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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > I was outed
I was outed  [message #74708] Wed, 15 August 2018 00:10 Go to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

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Location: Mexico
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A few days ago a group friends and i were drinking in a tavern, we were drunk of course , one of them i consider him like my big brother , he is my best friend , i thought he never knew about my problems accepting my sexuality , well just like that he told everybody he once view my cellphone a saw something suspicius (that time i was reading something in nifty and let open the window ) i feel destroyed , i feel i can not trust in him anymore , im thinking in cut that friendship , i am asking for advice please ...



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74709 is a reply to message #74708] Wed, 15 August 2018 07:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
chrisr is currently offline  chrisr

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Location: AZ - US
Registered: April 2018
Messages: 9



Joe - I truly feel your pain and anxiety after being outed. That can be devastating if you're not ready for such an event, especially in front of a group of friends. But there are two things that stand out in your post.

First is your statement that you thought he never knew about your problems accepting your sexuality. If true then he may have assumed that you were out to people already. (Especially if he was three sheets to the wind!) It doesn't sound as though he did it maliciously, and may actually have opened a pathway for you to acknowledge your own status while helping build more honest and open relationships.

Second, and far more important, is that this is your best friend. You don't toss somebody from that position like a paper cup in a trash bin. Yes, you're hurting. But that's when you most need your best friend. Looking for a new one, or climbing into a shell to avoid such a search altogether, is almost never the solution. Call him and set a time to meet in person. Tell him your feelings. THANK him for trying to help you expand your horizons, but ASK MOST FERVENTLY that he respect your limits in future.

In the meanwhile try to shake off feelings of doom in your personal life. Let THEM get over it as you march right long.
Re: I was outed  [message #74711 is a reply to message #74708] Wed, 15 August 2018 08:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



"Joe.mx wrote on Wed, 15 August 2018 01:10"
A few days ago a group friends and i were drinking in a tavern, we were drunk of course , one of them i consider him like my big brother , he is my best friend , i thought he never knew about my problems accepting my sexuality , well just like that he told everybody he once view my cellphone a saw something suspicius (that time i was reading something in nifty and let open the window ) i feel destroyed , i feel i can not trust in him anymore , im thinking in cut that friendship , i am asking for advice please ...

--
I am not sure how your nation views homosexuality, and, if it views it as acceptable, I am then not sure whether you live in an area where it is difficult to be homosexual. So my advice starts with asking you to take two steps back and to think about the wider issue.

Having thought about it, then consider whether being out will be a help for you or will cause you personal problems. Do that from two paces back, too.

This is either a great chance to be out or a great chance to go even more firmly into the closet. I was outed when I was a teenager. I chose the closet. My nation was, then, hostile to homosexuality despite it having just made it legal in 1967 and I saw it as my survival strategy. Today I regret that decision, but I have the wisdom of fifty more years to inform that regret. Then it was the correct strategy for me because I would have been harmed by it and that harm would have been done by my mother in terms of aversion therapy.

I see your choices as either:
  • Laugh it off. "Yeah, I had a look at the Nifty archive! You mean you haven't heard of it? Wow. Great archive of erotic tales, but none to my taste! Learnt more than I wanted about what gay folk do!!"
  • Come out. "The other night, when we were drunk, [friend] said he saw something suspicious on my phone. I suppose he was trying to help me tell you all that I am gay, though it hurt a bit at the time because I half felt he was letting me down. Today, sober, I am frightened of your reaction, but it's time I told you more about myself, so I am. I happen to be gay. I am also the same guy you have always known." Be prepared for teasing and for questions. Teasing is good. It means they are on your side. Questions are good. They have never been able to ask a gay person things before.

Of course your words will be your own, but those seem to me to be the two choices.

In either case do not lose your friend unless it is by his choice. I suspect it will not be and he will remain a friend

Me? I laughed my outing off. I then hid inside my head from the age of 17 to the age of 48. At 66 I am still recovering from the harm I caused to myself emotionally all those hidden years. It was necessary harm at the time. A year later it would not have been, for I would have left home for university. But at university being closeted was already my natural ingrained state.

The main message is that you will get past this. It feels shitty right now, but you will get past this and thrive.

[Updated on: Wed, 15 August 2018 09:02]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74712 is a reply to message #74711] Wed, 15 August 2018 09:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



Sometimes stories here are timely. Look at this excerpt from What a Difference a Day Makes, published today.
"Quote:"
The next day, Mark comes round to visit. I introduce Ben and they seem to hit it off. Ben tells him about the article I've been asked to write, and asks Mark, straight out, how he reacted when I told him I was gay.'

First, it was no big surprise, and second it doesn't make any difference. I mean, I like Toby - yeah, I know, weird, but true - and the fact that he's gay doesn't change any of that. He's still the smart, fun, kind, and occasionally bloody irritating, friend he always has been. Nothing's changed; I'm still perfectly happy to be naked in the showers with him after we've played squash or gone swimming. It's not like he's gone from being a nice guy to some kind of predator just because he's come out is it? And if he'd rather it's a boy sucking his cock than a girl, why should I care...more girls for me.'

[Updated on: Wed, 15 August 2018 09:07]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74714 is a reply to message #74708] Wed, 15 August 2018 18:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Dominick St James is currently offline  Dominick St James

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"i feel i can not trust in him anymore , im thinking in cut that friendship , i am asking for advice please ..."

Cut.

Remember it takes two to tango, if he was your best friend, then you were his. You were equals in that. Ask yourself this: 'How much do I value the integrity of my sexual being?' You offered your integrity to him open handed, for acceptance, and he spat it back in your face.
Re: I was outed  [message #74715 is a reply to message #74714] Wed, 15 August 2018 19:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



"Dominick St James wrote on Wed, 15 August 2018 19:43"
"i feel i can not trust in him anymore , im thinking in cut that friendship , i am asking for advice please ..."

Cut.

Remember it takes two to tango, if he was your best friend, then you were his. You were equals in that. Ask yourself this: 'How much do I value the integrity of my sexual being?' You offered your integrity to him open handed, for acceptance, and he spat it back in your face.

--
Maybe he is guilty as charged, but what will help Joe.mx most?

Will it be continuing to enjoy the friendship and forgiving the rather large indiscretion while working out how to cause the least damage to himself, or will it be dumping this friend and also probably dumping the rest of the circle, or will it be having a quiet chat, or will it be having a blazing row?

[Updated on: Wed, 15 August 2018 19:09]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74717 is a reply to message #74715] Wed, 15 August 2018 20:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



Thank you so much for the caring timmy and chris i really appreciate this , we Saw each other last night we talk for about 5 minutes, he apologized , he seemed truly ashamed , he gave me a hug, and says it's okay , i forgive him in that moment , but honestly i only do it to make him feel better , i truly love him ,its a brother , but i can't get out of my mind the look in his face when he say that , maybe its me but he looked like he was enjoining seeing me in that vulnerable position

[Updated on: Wed, 15 August 2018 20:34]




Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74718 is a reply to message #74714] Wed, 15 August 2018 20:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



"Dominick St James wrote on Wed, 15 August 2018 13:43"
"i feel i can not trust in him anymore , im thinking in cut that friendship , i am asking for advice please ..."
Cut.

Remember it takes two to tango, if he was your best friend, then you were his. You were equals in that. Ask yourself this: 'How much do I value the integrity of my sexual being?' You offered your integrity to him open handed, for acceptance, and he spat it back in your face.

--


Thank you dominik , i never speak to him about my sexuality , he figured out,we were drunk , i dont know if he do it that to help me to make that step like crhis and timmy says , or maybe he have hard feelings on me that im not aware , thank you for caring

[Updated on: Wed, 15 August 2018 20:44]




Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74719 is a reply to message #74709] Wed, 15 August 2018 20:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



"chrisr wrote on Wed, 15 August 2018 02:00"
Joe - I truly feel your pain and anxiety after being outed. That can be devastating if you're not ready for such an event, especially in front of a group of friends. But there are two things that stand out in your post.

First is your statement that you thought he never knew about your problems accepting your sexuality. If true then he may have assumed that you were out to people already. (Especially if he was three sheets to the wind!) It doesn't sound as though he did it maliciously, and may actually have opened a pathway for you to acknowledge your own status while helping build more honest and open relationships.

Second, and far more important, is that this is your best friend. You don't toss somebody from that position like a paper cup in a trash bin. Yes, you're hurting. But that's when you most need your best friend. Looking for a new one, or climbing into a shell to avoid such a search altogether, is almost never the solution. Call him and set a time to meet in person. Tell him your feelings. THANK him for trying to help you expand your horizons, but ASK MOST FERVENTLY that he respect your limits in future.

In the meanwhile try to shake off feelings of doom in your personal life. Let THEM get over it as you march right long.

--


Thank you crhis



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74720 is a reply to message #74711] Wed, 15 August 2018 21:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



[quote="timmy wrote on Wed, 15 August 2018 03:08"]"Joe.mx wrote on Wed, 15 August 2018 01:10"
A few days ago a group friends and i were drinking in a tavern, we were drunk of course , one of them i consider him like my big brother , he is my best friend , i thought he never knew about my problems accepting my sexuality , well just like that he told everybody he once view my cellphone a saw something suspicius (that time i was reading something in nifty and let open the window ) i feel destroyed , i feel i can not trust in him anymore , im thinking in cut that friendship , i am asking for advice please ...

--
I am not sure how your nation views homosexuality, and, if it views it as acceptable, I am then not sure whether you live in an area where it is difficult to be homosexual. So my advice starts with asking you to take two steps back and to think about the wider issue.

Having thought about it, then consider whether being out will be a help for you or will cause you personal problems. Do that from two paces back, too.

This is either a great chance to be out or a great chance to go even more firmly into the closet. I was outed when I was a teenager. I chose the closet. My nation was, then, hostile to homosexuality despite it having just made it legal in 1967 and I saw it as my survival strategy. Today I regret that decision, but I have the wisdom of fifty more years to inform that regret. Then it was the correct strategy for me because I would have been harmed by it and that harm would have been done by my mother in terms of aversion therapy.

I see your choices as either:
  • Laugh it off. "Yeah, I had a look at the Nifty archive! You mean you haven't heard of it? Wow. Great archive of erotic tales, but none to my taste! Learnt more than I wanted about what gay folk do!!"
  • Come out. "The other night, when we were drunk, [friend] said he saw something suspicious on my phone. I suppose he was trying to help me tell you all that I am gay, though it hurt a bit at the time because I half felt he was letting me down. Today, sober, I am frightened of your reaction, but it's time I told you more about myself, so I am. I happen to be gay. I am also the same guy you have always known." Be prepared for teasing and for questions. Teasing is good. It means they are on your side. Questions are good. They have never been able to ask a gay person things before.

Of course your words will be your own, but those seem to me to be the two choice


Thank you timmy , in my country , feeling towars homosexualy depends in were you live , to the south even its dangerous being gay , low education , i live in center mexico to the pacific ocean side , good education , good economy , but i live in a small town , maybe 20,000 people , everybody knows almost evebody ,and i am sort of knowed because of my job ,being gay is not a big deal here , but news runs quickly , in all that mess im gratefull that this group of friends is thight , they dont tell , well i hope they dont , im not ready , i just want to dig a hole and hide there forever



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74721 is a reply to message #74720] Wed, 15 August 2018 21:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



Just to add to this mess ,my best friend have a little brother and saying little brother i mean he have 27 years , this guy started like 1 year ago to flirt with me very subtle ,i follow his silly game, and maybe thats the problem , he is ok with me being gay , but not with his little brother being gay

[Updated on: Wed, 15 August 2018 21:25]




Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74722 is a reply to message #74721] Wed, 15 August 2018 21:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



"Joe.mx wrote on Wed, 15 August 2018 22:19"
Just to add to this mess ,my best friend have a little brother and saying little brother i mean he have 27 years , this guy started like 1 year ago to flirt with me very subtle ,i follow his silly game, and maybe thats the problem , he is ok with me being gay , but not with his little brother being gay

--
My instinct says that this is a useful time to sit down over coffee with your good friend and have a heart to heart talk. Do not raise the topic of his younger brother. If that comes to the surface then it will come to the surface, but clear the air with your friend. We can never have too many friends.

When I was maybe 26 I fell out with a really good friend over something poitless and silly. We next spoke 39 years later.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74723 is a reply to message #74722] Wed, 15 August 2018 22:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
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Messages: 40



Thank you timmy , i dont know if i can openly talk about that , and i think we need to cool off our minds first, but it worth a try , we shared so many goods times , he is for me the light when times get hard and dark , it worth a try , thank you



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74749 is a reply to message #74723] Sat, 18 August 2018 15:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



Now a few days have passed, have your thoughts come further towards a conclusion?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74765 is a reply to message #74749] Mon, 20 August 2018 21:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
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Messages: 40



"timmy wrote on Sat, 18 August 2018 10:55"
Now a few days have passed, have your thoughts come further towards a conclusion?

--


Hi timmy , im still hurted , i dont know if things will be ever be the same , maybe i can forgive but i can forget , the damage is done , feel like something is broke



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74766 is a reply to message #74765] Mon, 20 August 2018 21:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
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Messages: 40



By the way , i knew for one of the guys a few days ago that the day after that terrible night his wife asked for the divorce (i never was aware of marriage problems), karma? He took his frustations on me , not fair , i wont be his punching bag

[Updated on: Mon, 20 August 2018 21:35]




Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74767 is a reply to message #74765] Mon, 20 August 2018 21:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



"Joe.mx wrote on Mon, 20 August 2018 22:22"

"timmy wrote on Sat, 18 August 2018 10:55"
Now a few days have passed, have your thoughts come further towards a conclusion?

--


Hi timmy , im still hurted , i dont know if things will be ever be the same , maybe i can forgive but i can forget , the damage is done , feel like something is broke

--
I wonder if I might suggest you look at this differently. You do not need to, of course, but it might help. And you can always return to looking at it the same way if that suits you better.

I practice a skill called Mindfulness. Some suggest it is a form of meditation, others a way of thinking. In truth it is whatever you need it to be. Broadly, it means to look at the way you feel about something and to decide unemotionally how to react to it, and to consider the effect that decision has on you. The discipline is to do it with care and without emotional hurt.

Please experiment with your thinking. Examine the event, and do so in some detail, until you determine with absolute precision how it made you feel at the time. Then replay the event and consider how you might react in a way that gives you peace of mind, perhaps even contentment.

As an experiment, try for a few minutes to live with peace of mind, or even contentment.

Now compare how each makes you feel, the hurt and the contentment. You have the ability to choose which way you carry the even forward in your mind. You can even swap between the two feelings as often as you wish or need until you settle on the most useful.


Your friend was not behaving well that night, but how much does that matter?  Are you carrying hurt with you because that is a good thing to do, or for a different reason?


All I ask you to do is to think. Be truly selfish. I mean by this "Do/think what YOU need to do/think, for YOU."

[Updated on: Mon, 20 August 2018 21:44]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74768 is a reply to message #74767] Mon, 20 August 2018 22:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



"timmy wrote on Mon, 20 August 2018 16:44"
"Joe.mx wrote on Mon, 20 August 2018 22:22"

"timmy wrote on Sat, 18 August 2018 10:55"
Now a few days have passed, have your thoughts come further towards a conclusion?

--


Hi timmy , im still hurted , i dont know if things will be ever be the same , maybe i can forgive but i can forget , the damage is done , feel like something is broke

--
I wonder if I might suggest you look at this differently. You do not need to, of course, but it might help. And you can always return to looking at it the same way if that suits you better.

I practice a skill called Mindfulness. Some suggest it is a form of meditation, others a way of thinking. In truth it is whatever you need it to be. Broadly, it means to look at the way you feel about something and to decide unemotionally how to react to it, and to consider the effect that decision has on you. The discipline is to do it with care and without emotional hurt.

Please experiment with your thinking. Examine the event, and do so in some detail, until you determine with absolute precision how it made you feel at the time. Then replay the event and consider how you might react in a way that gives you peace of mind, perhaps even contentment.

As an experiment, try for a few minutes to live with peace of mind, or even contentment.

Now compare how each makes you feel, the hurt and the contentment. You have the ability to choose which way you carry the even forward in your mind. You can even swap between the two feelings as often as you wish or need until you settle on the most useful.


Your friend was not behaving well that night, but how much does that matter?  Are you carrying hurt with you because that is a good thing to do, or for a different reason?


All I ask you to do is to think. Be truly selfish. I mean by this "Do/think what YOU need to do/think, for YOU."

--


Im in that timmy thank you , i have denied to hang with the guys until i have decided what i have to do , im with my mind hot , my father teach to not make decisions when im in anger , i come here and asked for advice , you have no idea what thats means to me to have this place and you guys caring , thank you so much



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74771 is a reply to message #74768] Tue, 21 August 2018 00:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Mark

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Location: Earth
Registered: April 2013
Messages: 261



Joe, your father gave you some very good advice.  Acting when you're angry only makes things worse.  Step back from the situation for a bit, take a few deep breaths (I find doing that works wonders for me when I'm in any sort of stressful situation), and don't do anything rash.
Re: I was outed  [message #74772 is a reply to message #74768] Tue, 21 August 2018 07:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



"Joe.mx wrote on Mon, 20 August 2018 23:04"

Im in that timmy thank you , i have denied to hang with the guys until i have decided what i have to do , im with my mind hot , my father teach to not make decisions when im in anger , i come here and asked for advice , you have no idea what thats means to me to have this place and you guys caring , thank you so much

--
What I think is this. Take steps to cool your mind. I think you are afraid and that causes anger. I don't think you are simply angry. What I believe will help is switching off the anger. Ok, you just said "I can't just switch it off!" as you read that but actually you can, because being angry is a choice.

Your friend made a mistake. You have stopped being angry about all his other mistakes as time passed. This one be positive about and switch off the anger. It's a decision. Try "Fuck it, this is pointless I will not be angry. Then I can deal with the fear with a clear head!"

And then you handle the fear.

Tell me with absolute precision what you are afraid of. Don't worry that English is your second language, you have enough precision. Make a list and then we can look at that list and work our if it is a reality or if it is:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. I have presented worst case scenarios to myself over my life and always been surprised when they did not happen. The worst was when I was outed in school. I thought I would face:
  • ridicule
  • being shunned
  • being reported to the house master
  • my being expelled and never seeing the boy I adored (uselessly) ever again
  • the housemaster telling my parents
  • my mother sending me for aversion therapy

I concluded I would have to kill myself. I am rather pleased I did not, because, apart from minor silly teasing, I was treated just the same by everyone.

That list of mine was hot in my head that night when I cycled home form school. I was choosing which truck to throw mysel;f under. None were quite the right truck. And I also wanted to see the boy I truly adored (who was not the one I was outed over) one more time before I died. I was in a very dark place, but I made it.

I am not better than you.

You can choose to make it as well.

The first step is hanging with the guys again.

[Updated on: Tue, 21 August 2018 07:10]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74785 is a reply to message #74771] Thu, 23 August 2018 16:29 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



"Mark wrote on Mon, 20 August 2018 19:00"
Joe, your father gave you some very good advice.  Acting when you're angry only makes things worse.  Step back from the situation for a bit, take a few deep breaths (I find doing that works wonders for me when I'm in any sort of stressful situation), and don't do anything rash.

--


Thank you mark



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74786 is a reply to message #74785] Thu, 23 August 2018 16:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



Honestly i dont know of what im afraid of , if people know that im gay or bisexual is not a big deal , i think i have gained the respect of the people that know me , but im still in the hope of find a girl and have a family , if some day people have to know about me i want to be for my mouth , in my time , when im ready , and in my therms , the thought of kill my self has been in the past , i never never never will do that , (people that are reading this specially the young ones please never do that , like timmy says , it will get better )
It seems that i just born with bad luck , my father was a very good man with alcohol problems , i have two bigger slibbings , 2 pieces of %#€& , i never ask for help to them , just once and i was kicked in the ass , i dont trust in anybody , just my mom and that guy i thought was my friend , i was abused when i was 8 or 9 years old , that piece of sh@%# told me if i told he will kill my dad , my sister in law send me a text about 3 years ago and say she was in love with me , my fathers sisters wants me to fail , they want to see me failed , every time that something good happen to me is followed for something very bad , im just tired , but i never will give up , it seems that is just me my mom aganist the world



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74787 is a reply to message #74786] Thu, 23 August 2018 17:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



"Joe.mx wrote on Thu, 23 August 2018 17:49"
Honestly i dont know of what im afraid of , if people know that im gay or bisexual is not a big deal , i think i have gained the respect of the people that know me , but im still in the hope of find a girl and have a family , if some day people have to know about me i want to be for my mouth , in my time , when im ready , and in my therms , the thought of kill my self has been in the past , i never never never will do that , (people that are reading this specially the young ones please never do that , like timmy says , it will get better )
It seems that i just born with bad luck , my father was a very good man with alcohol problems , i have two bigger slibbings , 2 pieces of %#€& , i never ask for help to them , just once and i was kicked in the ass , i dont trust in anybody , just my mom and that guy i thought was my friend , i was abused when i was 8 or 9 years old , that piece of sh@%# told me if i told he will kill my dad , my sister in law send me a text about 3 years ago and say she was in love with me , my fathers sisters wants me to fail , they want to see me failed , every time that something good happen to me is followed for something very bad , im just tired , but i never will give up , it seems that is just me my mom aganist the world

--
It seems as if you find girls to be at least of interest. That is a good thing sicne your ambition is to marry. Mine was, too, yet I am not bisexual. I did fall in love with a pretty girl, and we have been married many years. We have a son. I am still gay, and that fact has not made our marriage easy. But whose marriage is easy anyway?

All those things you list, they are under your control to choose how to behave for each.  At the moment your choice is 'me against the world', but is that how it is, or how you have chosen to look at it?

This wish for you to fail, that is annoying. I dislike the people who wish you to fail. I wish you to succeed, to fly high and land safely. Whose wishes feel better for you, theirs or mine?

Your older siblings, they are making their choices in the world. You are making yours. Their choices cannot influence your choices, or you allow them to control your life



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: I was outed  [message #74788 is a reply to message #74787] Thu, 23 August 2018 18:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Joe.mx is currently offline  Joe.mx

Toe is in the water
Location: Mexico
Registered: April 2017
Messages: 40



Thanks for the good wishes , it feels good , i will try a fuck it , i try to ignore those bad memories , Past is in the past , i have ghosts but they not have control on me ,my friend ? If cares for the friendship he will try to reach me and make a good apology and not that poor im sorry , im not closed any door , im down for now , but i will be ok , im more strong with every hit that life sends , thank you



Be strong , so that nobody can defeat you ,
Be noble , so that nobody can humiliate you,
Be yourself , so that nobody can forgets you.
Re: I was outed  [message #74789 is a reply to message #74788] Thu, 23 August 2018 19:14 Go to previous message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13607



"Joe.mx wrote on Thu, 23 August 2018 19:28"
Thanks for the good wishes , it feels good , i will try a fuck it , i try to ignore those bad memories , Past is in the past , i have ghosts but they not have control on me ,my friend ? If cares for the friendship he will try to reach me and make a good apology and not that poor im sorry , im not closed any door , im down for now , but i will be ok , im more strong with every hit that life sends , thank you

--
When you talk to your friend, this may sound odd, but please put yourself into his place. Do it well with his feelings in mind as well as yours.

If i may give you an objective, your objective is to continue and strengthen  your friendship as well as handling the issues that may or may not have been raised.

As to the other things in your life, these take time to process well, and you might need to select a therapist to talk them through with, or you may choose to handle them yourself. I am as strong as you, and I chose a therapist



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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