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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Condoms?
Condoms?  [message #78493] Thu, 23 March 2023 17:01 Go to next message
ThisRick is currently offline  ThisRick

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Location: Western USA
Registered: October 2021
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I have been enjoying the well written and uplifting story What Else Is There?, thank you Al Norris for writing and sharing it.

I am curious about a bit of advice Uncle George gave to the young men, though:

This was a side of my uncle I had never seen. He reached into the bag he had and tossed each of us a foil-wrapped condom. "One thing you both should get into the habit of doing is put a sock on that damned worm,each and every time."

This was known as the "condom code" in the bad days of AIDS. From what I have read and experienced, this kind of dogmatic approach is no longer considered a useful approach to controlling HIV spread, even before PrEP became widely available. About a decade ago I participated in a counseling session for sexually active gay men and the approach used was to know your risk, understand what you are comfortable with, and work on maintaining boundaries.

I found the counseling surprisingly useful. A partner had done something I was uncomfortable with while I was asleep and it helped me get through that.

For me, even before PrEP, I have participated in risky behaviors (bottoming without protection) when I felt comfortable, and used a condom when not. While being of an age and disposition that makes it unlikely I will have another partner, PrEP adds another variable, but condoms are still useful for preventing the transmission of other diseases I'd rather not deal with.

Seems to me that for two young men who haven't had any previous sexual contact they should have the option to experience the intimacy of exchanging fluids.

[Updated on: Thu, 23 March 2023 17:06]

Re: Condoms?  [message #78494 is a reply to message #78493] Thu, 23 March 2023 19:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
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It comes down to the dgnity of risk. Two virgins are unlikely to have any STIs to pass to each other. HIV is not the only STI. Additionally faeces enterimg the urethra can cause urinary tract infections. So one need to think and choose what risk to accept



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Condoms?  [message #78501 is a reply to message #78494] Sun, 26 March 2023 23:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bensiamin is currently offline  Bensiamin

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Good point about UTIs, Tim, but another fundamental element of teen sex education is cleanliness.

Sex is messy and involves waster products, and a clean rectum for anal sex, whether hetero or homo, is a very important and little discussed part of sexual health!





Bensiamin
Re: Condoms?  [message #78502 is a reply to message #78494] Mon, 27 March 2023 10:56 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Al N. is currently offline  Al N.

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I'm thrilled that someone here likes my story, just judging from the emails I've received. I didn't expect anyone to start a thread about the story so that also gives me a thrill... LOL, even if it is a critique about the impromptu sex education!

Other than the fact that George may be a bit old-fashioned, the point about picking up a UTI during anal intercourse is never talked about but should be. Kind of wished I had thought of that! Thanks, Timmy.

Whether or not both boys are virgins, the cleanliness aspect is paramount. Um, young first-timers are expected to be thorough in cleaning? Rhetorical question.
Re: Condoms?  [message #78503 is a reply to message #78502] Mon, 27 March 2023 11:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13773



It's pretty obvious that getting a shit covered dick devalues the experience, especially if the relevant dick is natural and it gets under the foreskin. That's a deal more careful sheet avoidance than anyone wants! Getting a UTI as well would take it into the realms of a never again experience.

I'd love to hope that kids understand inner cleanliness, but why would they?  And imagine buying the kit you need!  Seriously, how does one do that at 14, 15, 16, 20, 25, 30?

And, enema fetishists apart, how do folk know the right amount of water to use to flush? We want a water pistol, not a firehose!

[Updated on: Mon, 27 March 2023 11:13]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Condoms?  [message #78504 is a reply to message #78503] Tue, 28 March 2023 22:18 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bensiamin is currently offline  Bensiamin

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Timmy;

I'd argue that it should begin with parental sex education - you know, the "birds and bees" talk where the kit includes condoms, lube and an enema bulb.

Of coruse, the vast majority of parents never have that conversation with their children, most oursource it to school sex ed classes, etc. Typically they're too embarassed to have the conversation or think it will be endorsing sex. 

I assume that acquiring all of the components are much easier now than they were in my youth, LOL! Lube is in the personal hygeine section of most drug stores. Condoms are too, though I can imagine in some locales they are "behind the cash register!" Enema bulbs are sold by most drug stores. If one can't find an enema bulb, the next simplest solution is to buy a Fleet enema which is pre-filled in a disposable enema bulb. Empty out the contents, replace with warm water, and there you have it. Enema bulbs hold the right volume. We're not talking about a hung enema bag that holds a quart for colonic cleansing!

This isn't about enema fetishes, but simple health and hygiene.



Bensiamin
Re: Condoms?  [message #78506 is a reply to message #78493] Tue, 28 March 2023 22:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ThisRick is currently offline  ThisRick

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Location: Western USA
Registered: October 2021
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I'm not surprised, Al, it's a good story! The latest chapter is great.

I didn't intend my comment to be negative, just one of curiosity. The cleanliness issue was in the story, Uncle G. had that covered. The only thing I'd add is that taking a leak and a shower afterwards is a good idea and are recommended for straight couples as well.

In the bad times of AIDS, there was huge resistance to using condoms. Even after years of messaging cases went up until effective medication became available. HIV transmission, even in first world countries, is still an issue. I have never gone for sex with many multiple partners but certainly would use protection for all sorts of reasons if I did.

It's that resistance I find curious. One of my partners (haven't had many) that I only see on occasion has a huge aversion to using them and since I have a high level of certainty about his status I don't demand he use one. But other times I insist my partner use one.

One voice about this issue is the psychotherapist and author Walt Odets. In his book In The Shadow of the Epidemic, published in 1995 so written before HAART, he says that refusing to have unprotected sex with multiple partners was a "life not worth living" which seems extreme to me. Seems odd a therapist would use such condemning language, but it does show some of the sentiment of that time.

Just curious to know what the thoughts and experiences of others have been with this question.
Re: Condoms?  [message #78508 is a reply to message #78506] Wed, 29 March 2023 07:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Bisexual_Guy is currently offline  Bisexual_Guy

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I have had conversations with various guys over the years, guys who were gay, bi, and straight.  A few were willing to give honest commentary on sexual practices, and 10 to 15 years ago condoms were talked about more than in recent years.  

While condoms are a great help, not everyone is comfortable using them.  There are websites where one can get the specs on condoms including length, thickness of the condom material, and more.  The right size condom can make a considerable difference in comfort.

This site has many good resources on sex for guys.  If you have not looked at the Sex/Health menu, I suggest seeking it out and reading through the topics which are currently or might become relevant to you.
Re: Condoms?  [message #78794 is a reply to message #78494] Mon, 01 July 2024 19:28 Go to previous message
Kitzyma is currently offline  Kitzyma

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"timmy wrote on Thu, 23 March 2023 19:10"
It comes down to the dgnity of risk. Two virgins are unlikely to have any STIs to pass to each other. HIV is not the only STI. Additionally faeces enterimg the urethra can cause urinary tract infections. So one need to think and choose what risk to accept

--

That reminds me of the time I was an undergrad and went to the university doctor with a urinary tract infection.
A test showed it was e.coli.
The doctor just assumed that I'd got it from anal sex and told me I should be using condoms.
I hadn't mentioned to him I was gay, and as far as I was aware, no one at uni knew. In fact, I was still just accepting it myself.
Also, at that time, I'd never had anal sex.

Maybe he just thought I looked gay? But if so, no one else thought so (or admitted to thinking so!)
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