to carry.
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Almost forgot. If you are sexually active, get tested!
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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David's analysis is spot on. It might be worth exploring this by talking to him in some depth about what he has found about himself. No-one says that his experiences apply to you, but you may find what he experienced useful in learning more about yourself.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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There's some hevyweight stuff here. I have thoughts on a couple of elements:
> ...As I've mentioned before, there is a bona fide evolutionary theory that humans release hallucigenic hormones to preserve relationships until offspring are weaned. We call it love!
A falls in love with B. Who releases (released?) the hallucinogen?
As an extra question, "If I fell for the wrong gender, caused by a sensitisation to a hallucinogen (I am assuming that I am A and that B released the stuff) and that explains how I know I am homosexual, what about those who have never experienced love? How do they know they are homosexual?"
> I would just add that 'asexuality' - lack of any kind of desire for sexual contact (though there may well be a gender preference for non-sexual associations) - is not yet well understood. Thus far, it seems to be associated with certain specific conditions (Asperger's Syndrome, for example, may involve aversion to physical contact) or with environmental factors; so far as I'm aware there is not as yet any serious suggestion that it is genetic.
I suppose we can blame the MMR vaccine. But serously, Asperger's Syndrome is "designed" so we are all on the Asperger's Spectrum. It's a sort of all encompassing scale, much like Kinsey's. Is there any research to show at what spine point in the scale we may become sexual, or asexual, depending on the direction of travel? (I realise you just mentioned this syndrome and it was not menat as the sole contributor)
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I am in absolute agreement with that. I'd add to that some extra UK information. Free condoms and lube are available at every sexual health clinic. The clinics are wholly anonymous, under Act of Parliament unless you are referred by your doctor.
They are pleasant enough and have ordinary people like you and me in the waiting room.
http://iomfats.org/resources/health/hiv/clinic.html tells you what it is like. Whil enot one of life's most desirable experiences it IS one of life;s most essential ones.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I read David's contribution with interest as it partially applies to me.
In general I am not a toucher and I do not like being touched. Cyber hugs are fine, but with real hugs I would run a mile. At the dentist or under medical examination I have to grit my teeth. (Not easy for the dentist!) However, if I find someone sexually attractive I can overcome this dislike and I want to touch him and after that be touched by him.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Who and what precipitates this cascade of chemicals in the brain whether it be another male or female? I think obviously starts visually, then if we are stimulated from the appearance of someone, in my case, want to get closer to that person, from there it get so complicated. The voice, what the voice has to say, LOL then as things progress and if physical contact is initiated even mores stuff comes into play even down to body odor, even when clean some peoples body odor is not that appealing to me.
Ok from my understanding, the hormones are really the key here. If we do come in to close contact with someone whose hormones send the right chemical keys to our brains that start the avalanche hehe we’re on our way to a very pleasant time. My question is hypothetically within str8t unions this is part of the evolutionary process that helps ensure our survival by way of combining dissimilar endocrine systems, how does this relate to same sex attraction? We will certainly not be producing any progeny. All of this brings up so many questions, mostly unanswerable, I tend to believe some are imbued with a mechanism that as cossie mentioned, that helps keep population in balance? As I look around I see this as all the more reason why same sex unions should become totally acceptable. Abstinence just isn’t going to work for the most part hehe, as has been said sex is just too much fun.
BTW all this stuff about the male or female genitalia not being visually appealing, well, I can think of nothing in art more often depicted from earliest time, even by way of suggestion. The flower the stamens, the penis is way cool looking to me, when I look at some types of orchid one of the first things it reminds me of is the vagina. LOL I hope that doesn’t ruin any bodies love of orchids!
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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Timmy said,
>A falls in love with B. Who releases (released?) the hallucinogen?
I would have assumed A releases whatever these hormones are internally when he falls in love, and likewise B does if/when s/he falls in love with him.
Ah, well, Cossie can explain this one!
>Asperger's Syndrome is "designed" so we are all on the Asperger's Spectrum. It's a sort of all encompassing scale, much like Kinsey's. Is there any research to show at what spine point in the scale we may become sexual, or asexual, depending on the direction of travel? (I realise you just mentioned this syndrome and it was not menat as the sole contributor)
Asperger's syndrome is generally used to classify behaviour and aspects of mental functioning. As far as I know, it isn't usually considered to have much to do with sexuality. The aversion to being touched that Cossie mentioned is likely to create an impediment that prevents "sufferers" from getting involved with anyone else, but as far as I know this does not imply that they have no attraction.
I am fairly sure there is no spectrum specifically for Asperger's, thus finding a "point on the scale" is a bit moot. Asperger's does fall on the autistic spectrum, but as I understand it it covers only a small portion of the scale. Thus finding a "spine point" within the syndrome, which is only a small part of the whole spectrum, would likely be very difficult -- even if a division exists between asexual and sexual Asperger's sufferers, which I personally doubt. People with Asperger's do sometimes also have other autistic traits which fall outside the boundaries of the syndrome, of course.
David
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Hey David.
I dont really know why i feel this way, but I just do. lol. Sex just isnt appealing to me. Not that theres anything wrong with it, but I just dont find it necessary.
Me, I have personal body issues with myself. I dont find myself attractive. I've sorta considered myself a loner. lol. When I go to social groups and things like that, I dont really talk to many people. It's not like I'm scared to open up to people, like, I can get a natural convo going with someone in my mind, but I just cant say it. lol. And I also am shy, so that doesnt help too much. lol.
I suppose you could be right. Tho I do have to say, that I would have to know the person very well, and be comfortable with my body before doing anything about sex.
There are those who feel that sex isnt needed in a relationship. Which must be nice, since they dont have to be burdened by it. Not that sex is a burden, but they dont have to feel its a priority in any given relationship.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Josh wrote:
> There are those who feel that sex isnt needed in a relationship. Which must be nice, since they dont have to be burdened by it. Not that sex is a burden, but they dont have to feel its a priority in any given relationship.
>
I can certainly understand that. The longest-lasting relationship I've had - over a dozen wonderful years - did not involve sex. Hugs, cuddles, physically easy with each other (after the initial stages), but not sex.
On the other hand, in the second most important relationship I've had we were at it like bunnies a lot of the time.
In the abstract, if I had to choose, I'd prefer a relationship that includes sex. But I don't think that relationships which don't include sex are in any way second-best, and I don't feel they are a compromise. For me, making my partner happy and enjoying his happiness is the most important thing, and that can be done by not having sex, as well as by having it!
We're all different, of course, and what works for one person may not work for another.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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I agree.
I'm fine with just cuddling someone, hugging someone, and stuff like that.^^ lol. That's perfectly fine with me.
Whats wierd, is that, maybe one day for me I'd choose the relationship with sex, and the next day, i'd choose the one without. lol. I'm wierd like that I guess.
And I agree with you when you said that being in a relationship, you have to make your partner happy. I think that that is very important.^^
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Josh,
I worry that if you define yourself as someone who doesn't want or doesn't like sex -- without ever having had it -- you're at risk of alienating those people around you with whom you may have stood a chance. The ideal case is that you might be able to find a platonic relationship with someone who feels the same way as you. But if you don't meet such a person, then your hang-ups are likely to make forming a meaningful relationship with anyone else very difficult. They would have made life very difficult for me had I not changed my opinion somewhat over the past couple of years.
As everyone round here keeps reminding me, it's not up to us to judge what we look like. It's pretty much irrelevant to everyone except the one person with whom we wish to find a relationship. So try not to worry about that. I know it's hard.
Regardless of what you decide, good luck. Just remember to keep any potential partner fully informed from the outset -- this will prevent you from hurting them.
Best wishes,
David
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