|
|
|
|
How does one forgive after being hurt and mangled by the words and actions of others?
I have read that forgiveness, even of something that seems unforgivable, is something you do for your own sake, lest you be bogged down in negativity which impacts your own life badly.
In other words, according to that view, forgiving somebody or something is a proactive decision you make to benefit yourself...it has little or nothing to do with making the "forgiv-ee" feel any better.
That point of view might help some people forgive and move on here after the most recent difficult times.
But...
Sometimes people cannot forgive and move on in a positive manner as readily or as quickly as others would hope. Everybody should be allowed to heal in their own time and fashion. Being "told" to "let go" of something and move on is not a suggestion that anyone can force upon themselves until the time is right within themselves, despite their good intentions and hopes that things be behind them as soon as possible.
It is also certainly not something that can be forced upon anybody else by those who did the hurting!
Not being allowed to openly and freely process their remaining hurt and pain in the midst of supportive friends and family only purlongs the pain and hurt.
Another issue: sometimes, people should not be encouraged to forgive and forget while there is still the possibility of more hurt and pain being inflicted upon them. It would be inadvisable to remove one's self-protective armour whilst the dangerous forces are still on the field (to use a battlefield anology).
People find it hard to forgive in the best of times. Until trust is built again that the hurt will not be repeated, or until the source of the hurt is gone, forgiveness, letting go, and moving on may be impossible.
And so people may need to continue walking on eggshells here for quite some time, I think. Some may not be able to forgive and let go for quite some time. That's the result of human nature and our natural reaction against pain to try to protect oneself against it in the future.
Unfortunately, some people may need to leave here for self-protective reasons, having to do with distancing themselves from potentially toxic people or situations for their own well-being. That's not what Timmy wants, it's not what anybody wants.
But if it happens, I hope that the folks remaining will not think or speak badly of those who had to leave. Because it wouldn't ever be that they were just being selfish or petty.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
|
[  ] |
A Place of Safety
Search
Help
Register
Login
Home
Forgiveness and Letting Go...When and How? 
