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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I was taking medication for depression and for pain. Now you have to understand what my living circumstances were at the time. I, for lack of a better discription had a caretaker, someone appionted by the court to look after my daily personal needs. Things like making sure the bills were paid, making sure I ate. Making sure I didn't harm myself. On this sunday for some reason that I don't really remember, I got up in the morning ant took my meds as usual, but later having forgotten, I took yet another dosage of the pain medication.
This started a spiral, kind of like watching a leaf being sucked into a whirlpool. Things began to crash in on me. Thoughts which I worked very hard to push out of my mind came rushing to the surface. Memories came flooding back.
This was the day I first talked with Tim.
I don't really remember what it was that we talked about. The only thing that I was sure of was that I took way too much medicine.
Tim held my hand. He talked with me and expected nothing, demanded nothing, but most importantly he never turned away from me. We would talk and somehow he caused within me a calm that let all the worse things finally come out. Things so horrid I still don't like talking about them.
Tim said that if I write out some of these things that it might help me to understand (I am not even sure is understand is the right word) what happened. Perhaps even the why of it all.
I can't really say that we came to any closure with understanding any of it, but I can say that it is a little easier for me to maintain focus. To avoid the spiral.
There are still things I have issues with. There are still things I wish I could resolve. Sometimes certain words or combinations of words bring out the worse in me. Sometimes I react without thinking. Sometimes I react with alot of remembering.
I am not saying all this for sympathy. Nor to make any excuses.
I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I would not have wasted my entire life. But I did waste my life. I just couldn't deal with things any more so I just hid within the walls of a classroom. I have nothing to show for it.
Nothing......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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It seemed so long ago.... On a Sunday morning....
By: marc on Mon, 30 June 2003 21:55 |
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this makes no sense, just ignore me...........
By: marc on Mon, 30 June 2003 21:57 |
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I refuse to ignore you, or to abandon you
By: timmy on Tue, 01 July 2003 06:42 |
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But I don't want to ignore you.....
By: smith on Tue, 01 July 2003 00:58 |
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It's good to get to know you better
By: trevor on Tue, 01 July 2003 04:47 |
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Re: It's good to get to know you better
By: marc on Tue, 01 July 2003 08:40 |
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Re: It seemed so long ago.... On a Sunday morning....
By: Guest on Tue, 01 July 2003 10:46 |
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precisely............
By: marc on Sat, 05 July 2003 20:55 |
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