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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > The pronoun thing.
The pronoun thing.  [message #78582] Sat, 12 August 2023 14:45 Go to next message
NW is currently offline  NW

On fire!
Location: Worcester, England
Registered: January 2005
Messages: 1560



In several of the assorted circles I move in - mainly on line - it has become customary for people to "state their pronouns". I'm very happy for people to do so if they find it helpful. However, although I'm often considered "fairly woke for an old guy", I'm resistant to declaring pronouns for myself. To add (he/him) to my name or signature feels rather like asserting a conventional masculinity which I don't aspire to. He/him and they/them are both fine for other people to use when talking about me, but feel like properties other people are ascribing rather than something I claim for myself.

How do others feel about the pronoun thing? Do you declare them, or assume it's obvious, or use non-traditional pronouns,or have reservations of one kind or another?


"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
Re: The pronoun thing.  [message #78583 is a reply to message #78582] Sat, 12 August 2023 18:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751



Those who find it important will do it

I find it unimportant for me

I try to respect the pronouns of those who find it important

[Updated on: Sat, 12 August 2023 20:58]



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: The pronoun thing.  [message #78584 is a reply to message #78583] Sun, 13 August 2023 15:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
cole parker is currently offline  cole parker

Toe is in the water
Location: California
Registered: July 2018
Messages: 38



"Respect the pronouns of those who find it important."  I can't think of a better way to say this.  And it can be extended to most human relations.

C
Re: The pronoun thing.  [message #78586 is a reply to message #78584] Tue, 22 August 2023 02:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ray2x is currently offline  ray2x

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 429



I'm a retired adult ed counselor, having worked for the Los Angeles school district. The pronoun thing was taken seriously by the district, as well as the counseling division. The struggle was to ferret out what pronoun a student wanted us to use. Some would tell you how to address them, many would expect us to automatically know by their manner, or dress, or whatever tiny bit of information there was at hand. It was akin to the biblical story found in Daniel, where a king wanted his dream seers to know what the king dreamt without him telling them the dream first. Sometimes, I guessed correctly, sometimes not. At least, many students felt our efforts to correctly use the pronoun they wanted used was commendable. I hope future students will let the counseling staff know which pronoun they prefer to be addressed as.
Re: The pronoun thing.  [message #78587 is a reply to message #78586] Tue, 22 August 2023 08:07 Go to previous message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751



I volunteer with two disability charities, membership of which is open to all with self declared disability.  We have two M2F members. One is "in yer face" militantly expectig people to get her pronouns correct. The other is gentle, unassuming, and has never given any of us a clue that she is even M2F. To be fair, even with shaved facial stubble, they may not be.

In either case, use of their forename , and the second person singular is appropriate.

Obviously their disabilities are not whether they are M2F or not.


Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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