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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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#1
An atheist is walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river!" As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13 foot Kodiak brown bear ready to charge at him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly gaining on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding in his chest as he tried to run faster yet, but alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike.
"OH MY GOD !!," the man screamed. Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped flowing....as a brilliant light shown upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around. "YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years; but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?" The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped to his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke, "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."
#2
A drunk guy gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud bloodcurdling scream is heard, one scream and then another and another.
The bartender runs to the restroom to investigate. "What's all the screaming about? You're scaring the customers."
The drunk guy cries, "I'm just sitting here on the john and every time I flush, something reaches out and squeezes the hell out of my balls!"
The bartender opens the restroom door, looks inside and says, "You idiot!! You're sitting on the mop bucket!!"
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smith Joke Alert !!
By: smith on Tue, 01 July 2003 16:49 |
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Re: smith Joke Alert !!
By: timmy on Tue, 01 July 2003 17:05 |
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Read number 2, Read number 2!!!!!!!!!!
By: brian! on Tue, 01 July 2003 17:18 |
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Re: Read number 2, Read number 2!!!!!!!!!!
By: timmy on Tue, 01 July 2003 23:06 |
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Way too good
By: e on Tue, 01 July 2003 21:00 |
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Re: smith Joke Alert !!
By: ron on Tue, 01 July 2003 22:18 |
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Rain,,,,
By: smith on Tue, 01 July 2003 23:18 |
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Watch out for mildew in your armpits JJ... Keep em dry, hehe.
By: lenny on Tue, 01 July 2003 23:32 |
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Here's one that definitely qualifies as a smithJoke...
By: lenny on Wed, 02 July 2003 22:45 |
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I think...
By: nick on Wed, 02 July 2003 23:24 |
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Well, you tickle it under the chin......
By: marc on Wed, 02 July 2003 23:33 |
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LOL!
By: nick on Wed, 02 July 2003 23:39 |
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I simply cannot believe I'm actually witnessing this ...
By: Guest on Thu, 03 July 2003 01:38 |
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The hotdog thing is serious......
By: marc on Thu, 03 July 2003 08:54 |
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OK Lenny
By: e on Thu, 03 July 2003 06:36 |
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