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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > I am really torn today.... and I came to the place of safety
icon9.gif I am really torn today.... and I came to the place of safety  [message #49105] Mon, 18 February 2008 20:02 Go to next message
yourbestgayfriend is currently offline  yourbestgayfriend

Likes it here
Location: Appleton, Wisconsin, USA
Registered: August 2003
Messages: 214




... to be able to talk and unload in front of those who have cared everytime I have written in the past....

I know some of you may have never heard of me before, but I have been haunting these halls for a while.

Let me go back a little bit. I first came to IOMFATS in about 2001 or 2002, very shortly after I became very honest with myself and life altogether, and came out publicly. I was 39 0r 40 at the time, divorced (I came out after my divorce, not while married), with 3 children, Christopher, who is now 25, Dustin, who is now 19, and Tiffany, who is 17. Within a couple of weeks of admitting to my kids that I am gay, my son Christopher called me, told me off, and has not talked to me since. I miss him terribly, but I must allow him to figure this out for himself.

It is my middle son, Dustin, that I am torn because of....

Dustin has been the most incredible child to raise. He is the one who taught me how blessed I am as a gay man, to have children. I have always said that if all children born were like him, this world would be so overpopulated we wouldn't be able to survive!!!! I always called him my baby boy (yeah... I know that those of you who are under like 25 are reading this and rolling your eyes, but trust me when I say that deep down, most all parents feel this way about their kids... or so I have experienced anyway.)

Well, he just left for the United States Air Force today, and is going in for a minimum of 6 years active duty. I am so proud of him, and I am convinced that he will make an exceptional addition to the Air Force!! I am just so proud...

... and pained...

While it could be much worse, I know I am being selfish here. I can't call him up tomorrow and say "Let's go see this movie" or I can't say to him "Come on out to our place and help us do this or that project, or let's have a bon fire in the woods tonight." I won't be able to say that for a long time... and I am sad. I cried a couple of times today, but of course that is only because of me being selfish. I will miss him so much it already hurts....

But I am so proud!!!! ......

And I am so torn because him being gone already hurts.....

Thanks everyone for letting me get this off my chest. You all still rock my world, even if I don't chime in very often.

Hugs,
BamBam

:-/ :-/ :-/



Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
Re: I am really torn today.... and I came to the place of sa  [message #49106 is a reply to message #49105] Mon, 18 February 2008 20:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13780



My son has been away, travelling, since 11 September. We have had phone calls, emails and can see his blog. But we miss him, too.

So I know a little of how you feel.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I am really torn today.... and I came to the place of safety  [message #49107 is a reply to message #49105] Mon, 18 February 2008 20:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Curtis one who makes noise is currently offline  Curtis one who makes noise

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Location: U.S.A.
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 301



I wish I could tell you that your oldest son will see the errors of his ways, but I cant, and Im sorry. Maybe one day he will allow reason to direct his actions and not fear and emotions. I have the opposit problem, my dad despises and hates me and tried to kill me. On the other hand Im very close to my mom. I know that soon I will be heading off to college and it will be hard on me and her. My mom is special, she has accepted my best friend and now my lover as another son. I know she will miss having me there at the farm on week ends and having supper ready when she gets home in the afternoon. But myself like your son needs to be out on their own and face the world. You will always be there if he needs you and he knows that. When he comes out of service he will be his own man and you will have reason to be doubly proud of him. Then you can help him on his projects and building his family.



Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
Re: I am really torn today.... and I came to the place of sa  [message #49109 is a reply to message #49105] Mon, 18 February 2008 21:18 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



Dear Bambam,

I'm really sorry. I came out to my children before they reached puberty and was completely accepted and now my grandchildren accept me too (although Anna says I'm weird - but that may be because of the clothes I wear).

What we mostly hear and read about is hidebound parents refusing to accept their children's sexuality. It is strange to have the child rejecting the parent. In fact I don't know how it could happen except through the teachings of religion. After all, when it's a child the new sexuality is recent and legitimately a surprise and the child's protest that they are the same child you've always loved has to be repeated a lot before it is believed. But surely a parent can say "I'm the same person I was when I brought you up". And surely they should be believed.

Does Christopher take his mother's side over the divorce? Have you been blamed for that maybe?

You don't mention Tiffany's attitude. My experience with girls is that they are usually more tolerant and understanding.

And I agree that Dustin sounds like a fine young man. Send him my best wishes.

Love,
Anthony
Re: I am really torn today.... and I came to the place of safety  [message #49115 is a reply to message #49105] Tue, 19 February 2008 04:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
marc is currently offline  marc

Needs to get a life!

Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729



Joining the military is a noble choice for a young person.

It will be hard for the first several weeks but when you see him walking up the front walk in his uniform i am sure you will cry, but for pride in a boy coming into his manhood.

The air force is also relatively safe as well.

And the educational perks are wonderful too.



Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
icon7.gif Thanks everyone.... really!!!  [message #49134 is a reply to message #49105] Tue, 19 February 2008 22:09 Go to previous message
yourbestgayfriend is currently offline  yourbestgayfriend

Likes it here
Location: Appleton, Wisconsin, USA
Registered: August 2003
Messages: 214




I just talked to Dustin for the last time before I see him at his graduation. He had to do paperwork this morning for a while, weigh in, etc, and is now on an airplane bound for San Antonio, Texas. I am so proud of him. Marc, I do agree with what you said. Not only that, but Dustin is now in charge of the other 13 recruits going to San Antonio on the same flight as him. He was put in charge of carrying/guarding the paperwork for the recruits, and ensuring that no one gets lost and behaves according to the Air Force Code of Conduct.

Timmy, I hope your son gets home to see you again soon. I may have missed it somewhere along the way, but is he in teh military too, or is he travelling for work/school??? Thanks so much for your sentiments!!!

Curtis, I thought Dustin would have seen them already. it has been years. He actually lived with me up until about a month before I came out. We got along famously. Then, that. I am sure it was a shock for him. At this point, I say too bad. Life goes on. I know I am a little terse in saying that, but really, it is my parental side saying move on. Life can suck, but it doesn't really for him. I do still love hime.

Anthony, Christopher blames his mom totally for our divorce. He has always sided with me. I really think my coming out totally shook his comfort zone, and that is why he is acting this way. Tiffany totally takes Daddy for granted. Oh, she knows how to work me like a puppet. We have always had a great relationship, and while I don't agree with a lot of things she does, she talks to me all the time, we go shopping together when I am home, and she is still my "little Googy Girl." She is always talking to me about boys and her boyfriend, etc... that is great. And as for Dustin, thank you for the good thoughts and well wishes. I am so proud of him. Just having issues with my baby boy growing up. It's me, there.

Oh, and Marc... to add another comment.... you said "It will be hard for the first several weeks but when you see him walking up the front walk in his uniform i am sure you will cry, but for pride in a boy coming into his manhood" I assure you I will not only cry, but probably bawl at that.

You guys are just so great to talk to... albeit via the internet and we are in different parts of the world... you are all great.

I am sending Huge Hugs!!!!!!!

Paul (BamBam) ;-D ;-D ;-D



Celebrate your life... embrace your love... Become intimate with your place in forever !!!
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