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from an email:
i suppose the massive amount of coffee i'm drinking isn't going to help me relax... but i can't eat food and need to have something in there. i wouldn't be eating right now anyway, but i'm way too nervous. i imagine with "no time to eat" coming up with a busy semester, i'll fall back into full eating disorder throttle... hrm.
>
but it *is* about that ... it is to me. i know it shouldn't be, i *know* that, but it always winds up that way. i've heard that in these classes things get read aloud, or passed around and then read aloud, and i cannot, *cannot* be one of the pieces that get strange stares of confusion or contempt, or snickers beneath the breath. i can't be. writing is my calling, and i'm turning it down for something more logical, something faster that will 99% guarantee me a job when i finish. the least i can do is do her some sort of justice now that i'm letting her go...
___________________________________________________________________
i can't stop getting sick. *why* am i so nervous? i wasn't this nervous starting community college last winter ... it's a private college and all high and prestigious but focuses mostly on computer tech careers, vet tech, various medical and health fields, and math. but one can major in english there too, and i'm sure people in this creative writing class tonight, are. everyone's going to be better than i am. i shouldn't have taken this class. i should have taken something else related to phlebotomy like the rest of my classes. i am more terrified of this class than i am all the biology and lab and memorisation things. i'm scared and not ready to have it pointed out to me what countless publishing companies have already said.
i'm not cut out for writing, not really. they will all laugh at the fat girl who wishes she was a boy and doesn't belong in college, because she deserves to be strung up and strung out beneath a bridge overpass rotting and becoming part of the scummy, littered earth beneath.
T minus 3 hours.  :-/ :-/ :'-(
my void does not want.
-- 2.13.61.
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scared sick to my stomach ... *why*??
By: misplaced on Mon, 29 September 2003 18:47 |
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ugh this got cut out.
By: misplaced on Mon, 29 September 2003 18:48 |
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Girl, I luv ya regardless you know...
By: lenny on Mon, 29 September 2003 20:22 |
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Re: Girl, I luv ya regardless you know...
By: misplaced on Mon, 29 September 2003 20:37 |
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Re: Girl, I luv ya regardless you know...
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Re: Girl, I luv ya regardless you know...
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((((((HUG HUG!))))))
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That was the best hug I ever read........
By: marc on Mon, 29 September 2003 22:57 |
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Awwwwww .... Huggs you tight......
By: marc on Mon, 29 September 2003 19:10 |
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Re: Awwwwww .... Huggs you tight......
By: misplaced on Mon, 29 September 2003 20:38 |
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Re: scared sick to my stomach ... *why*??
By: kevin on Mon, 29 September 2003 23:44 |
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Re: scared sick to my stomach ... *why*??
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so i'm still alive....
By: misplaced on Tue, 30 September 2003 03:27 |
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It'll be okay my dear... It'll be okay.
By: lenny on Tue, 30 September 2003 08:05 |
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Re: It'll be okay my dear... It'll be okay.
By: misplaced on Tue, 30 September 2003 11:42 |
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My sweet neighbor Heathyr........
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(((((suuuuuper super tight hug!!!!)))))))
By: misplaced on Tue, 30 September 2003 03:55 |
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Re: (((((suuuuuper super tight hug back!!!!)))))))
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Re: (((((suuuuuper super tight hug back!!!!)))))))
By: misplaced on Tue, 30 September 2003 19:49 |
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Re: (((((suuuuuper super tight hug back!!!!)))))))
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Re: (((((suuuuuper super tight hug back!!!!)))))))
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