A Place of Safety: General Talk » Dammit, I still know today is a 'special' date

Show: Today's Messages :: Show Polls :: Message Navigator

Dammit, I still know today is a 'special' date [message #72199]

Fri, 25 November 2016 15:46

timmy

Has no life at all

Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13680

This date comes around every year. On 25 November 1951 the boy I was to fall for in 1965 was born.

Every year this date has come by. Dates do that. Some years I was in tears, in pain, heavily stressed over the loss of the love I never had. Other years I have had an easier time.

As time has passed I have understood more and more that my prison is of my own construction, with walls precisely as high as I have created them. Over time I have reduced the height of the walls. Today they are about one brick high. I can trip over them, but they do not contain or constrain me.

This year I find myself thinking "I wonder what would have happened if I had kissed him?" But I am no longer wishing I had kissed him, nor am I obsessing over it or over him. He is not what I thought in 1965, nor the last time he and I met in 1970. I can tell this from his pubic internet persona, where the outgoing boy seems to be a naïve, gauche man. I may wonder what would have happened had I kissed him, but I think, whatever his reaction, I have had a lucky escape!

I mark this anniversary, his 65th birthday, as a beacon for others, a guiding light for a road they must not follow. I would not light this beacon had I not had the mixed fortune to fall for him and to become obsessed with him, for I would not have harmed myself emotionally since 1965 when he wafted into my life for five unrequited years.

[Updated on: Sat, 26 November 2016 08:44]

Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School

Re: Dammit, I still know today is a 'special' date [message #72201 is a reply to message #72199]

Sat, 26 November 2016 00:28

Ashdaw

Toe is in the water

Location: Sydney Australia
Registered: October 2014
Messages: 46

I am sorry that you have this trouble Tim, it sure must be a hard prison to live in.

Hugs for you. Thumbs Up

Re: Dammit, I still know today is a 'special' date [message #72203 is a reply to message #72201]

Sat, 26 November 2016 08:49

timmy

Has no life at all

Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13680

Quote:

Ashdaw wrote on Sat, 26 November 2016 00:28I am sorry that you have this trouble Tim, it sure must be a hard prison to live in.

Hugs for you.

--
Everything we blame that "restricts" us in some manner comes from inside our own heads. It is vital to understand this and to both stop constructing the prison, and to dismantle it, if necessary brick by brick.

We are restricted by our own minds, not by anyone or anything else.

This is hard to do, but starts with realisation, then moves through decision to deal with it to determination to finish the job.

I blamed him for a long time, first for vanishing off the face of my world, and then, when I traced him, for his absolute refusal to meet me. I felt that he was to blame for my continuing in prison, that he held the keys to my cell. Instead I was to blame. I had the solution in my own hands.

Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School

Previous Topic:	Site outage
Next Topic:	Without paedophiles no youth movements would flourish. - Discuss

Goto Forum:

[ Syndicate this forum (XML) ] [

]

We support Ukraine — Мы поддерживаем Украину — Ми підтримуємо Україну

We support Ukraine — Мы поддерживаем Украину — Ми підтримуємо Україну