|
|
warren c. e. austin
|
 |
Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
|
|
|
You may wonder at my feeling of alienation at "A Place of Safety". These past few days I've done considerable soul-searching, arriving at many unassailable truths, both about myself, and of others I've had, to one degree or another, interaction with.
The conclusion that I have reached is that I am responsible.
I am the outsider. I'm not a part of "the Club"; nor, could I ever be; nor will I ever be. It is apparent that I have little, or nothing, in common with those that are.
One truth that I do know is that my life has been one of considerable privilege; one that has seldom been troubled by many of the issues faced by a majority of your clientele.
Another is that I apparently don't understand the "rules".
Caught up in whorl-wind of one other's interest in what I thought had been me, I didn't realize that whilst he appropriated most of my daily on-line contact, I had little, or no other, with anyone else. In the very occasional absence of the one, I failed to notice that I, although theoretically "visibly" present to others through one Instant Messaging client or the other, was, and currently am, seldom ever spontaneously contacted by anyone. I have all these "buddies" in my "friends lists", but I'm not often present in theirs; nor, am I likely to ever be. By and large if I contact someone, they are polite; but, in truth I have come to sense, they would rather I simply just go away. I am tolerated, and nothing more.
In my posts to the Board, I have had more than one participant tell me (either privately as you have done, or more openly as others have) I'm "too" wordy; or, that I'm too intense; others tell me I have a unique "gift" with words; still others, that what I have to say has no relevance, effectively silencing me. Simply put, I no-longer know what to believe.
I'm am an intense, and focused, person; always have been. This has often traditionally been counterbalanced through my inherent caring, compassionate and nurturing nature. Sadly this seems to be not enough, and after a lifetime of giving, I find myself more alone now than at any other period in time.
I've now come to sincerely regret my having ever found your web-site, and this Message Board, and the potential promise of fellowship that it held out to me.
Warren C. E. Austin
"The Gay Deceiver"
Toronto, Canada
2003.02.11 12:00 Hrs EST
|
|
|
|
|
[  ] |
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
An open letter to "Timmy" 
