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*sigh*
At the moment I'm reading a book, a collection of coming out stories, gathered from people who came out and their parents. It's weird, I've read it for a bit over hour and a half, and I'm on page 44. Usually I goble the books I read, but this one I just can't read fast, not that I'd really want to. But I keep going off on tangents triggered by something in the book. Anyways, I'm digressing.
Reading the book makes me want to tell my mom and my friends. As some of you might remember, I've already told my dad, about a month ago, and he was awesome about it.  Like I mentioned then, I'm much more worried about my mom, and telling her. It's not that I expect her to take it badly, it's that I simply don't have any idea as to how she'll take it. And to be honest, I'm afraid that even if she takes it well in the end, the first (or one of the first few) things she lets out of her mouth will be something that hurts, a lot. And just to give you an idea of what I mean; on the last day of 1999 a friend of a friend killed herself. I didn't know her that well, but well enough that while she wasn't a really good friend, she was a... pal. Sort of like a friend to be, I think. Anyway, I heard what she had done a few days later, and I told my mom. She was playing solitaire on a computer right then. When I told her, she stopped playing long enough to say "It's so horrible these days" and then she just kept on playing. End of discussion right then. Later she talked more about it with me, but... It hurt. And I'm so afraid that she'll do something like that again.
Now, as to the real reason I'm posting this... I don't know when to tell her. I want to do it right now, call her and tell her. But I'm going to do it face to face, which means waiting until next weekend atleast, preferably until the weekend after that, since I have a math midterm next monday and I don't have time for a family drama next weekend. But I don't know. My mom works way too much, which means she's tired and atleast slightly cranky at the best of times. To top that off, she's having some (prolly stress related) trouble with sleeping, her teeth and she needs a new pair of glasses, which makes money a bit tighter than usual. Nothing serious, but... one more thing for her to have on her mind. As a result, she's more tired and cranky now than usual, but it's not gonna get better anytime before christmas. And I don't want to wait that long. So, the question is, when do I tell her? Is it selfish on my part to tell her now and not wait for christmas holidays, or beginning of next year or something? Am I "asking for it" if I tell her now? And how do you tell something like this softly?
Setras
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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