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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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this is going to be long so get comfy befor you start reading.
almost a years ago i read a story by timmy called the misfit and it brought back a flood of memories to me of the first boy that i ever loved when i was a lad of only 15. well after a month or 2 of rereading that story and srying my self to sleep i came to this MB to make a few posts and then i made a post about matt to matt....you can read it below
to matt:
dear matt a friend of mine brought you rushing back into my mind and i feel totally compled to sit down and let you know how i truly feel about you.
i know it was a long time ago that you made your choice to move on to a better place, a place of peace. at first i was hurt and angry as hell for what you did, not to your self but what you did to me. but now as the years have slipped by and i have grown into a man i know that you took that step in to the light to escape the pain, i too know that pain and i now can honestly say i am sorry that i did not help carry your pain and help you feel more at peace with your self in this life. i will forever question my self and wonder if, if a million times over..if i did this ... or if i had done that. (lol...for a 2 letter word "if" hold a ton of weight).
well more to the point my friend, i know that i never said this to you face to face but i loved you with all my heart and soul and to this day you are and always will be my one true love. even today i hold every one that comes in to that specail place in my life up to you goast to se if they mesure up.. none do, some come close but none ever do, and none ever will.
i now know that i have spent years in love with what could have been, its time to move on.
i was at your grave this morning and left you a gift, you'll know it when you see it, its long over due but it is yours now.
with all my love
tim
NOTE TO READERS: i read tim's story "the misfit" a few weeks back and it brought back my first love into my life. he killed himself when we were both young boys and discovering ourselfs in this mad mad world, that was my motivation for writing this note to matt my first love. i guess this is sort of my way of letting go and moving on.
you need not make commenet on this its just some thing i had to get out of my system
thanks for reading
and THANK YOU tim, your story as unhappy is it may be gave me back a bit of my life
***continue of new post***
well as you all know i have meet some one and he is comming into my life on monday may 12th at 11:44 am eastern time USA.
why do i bring up the past with my furture looking so bright and happy?....well jeremy my BF has meet the standard that i said no one could ever meet, jeremy has helped me open my heart to love and be loved. with this MB and the people here and the love that they showed me even at times that i could not love my self i have grown to be able to put my past to rest and open my heart to once again love.
on the secnond day that jeremy and i talked he said some thing in exactly the same way that matt used to say it ...word for word and sound for sound...so i guess you could say that i have found my new matt, twisted bizzar and freaky...yup but it was some thing that i was looking for and i have found it.
ok more to the point of this post.
life brought me to a google search on line to find a story The Misfit by Timmy...that story brought me to his web sight to other stories....those stories brought me here to this MY and my rag tag family of friends that love me unconditionally (new concept to me) at this place i have learn that no matter what and no matter how bad i feel or how bad life is right now i always have you people and the hope that you share.
so to any one new here give it a chance be honest and open and let others help you and love you till you can love your self again.
to the old timmers here thanks and never ever give up doing that your doing.
i started hurting when i was 15 and matt died
i started healing a year ago from that hurt
i started loving myself like 6 months ago
i started being love not to long ago by a man that fills
my heart with joy
every one of you who have added a post here since last july...THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL
some of your posts were to me some to others but they have all helped a tiny tiny bit in my healing
peace
love
hugs
tim...of USA
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some thing i need to share
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It was not an easy story
By: timmy on Sat, 10 May 2003 12:38 |
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Bravo, Tim
By: smith on Sat, 10 May 2003 13:10 |
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Something we all need to share, at times
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Something we all share because we're humans with big hearts...
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So beautful, David
By: smith on Sat, 10 May 2003 19:42 |
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Re: some thing i need to share
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I really know how you feel.....
By: marc on Sat, 10 May 2003 19:09 |
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And I know a little about how you feel
By: smith on Sat, 10 May 2003 19:36 |
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I am proud of both, no each, of you
By: timmy on Sat, 10 May 2003 20:57 |
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thank you all
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