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in a few days, maybe three or four, i don't think i'm going to be "me" anymore. i know that, reasonably and logically, i need to be on this medication. the fact that my head gasket on my car is going to blow shouldn't make me cry on the bathroom floor with my head in my hands, scaring the hell out of my little girl.
(if that happens to my car, my father offered to pay half. the problem is i won't have my half for one more month yet.)
afterward, she gave me her "grumpy bear" (care bear) and i said, "but i'm not grumpy." and she said, "pretend it's not grumpy and it's just sad. i bet if you cuddle it you'll be happy and you can write again." (because somehow, the shift went from my inability to care properly for a car to the fact i've been unable to write either story i'm working on for almost 3 days.) i kissed her little pixie-elf face and said she's the best. she said, "i try." just like i say, sometimes...
so i started lexapro as of last night, and 2 hours after taking it i felt bizzare. i realise it takes a few weeks for the body to regulate itself to such kinds of medications, but it's a bit alarming. i was numb and also giddy, distant but eerily right there in the moment. i've been ecstatically happy with the email correspondence between alan and i, and the phone-call. i pose unreal scenario's to him; "what would you do if" and he always answers without hesitation the exact things i always say "no one would ever..." ahahaha ... *executes classic Mr. Burns pose* eeeeeexcellent. perhaps i can nudge him into having a boyfriend! i'm kidding.
anyway this is just kind of a head's up. i'm reading everything that's going on here, and i hvae a lot i want to say about it, but i don't want to add fuel, and part of me isn't even sure, wholly, what's going on. i've been doing a lot of reaching but no one's reaching back. i guess i should just start keeping my arms out to those i know are fine with reaching back. i'm the only one i know who continually skins her knees up trying to reach and communicate and be there for people who are just flat out not interested in my correspondence or words, or friendship. it scream martyr, but i'm not. no one likes a martyr. i just think i try too hard, and should quit that. quit that! *slaps wrists* ehehe. ergh.
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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a little bit alarming...
By: misplaced on Tue, 23 September 2003 12:52 |
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Re: a little bit alarming...
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Re: a little bit alarming...
By: misplaced on Tue, 23 September 2003 13:29 |
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Re: a little bit alarming...
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Re: a little bit alarming...
By: misplaced on Tue, 23 September 2003 18:04 |
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Re: a little bit alarming...
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Re: a little bit alarming...
By: misplaced on Tue, 23 September 2003 20:08 |
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Oooo! Alan, is it eh?
By: lenny on Tue, 23 September 2003 14:52 |
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that it is, with the last name of a popular beer...
By: misplaced on Tue, 23 September 2003 18:12 |
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Re: that it is, with the last name of a popular beer...
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Re: that it is, with the last name of a popular beer...
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Re: that it is, with the last name of a popular beer...
By: misplaced on Wed, 24 September 2003 11:47 |
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Re: that it is, with the last name of a popular beer...
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*hug* thank you, bam...
By: misplaced on Thu, 25 September 2003 01:55 |
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((((((((( HUGE HUGS GIRL !!!))))))))))))
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*returns!*
By: misplaced on Thu, 25 September 2003 02:55 |
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Re: *returns!*and back atcha
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ehehe!
By: misplaced on Thu, 25 September 2003 03:18 |
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Re: ehehe!
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