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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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... but not for me. Never, could I ask that of any of you. Not ever for myself. I ask for my "friend".
As he will read your replies to this thread beginning probably midmorning tomorrow, his time, I ask that you give my request the respect and the dignity that "he" deserves; I'm asking this, notwithstanding whatever your feelings may be for me.
I have no where else to turn; and, he so desperately needs the counsel and combined wisdom of the community he calls "his home". I'll not name him, but you all know him, with many having shared with him conversation a time or two. His membership here, and the fellowship the community at A Place Of Safety has shown him, was and is still largely responsible for why I can no longer ever be seen to be seen here; although recently there have been other probably more compelling reasons.
My problem folks, and more importantly, his, is that my friend is terribly lonely, and so very much "alone". This feeling of alienation and aloneness has recently progressed to such a degree that I now begin to fear for his safety.
I am not able to understand this. He is such a kind, caring and gentle soul. And, despite his claims to the contrary, an especially handsome man; not handsome in the "Classic" Sierra Club, or Madison Avenue "Calvin Klein" manner; but, more for his seasoned smile, his wry humour, and his typical early middle-aged boy-next-door appeal.
I have tried my best, and failed at each and every turn. I have anguished over his self-torture, even as I loved him, and failed miserably. I have gently bolstered his self-confidence, only to have it come crashing down in and around his heels. I have played Devil's Advocate to his ego, to have any illusions he may have still retained shattered, with every throw of the dice. I welcomed him into my World, showing him, as I have shown no other, what a sad, miserable, pitiful, and worthless existence I endure; hoping against hope, that he would balk at the prospects, get off his ass, and haul himself out of his despair.
During a rare conversation this evening, and a most untypical moment of him displaying severe self-pity, I asked of him to consider sitting as I sit, day-after-day, night-after-night; asking him to just once walk in my shoes for one day, and for him to then tell me that he has truly come to know, and finally understand, what loneliness, and being definitively and absolutely alone, is all about. I have asked of him not to become as I have become; imploring him to not ever allow himself to cry himself to sleep, as I do each and every night, praying fervently that he not awaken in the morning, only to find himself becoming angry in the morning when he realizes that he has. His response to me, just before saying goodnight, was simply, "I'm pretty much that way now as it is."
My friend resides, and works, in a small, nearly rural community, offering few outlets, and even fewer options, for him to develop into the man he wants to be, and would I'm certain, flounder and perish in a large urban centre. He has a number of "Real-world" friends, many of whom are striving like hell to introduce him around, and like me failing in all attempts.
I have suggested that he actively welcome attention from within the ranks of the men around him, only to be told tonight "How can I consider them, they're no fun". I know the reason for this, as do a number of you. They are simply not young enough. For those here reading this that may not know him, I ask that I not be misunderstand here either. My friend desires men in their early to mid 20's; men who are basically 10 years, or maybe a little bit more, younger than he is. Not teenagers, or younger still; but certainly not a matured man, as he is, either. This limits the available pool of worthy prospects dramatically given that his prospects aren't that great, in the first place, because of his environment. I suspect that as he ages, so will the age of those that draw his interest; but this consideration, is of no help to him now, and now is when he desperately needs help.
It is so easy for me to get angry with him, as I sit here, just as I did when speaking with him earlier this evening, myself unable but to wonder what I might give to be even just 15-years younger once more, and able to live as I once had lived, and again be the "Toast of the Town". To appreciate this you need to understand that my thirties were a glorious experience for me, far better in many respects than my twenties had been, but not as good as I would later find my forties. Knowing my friend as I do, and seeing him for what I see in him, I simply do not, and cannot, understand why he is lonely, and so very alone. It's positively criminal, and just should not ever be. For him, or for any one of you.
Those amongst you that have found a degree of happiness, who enjoy some measure of stability in your lives, please come forward and help my friend to understand that life need not be the arid and bleak existence he envisions for himself throughout the next 20, or 30, or more years. You, who come here as he does, sometimes seeking guidance, and at others affirmation, are what I cannot ever be for my friend. He desperately needs you; and needs you now.
Warren C. E. Austin
Toronto Canada
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Please, I need your help ...
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Re: Please, I need your help ...
By: e on Wed, 25 June 2003 06:41 |
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some help
By: timmy on Wed, 25 June 2003 07:11 |
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Re: some help
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Re: Please, I need your help ...
By: Guest on Wed, 25 June 2003 13:08 |
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justsmith
By: smith on Wed, 25 June 2003 16:04 |
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I know none of you are going to like this.........
By: marc on Wed, 25 June 2003 22:39 |
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Re: I know none of you are going to like this.........
By: Guest on Wed, 25 June 2003 22:56 |
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I TRY!
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Re: Please, I need your help ...
By: Guest on Thu, 26 June 2003 01:39 |
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sorry that smiley should not be there, it should #8
By: Guest on Thu, 26 June 2003 01:41 |
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