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I haven't posted much on the forum the past year because my personal life has been in a state of seemingly constant upheaval. However, I felt the need to write someplace about the past few months of my journey in life. I titled this post "My Anniversary" because February 7 is the day I first came out to another person whom I didn't know personally. He is the friend of a friend. This may sound so very mundane, but it was the first time I acknowledged to someone outside of my comfort-zone friends that I am gay. It was only two years ago that I admitted to someone else what I had known since I was a kid, and it was fine. He is gay, and was married, and completely understood the turmoil inside of me of trying to be a gay man in a straight world. It was on the ski lifts of a New Hampshire mountain where we talked the whole evening about all the ramifications of coming out. He assured me it would get better, but I couldn't see it at the time.
It was a month later when I started counseling for my own sanity and came out to my kids and wife. The girls didn't take it too badly, the wife took it very badly. She assumed that it was going to be only a matter of time when I would be swept off my feet by some good looking guy, and leave her to fend for herself. Her first action was to contact a lawyer and tried to strong-arm me into turning the house over into her name. Oh, dare I say she was going through menopause like Sherman through Atlanta.
We tried to work things out. I was not seeing anyone, but she never believed me. Every time I went on a cycling or ski trip, there was always an inquisition. Essentially, even if I weren't gay, the marriage was doomed. She always would find a way to push my buttons so I would be feeling guilty and fearful of doing something bad against the marriage. We tried marriage counseling. The counselor in retrospect could see that it would not work out, but was very good in letting us (me) figure that out.
Fast forward to this past November. I got the courage to leave, not for someone else, but for myself. Two days later she filed for divorce. I have a great counselor (a new one I have been working with since July) and an attorney with a gay law firm that deals with family law. I'm their typical client. I am very content with my move into my own place and away from the bullying that had become my marriage. I knew I was not happy, but felt that I owed her to stay. After all, the vows were "til death do us part". I realized that neither of us were happy, and I was being used as a banker to fulfill her financial requirements.
There are many other threads I could write about, but won't. To finish my story, I moved into a very small house. I am away from a toxic environment. She has outed me to my mother (who has been great) all my friends (those who had issues don't deserve to be friends and generally no longer are), and has even filed for spousal support even though she has a job equal to mine. Her whole intent is to embarrass me for being gay.
The thing that makes it easy for me is to remind myself that this is for me and no one else. There is no one else in my life, and I am fine with that. That may sound selfish, and I'm ready to wear my Nomex suit for people who find my departure from the marriage offensive.
I think I've told enough of my story. Oh, I have some of the most fantastic friends and co-workers a guy can have. Last night, I was at a super-bowl party hosted by my gay cycling club. Yup, it's nice not living in the Kentucky part of Pennsylvania any more. I've spent more time on the slopes with my snowboard, and not worried about getting the evil eye of suspicion when I return to my own place. I'm looking forward to cycling this summer, not to escape the house, but to be with friends. I am finally learning to be my own person after all these years.
And my kids..When I visited them in Pittsburgh 3 weeks ago, they took me around to all the stores and made me buy foods that I didn't know I needed......and showed me how to make them. They are excited for me in my new life. They realize I'm still their dad, and that's really cool.
Scott......out 2 years today.
Cycling is the one sport where a guy can shave his legs, wear spandex and bright colors, and be accepted.
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