A Place of Safety
I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love.
Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving!
We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register

You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Terminology of Gayness
Terminology of Gayness  [message #75851] Fri, 26 July 2019 22:27 Go to next message

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13696

I like gay porn. What I find odd is the terminology. Examples:
  • Femme
  • Sissy
  • Sissygasm

I am damn sure I am not a sissy. I also am sure I want to be anally penetrated, I have an excellent dildo collection. I'd love to have an anal induced orgasm, handsfree!

So I'm a bloke, an ordinary man who really wants to be fucked long and hard by the right man, or men.  Does that make me a sissy, or femme?

Why do 'we' use demeaning terminology for ourselves?

Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Terminology of Gayness  [message #75852 is a reply to message #75851] Sat, 27 July 2019 00:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Paul Schroder is currently offline  Paul Schroder

Getting started
Location: Idaho, U.S.A.
Registered: April 2012
Messages: 17

You and I grew up in a society that disdained homosexuality, still does to a lesser degree. Both active and submissive partners were looked upon with equal disdain; however, the submissive partner even more so. Being gay was bad enough, society reasons, but to allow another person to penetrate you anally then makes you a total sissy.These are perceptions that I think are slowly changing as people become more aware of the gay lifestyle and culture. For instance, if you look at two male partners and one is built like a weight-lifter and the other like a ballet-artist, most people assume the big guy to be the assertive partner. That ain't necessarily so. The more gays that live an out of the closet existence will give straight folk more opportunities to dispel stereotypes.I think it will be a long time before the heterosexual male population will ever be comfortable with the concept of an anally induced orgasm. We do hear about straight couples who are into experimenting though. Change has happened unbelievably fast over the last 10 years. Who knows what the next 10 years will bring. I hope I'm still around to witness it.
Re: Terminology of Gayness  [message #75855 is a reply to message #75851] Tue, 30 July 2019 10:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
NW is currently offline  NW

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1557

Timmy said "Why do 'we' use demeaning terminology for ourselves?"

I think there are a couple of things here.

Firstly, in the specific context of porn. Some people get off on being verbally humiliated - it's a subset of BDSM (though one I find particularly unappealing). Most such people are straight, and I think the majority is men who enjoy being abused/dominated by women. Some such people are gay (or lesbian). So there's clearly a place for role-play of this nature. Whether it's more common in gay porn than straight porn is a good question. Personally, I've seen very little such material - I obviously frequent a different selection of gay porn sites to Timmy!

Secondly, there's the broader issue of people using terms like "sissy" about themselves. Some of it - especially among the rather young and the rather old - is probably the dreaded "internalised homophobia". Some of it is a deliberate attempt to "reclaim" such words - by using them about oneself, one removes some of the sting when others use them. But an increasing amount of it, I think, it about being at ease with oneself: it's a form of social role-play where one is effectively denying the negative connotations by both accepting and gently mocking the labels. So, for example, if I change a tap (faucet) washer for a friend  who has no DIY skills, I might remark, or they might remark, "if you want it done right, get a fag in" (instead of "get a man in").

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: Terminology of Gayness  [message #75893 is a reply to message #75855] Fri, 06 September 2019 14:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Blumoogle is currently offline  Blumoogle

Likes it here
Location: South Africa
Registered: October 2004
Messages: 159

My recent experience, dating a very manly adonis guy with very considerable assets who was exclusively a bottom and a submissive in our BDSM-flavoured relationship and who came out of the closet halfway through our relationship as a straight female who just happened to have a penis is that sometimes - just sometimes - the desire and joy in being called a sissy and other demeaning terms associated with being female is from repressed transsexuality and some of it is sometimes from masochistic tendencies.

Maybe the porn industry is tapping into one or the other of such latent desires in the gay market, which is gradually becoming more open about itself still, despite all the progress over the last few years.
Re: Terminology of Gayness  [message #75898 is a reply to message #75851] Thu, 12 September 2019 05:59 Go to previous message
Mark Driver is currently offline  Mark Driver

Getting started
Location: California
Registered: March 2017
Messages: 21

A lot of straight guys enjoy that feeling up in there.  Something to think about.
Previous Topic: We've got our own troubles...
Next Topic: Coming Out Day 2019
Goto Forum: